Sometimes The Void Yells Back · 1:18am Jul 23rd, 2020
It's been a while.
Rumors of my demise are largely almost certainly probably false. Maybe. On to the rambling nonsense:
Someone posted a question over on /mlp/ asking for story ideas that writers have been unable to put to paper, and it spurred me to respond. Turns out, the post was too long and packed full of ranting, so I pastebinned it. After sleeping on it, as I tend to do with things like that, I decided I should post the gist of it here too. As you no doubt can tell from the time between this post and the last blog post, I don't do these very often.
People that stalk me will no doubt notice I've been "Online" rather than Offline since my last story post. Yes, I do still check my messages and notifications here - at least weekly, if not daily. I put Online in quotes like that because while it is true on a technical level, it's not necessarily reflective of my behavior. I've been lurking, but more than that I've been writing. Unfortunately, I've been stuck on an infinite loop of writing about three chapters of a certain story, getting to a point where I don't like it, and starting over.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who does something like this, or something similar to it; but I just feel stuck at this point. On the one hand, I really didn't want my return to presence to be something like this - a blog post rather than a story update of some kind. Worse still, the one story I have been working on has been an endless rewrite of a story I've already posted and started here.
I despise leaving works unfinished - they eat at me and claw at my consciousness until I finally abandon them. It's been so long, I can't remember where I wanted to go with it or If I started writing that now, the quality would be so different I should just restart for consistency's sake. Those are the usual excuses I tend to throw around in these fits of talking myself out of writing. Even here, typing this up, feels like just another distraction to keep me away from getting something substantive written. It's like I'm trying to stop myself from writing, despite how much I tell myself I really do want to write. How badly these ideas festering away into the cockles of my mind feel.
I do remember where I wanted the stories to go. I tend to put at least a bit of thought into the ideas I get and usually have some kind of record of at least brief thoughts beyond a title. This post alone is evidence that I can craft a somewhat cohesive narrative, quality be damned. Kinda destroys the second argument I tend to use against myself, doesn't it?
So, why don't I write? Why am I like this? Why do I yell into the void, hoping for affirmation of my perceived inability to write, only to recoil in bewilderment when the void yells back, believing in me?
I don't have the answers to these questions, and I'm not expecting anyone who stumbles upon this blog post from a long-silent writer on a site for pastel ponies to have an answer either. Sometimes I just need to vent, I guess.
Here's the response I pastebinned, more or less, with a bit of formatting since this medium supports it:
Having advanced far enough in robotics and artificial intelligence, Anon is a volunteer that is downloaded into an android body and sent into deep space with an AI controlled ship to serve as an ambassador to any intelligent civilizations they may encounter. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Anon crash lands near Ponyville many centuries later, practically resetting him.
The ponies must deal with a childlike Anon that has impossible strength and corrupted memory files.
If you don't care about spoilers, provided I actually write this at some point, read on. Otherwise, turn back now.
Anon eventually, through either obsession with strange dreams or some other unknown force, is compelled to build a communications array in the mountains of Canterlot. After doing so, he discovers that his ship has been in orbit, waiting patiently for his return. While the ship does not contain full backups of his memories, it does contain enough useful information to accomplish his mission. While not fully understanding the ramifications of this, he agrees to continue his mission after some gentle persuasion from the ship's AI. The ship sends a transmission back to Earth that will likely take decades, if not centuries, to reach them.
A few days later, the ship reports back that something has shown up on long range scanners and is now headed directly for the planet. Panic ensues as the mass is big enough to cause significant damage if it crashes at its current speed.
As time goes by, the object becomes clearer and clearer on sensors and is eventually identified as a human vessel of some kind - albeit a massive one. The ship is a highly advanced battlecruiser turned generational ship after a long forgotten war, and was drawn to the signal by auto-pilot, not any of the crew. After safely communicating with and instructing the crew, the ship decelerates and lands safely. Overcrowded humans choose to settle Equestria with Celestia's blessing, and Anon debates leading a mix of humans and ponies back to Earth as he is the only one capable of understanding the ship and teaching others of its capabilities.
Could lead to a PiE (Ponies in/on Earth) story with Luna ruling the new Earth colonies from the Moon once they arrive.
End Spoilers
Truth is, I haven't been not-writing these past years, I've been stuck on an infinite loop trying to get the start of this story right. It's one of those that's going to eat at me too, until I can figure out how I want to get it into an actual story.
I've also been dreading restarting the same story -again-. I've got enough dead stories on my pastebin, resurrecting this one over and over seems almost cruel to anyone involved, and it's incredibly frustrating to me. I don't want to return with a half-assing of half of a chapter or something either; I want to have something of substance, something with momentum that I can carry for a while.
Why am I like this?
Source, if you prefer to read it on pastebin.
So yeah, there you have it. The want and desire to write is there, but for some reason, I simply keep... not doing it. The story, by the way, is the tagged Hello, World story. It's one of those ideas that makes me want to write, that gets in my head and won't leave until it's out and in the open in some way. Some substantial way.
Maybe I'm a dead writer, or a zombified writer or whatever. If that's the case, I apologize for the necro bump. But for one reason or another, the urge to write, the hope to continue, simply refuses to die down for me. If I'm lucky, I'll see this story come to fruition at some point. I wish I could say when, but every time I try and set a deadline, it does nothing but wave at me as it passes by.
I don't know what I wanted to accomplish with this rambling slew of words. Like I said, sometimes I guess I just need to yell into the void and see what happens. Thanks for stopping by, hopefully I'll have something more rousing with the next update you get from me.
Write what you want to write, if your not having fun what's the point of writting on FIM.
Sounds like you have a wicked case of writer's block. Maybe write something new? I don't know what the fandom is into these days.
so story when?
Hey, I saw your post on AiE and it was pretty cool to see how you want the story to turn out. I think you should just write whatever feels good. If you don't get to a point where it feels perfect, you can settle for good enough. If you don't want to rewrite this concept again you should go for something else. One day you'll start writing something and the words will just keep flowing. It's easy to come up with an idea, and write pages of notes, but it can be hard to make it into a coherent story. If you need an editor or feedback on something I could help out.
Good to see something from you, even in the form of a blog post. If you're hyperfocused on this story and don't feel like writin' something else, then what 5319363 said rings true. Good enough'll do, and most people won't realize that that's 'good enough' for you unless you point it out. Perfection is hard as hell to achieve and while striving for it is good, settling for less then it is the only sane option.
You have our full support no matter what happens, you sexy little beast.
Like I said in AiE I like the twist. I think you got a good premise. I'm glad to see this is the story you have in mind. We can be our own worst critics. I'm sure what you write will be more than "good enough" for most of us.