Alcoholic Enterprises · 2:15am Jul 22nd, 2020
Yesterday, I drank the first alcoholic beverage that ever appealed to me, 35 Proof "Butter Pecan Moonshine" from Ole Smokey:
Beer? More like... bad, am I right?
Wine? More like... waste, am I right?
Rum? More like... only for bums, am I right?
Anyway, I sampled it after three or four others; so, that possibly played a part in my not tasting any alcohol whilst drinking it. It just tasted like hazelnut coffee (the only form of coffee I enjoy). Ole Smokey's "Apple Pie Moonshine" also surprised me: it tasted exactly like an apple pie, including the favor of breading/crust (which I didn't think a drink could convey). Apple pie's slimy interior texture repulses me, though it generally tastes decent; regardless, I recognize & respect the accomplishment of creating a moonshine that replicates apple pie's taste so accurately.
The bartender who provided me with seven sample-shots of moonshine (for $5) called another employee over to examine my ID & verify my age; she mentioned such was standard practice for anyone born in 1999. After her entertaining presentation, I tipped her an additional $5.
Tonight, I visited a bar/pub that required an ID to enter, for the first time. The bouncer outside marked my right hand with a Sharpie before I entered. Inside, I only drank water with ice & watched boxing on one of the establishment's televisions; two matches of men's boxing played, & I left during the first match of women's boxing (Clavel vs. Gonzales, Round 4 of 8). Meanwhile, polychromatic strobe lights & unexpectedly loud music played; I only recognized one of the songs played, performed by Elvis Presley. 
Interesting stuff.
Remember... don't be caught lacking!
Everyone's got their own tastes. I've never had any form of 'Shine personally; And this is just me, but I've never been a fan of that kind of liquor. Like flavored liquors. Cinnamon whiskey, Whipped cream Vodka... I remember buying a sample bottle of Crown Royal "Apple Whiskey" only to promptly spit it out barking "If I wanted to drink mouth wash I'd just buy some F***ing Listerine!". Kidd you not that's exactly what it tasted like.
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Generally, alcohol & soda repulse me, but I decided to try the aforementioned moonshine since experimenting with new things seems an integral aspect of spending a vacation away from one's usual residence.
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...Seriously though, your pun was just unbeerable...
...But it was worth a shot! 🥃
Hey, I know I used that one before, but once a good pun, always a good pun!
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I don't think those sentences in my original blog-post qualify as puns, just jokes.
"that one before" meant "shot" as gunfire; using the other definition of "shot" here demonstrates you understand that word's multiple meanings, & you know how to apply both of them tactfully.
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Oh, okay then!
Nicely chronicled (BTW, Klavel won; I'd have rooted for her, for, uh, reasons), & now I've re-read it, I'm craving nutella & Apple Pie!
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...My teasing aside (Rum tastes like liquid wood anyway), I like your blog post.
Hm, would you call this lacking?
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I misunderstood, so you DID enjoy it!
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Just the flavored moonshine, yes.