I Must Admit I Have Told a Terrible Lie · 7:21am Jul 14th, 2020
While it was neither my intention nor my desire, I believe I have misled some of you on here when I said I was back to work on audio readings.
Unfortunately, I have made no headway since I said I was ready to resume earlier this year.
The fact is, although I have time on my hands now much more aplenty than I had back at the university, I at least had some places at the university where I could record in peace, whereas I really cannot in my grandparents' house with the summer heat and coronavirus keeping us mostly inside.
Also, I came to a realization. While the audio reading may have been feeding into my partial state of misery during college, I think I also had to be miserable to even work on them. As much as I enjoy the performance aspect, I just hate the editing. I dread it even before I begin recording.
I also am not an avid reader to begin with. I mentioned a couple months ago offhand that I don't read much outside of the news, academic works, and these readings because I just don't like the activity of reading. She said, "I think I know why you can't bring yourself do those readings." While I was enthusiastic to perform them and bring the stories some recognition, they still revolved around reading. Something that frustrates me to do.
It doesn't help that, compared to other skills I have, I have weak reading comprehension and stutter to the point of making my editing process lengthy.
The thing is, I think about the stories I was just about to get back to reading all the time and how I'd perform certain parts. It's not like I've forgotten about them. It's just that, in the face of having the time and proximity to do things I really enjoy, like play D&D, work on personal projects, play video games, and shoot targets, I'm never miserable enough with boredom or lack of social opportunities for returning to the mike to seem a
good choice.
I really do miss these things, though, and you people here. I'd easily forget about all this if I didn't.
We've kept going with the D&D games since, other than me, the other two have otherwise living as hermits, and we've partly played partly for their sanity. My hometown/county hasn't been hit very hard with coronavirus just yet, either. If you're interested in following our story, you can head to Kenny's YouTube page.
It's been a few months, so I'll recap what I can think of about my relevant personal life for those who might be interested.
I don't remember if I mentioned here, but I started seeing a speech therapist for help with my ability to converse under suspicion that I have certain social weaknesses associated with Asperger's Syndrome. My final session was last Thursday. While there were some important bits we went over, I don't feel like a good deal of my problems were addressed. A lot of the stuff we worked on, I'd need to be able to practice with other people and really only could be applied in situations with strangers. With the pandemic going on, my opportunities are kind of limited.
My doctors were considering, when I brought it up, having me see a counselor about some deeper issues, and without bringing that up during our sessions, my speech therapist had a similar remark about addressing things like insecurity and social anxiety in addition the sessions we were having. We'll see about that during my followup with my physician. While my job is temp part-time, I'm still benefitting from Medicaid, so I might as well get some use out of it.
Against the insistence of several friends and relatives, I've lost a lot of hope for obtaining actuarial employment (as well as confidence in that I'd actually enjoy it) and so have redirected my job focus on simply finding something that employs my skills and offers health coverage. As it stands, with the income from my current job, I will still be able to keep my coverage under Medicaid since I'm simply not earning enough to disqualify myself. However, the people from the hiring agency haven't been able to line me up with any such opportunities since the outbreak, so I'm kinda stuck browsing listings seeking nurses, administrative professionals, and IT workers and whatnot online. Thinking about it makes me want to rub my face on concrete, but it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
Some of the online D&D games I had been poised to partake in have panned out, and some really not. Oddly, my strange hours have not really gotten in the way; it's more been timezones.
I replaced the battery on the laptop that carried me through college a couple weeks ago after the battery started slowly depleting without recharging. Is five years a good life on that sort of thing? I don't use that computer so much anymore, but I know I've certainly squeezed a lot of good work out of it.
I've been enjoying some of the Indian snack food I discovered while out in Illinois working for State Farm. Ordered some online a couple weeks ago from a website that didn't show how many they had in stock and wound up ordering double what they had left. They credited me for over half the order and sent half to me after calling me the very night after my order, which was really nice of them.
As I've said, I've fortunately not been very bored, although I've cursed the pandemic for keeping me from various things. I really want to get a gym membership so I can use a swimming pool. I really am having a hard time persuading myself to exercise; even though I do a good job moderating my intake, I know that's just not enough.
I've been listening to Pandora at work, which has been helping me to broaden my horizons as far as music goes, although it gets into ruts just like I, the human, can.
While I had sworn to myself to never use caffeine, I think I've fallen for it. It really does improve my clarity and alertness, especially when work splits my waking day.
My grandparents finally upgraded their broadband internet. Their package now costs less, and they have 8 more Mbps. 
It's wild the difference it makes.
I finished Dark Souls and started playing DOOM 3 but found it tedious so I decided to play the original Quake. I beat it this evening after running into a glitch that caused it to forget my having played through the first three episodes, so I just noclipped to get to the final boss. When the game cheats you, cheat the game.
I really do hope you are all well.
"I really do miss these things, though, and you people here. I'd easily forget about all this if I didn't."
That's life sometimes; you can't do what you enjoy. But it otherwise sounds like things are more or less going good for you .
Great to hear from you, as always!
5308596
Yeah, although this isn't a can't so much as it falls below other priorities right now. Again, if I were alone right now and didn't have any D&D going on, I would certainly have the acting inclination and time slots to work on the readings.
Indeed, I count my lot as quite fortunate right now. No one I know has contracted the coronavirus, and my town exists in a county with a less than 1 in 1000 infection rate with a less than 1% death rate from the virus despite our county being much older and having more nursing homes than the average.
I hope you're well, Themeta. How have you been?
5308827
And likewise from you. I take I've missed a good bit since I was last active on here. I don't recall having gotten around to seeing jmj's new work or yours, although the former may not have been released yet, according to memory. I hope you are well, as well, dobermans. Even with everything I've had going on, I've been felt time and again socially starved, and I suspect I'm not the only one.
5309519
Well, things have happened both good and bad. I don't want to get into the bad things but as for good got back into writing and my video store opened back up after being closed for you know what so my weekends no longer suck.
So, all in all, could be better could be worse could be better. Thanks for asking
5309519
There was a fair amount of drama involving racism. It's probably for the best that you weren't around for that. Yeah, we haven't made much progress on the new material. Inspiration is at a low. Not sure if you were here for the contest jmj and I entered. We didn't win, or even place, but the stories we put out were decent, I thought.
Indeed, social interaction is becoming more and more sparse. It's not healthy.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that a Cozy Glow contest is in the works. I need one more person to express interest in entering before making it official. There will be cash prizes (1st, 2nd and 3rd place) and artwork for first place. If you know anyone who might write something for it, would you consider directing them to the group forum?
5309566
I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly. Do you work at that video store, or is that a source of entertainment for you?
5309857
Some things are indeed worth missing out on. Do I know the actors in this drama?
I believe I missed that contest, yes, although I did see jmj's Garden of Roses come up even though I didn't get to look at it.
I could see how the stagnation of the world could stymie the flow of inspiration. Oddly, I find I am at my most creative when I'm under pressure as opposed to having time to deeply process what I'm trying to create. Maybe that's also part of what's holding me back with the readings. I've never put a deadline on any of them...
Sorry about getting to you late. Been oddly busy despite the world slowing down. I could let you know, although I don't know too many people who are still active here. I'll let them know.
5319645
Source of entertainment its cool i worded that pretty vague
5319645
Most likely. The exchange was (and perhaps continues to be) far-reaching. It's mostly a debate about free speech and its limitations, from what I gather.
jmj's entry was called Anxiety. It's classic jmj. Great stuff.
Thanks for offering to ask around about the contest.
5319749
So I take it you're a movie fan? Cadence really likes watching movies, and I try to watch a few to keep up with what's culturally relevant.
5320311
I see.
Gonna have to take a look at that. And your entry?
I do what I can. Have you advertised your contest in The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau? I'd do it myself, but there'd be more credibility if the host were performing the endorsement.
5321443
Oh yeah, but mostly for like 80s movies. Modern movies focus too much on politics
5321443
Oh, mine is called "Expelled". Please excuse my amateurish attempt at cover art.
Excellent idea about asking in the Shameless Self-Promotion group. I think I'll do just that.
5321448
Do you have a certain genre you gravitate towards? I haven't watched a great many movies, let alone movies from the 80s. My grandparents and I don't get to watch much modern stuff.
5323492
I live to serve.
Thank you.
5329628
Horror fantasy and comedy mainly. The golden age of all those genres
5329735
You have some recommendations? The only era movie I believe I've seen was The Shining.
5336109
Revenge of the nerds, puppet master, and labyrinth are all great