At the End of A Rainbow Is Happiness · 9:12pm Mar 9th, 2020
No. There isn't. Life isn't fair, death isn't ready for my appointment and so I keep going. Day in, Day out. Shit on by everyone I know personally. I'm a loser. I'm the man whose own family introduces him as the 'mistake' and the 'sum of all bad decisions' "Don't be like him" they tell their kids. 31 and rule abiding...That's me. I go out of my way to help others, even at the cost of what little soul I have left (thanks Twilight). I'll never get a thank you and I'll never ask for one. Just another day, same shit. It won't get better. I'm permanently disabled, and even now my body hurts worse than it has. Yay pinched nerve. Don't feel sorry for me, I am not sure it will even register. It's always an uphill battle but at least this time... I've begun making my own Rainbow...if only to keep me sane.
Sorry to hear that. Here's hoping it gets better for you.
I don't know how much this'll mean to you, but if you ask me, that alone puts you lightyears ahead of the kind of family you've described.
In which case, here's the 'thank you' you've never asked for:
Thank you. For what? For what you've given us. You might ask yourself, "Do I matter? Do I make a difference?" And the resounding answer, for those of us who've liked your fanfiction, is yes.
Every little bit counts. Doesn't matter how minor, doesn't matter how small, doesn't matter how infinitesimal.
Every.
Little.
Bit.
Counts.
Now, I can't fully claim to know what you're going through. I don't have PTSD or a disability, nothing of that sort. I have, however, been living with an autoimmune illness (Crohn's, if you're curious) since I was 20, and I've had to take two different medicines everyday since then just to keep myself from living in constant pain. And I was constantly mocked, teased, harassed, and bullied throughout my school life not just for my short temper, but also because my brain's wired a little differently from everyone else's. I know what it's like to have feelings of worthlessness; there've been times when I've honestly contemplated my passing and the effects it would have on those around me.
So I like to think I'm at least semi-justified when I quote the following: Never give up. Never surrender.
...
Sorry about the rant. I'll be quiet now.
Thank you.
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<3