Random writer's thought #1 · 3:12am Jan 26th, 2020
Please note this post does not apply to simply my story (singular as of this date) on this site. If I think this much about my writing of a slapped together romance that partially involves graphic interspecies intercourse and [words removed due to their graphic nature and detailed accounts of bodily positions] then I need more therapy than I imagine. Anyway, onto the post!
I'm sure others can relate to this, but my writing burns a flame inside my head that won't rest until it's on the page. My brain wants me to have more time in the day to just sit down and write, and until that set of pages is done I cannot let it go. Sure, I won't be able to write as much as I want (given the fact I update my story every few days, which to me is TOO DAMN LONG a time in between chapters), and therefore part of me is restless. I've gotten used to this, inasmuch as to say that I can sleep. I'm not a twitchy bag of nerves until it's down, but a voice does nag me.
For me, at least, this voice is a mix of the selfish and the selfless. I will try to explain. On the one hand, I see the temptation within me to want the admiration of others. What that really means is I want someone to say I don't suck, that I have some form of talent, however tainted it is. The other, which is by far the stronger, is that I desperately want someone else to share the story that I put down. I want them to see the beauty that I see, or the humor that I experience in the story. I want them to laugh when I laugh, cry when I cry, or get feelings of [content removed due to graphic nature] when I get [more of the same, dear GAWD it's graphic]. I believe that a part of it is the joy of a shared story, whether equal or greater to when you share a good book with a friend and can then share the experience when you talk, or reading a story aloud to a child or a VERY good friend who tolerates your voice.
It's also, for me at least, a way of wanting to be known. Of course there are those out there who blatantly put themselves as a character into the story, and therefore they want THAT person to be known (or, hell, just want to show the world you screwed a pony and LIKED it. I'm sure there's that train of thought). That's not what I'm talking about. How much of YOU comes out on the pages you write, and how much of that do you want to see accepted and understood? I believe that for those who share this desire of being known, that it speaks of the Great Need within us all to belong and be Truly Known. Now, of course, this cannot be achieved through simply writing and having someone read it. (and certainly not strictly through fanfiction or pony porn) It can only be achieved through a great connection in a one-on-one relationship.
But imagine the fear and trembling of having a close friend, or family member, read something you wrote and that matters to you. What will they think of it? Will they get it? Did you write well? Will they come to you and say they liked it? Will they be honest when they do and not just humor you? Are all your fears justified, that it's awful and unintelligible and stupid and ohGODthewaitingiskillingmeI'mgoingtoBREAKDOWNpleasetellmeIdon'tSUCK? The joy of having someone value you through your writing into which you poured your heart and soul is amazing. It also helps if your writing isn't complete crap, as my old high school and college creative writing classes taught me. Finding your way of expressing yourself clearly is truly important.
And now I have no flipping idea how to finish this post, as it really is just a train of thought I'm writing with very little proofreading (but then again, isn't most of my crap?). So until next time, I hope you all have a good day and if you read this: Thank you. I appreciate that you even cared enough to get this far.
I can see where you're coming from when it comes to your first story and how you want to be noticed(which isn't bad) I was once like this a few years ago I wanted to try and write something good and to show to the site but I'm a terrible writer as I discovered and I kinda put myself down and moved on from it when even to this day I have multiple ideas running in my head but my writing skills is that of a 5th grader
Its good you have this feeling towards your stories hopefully you don't abandon them like some authors do after a few chapters which I notice is becoming somewhat frequent recently