that moment you feel like no one loves

i feel like i'm literally dying.

haven't had a wholesome moment in a while its my fault to start with but no budy seems to care enough to help me feel better. i have no friends and i may never have any outside a computer and even that's limited. i feel empty and emotionless most of the time and usually try to write to clear my head but now that's even faded. plus the doctor said i have depression well no shit i haven't been loved since i was twelve!

my parents disconnected with me i hardly see my brother who i used to hold higher than my father. i was kicked out because i got into an emotion man fit. my fault but it still hurts what could i have done to deserve the lack luster boot they gave me they were using my social security! sure i lacked a mature means to vent at the time but now i cant even describe how lonely life has been.

as far as friends go i haven't been vary good at friendship and from my point of view all have used me in some way. i had hopped to go to a brony con but now with the fandom dying i'm not sure i can go one i'm not suicidal far from it unlike most i'm smart enough to pull back and understand it wont solve anything.

as far as my understanding goes the long period without friends or love or support has left me so empty now i cant ever finish my own work!

can any budy relate to a time in their life they felt empty friendless and maybe even a bit like they should give up and funny thing nothing will change if i do give up i have no were to go but homeless!

getting a job might help me make friends in the work place but woe is me i still cant get a hit! resume's are unreadable nowadays especially if you dont have any past skill or job experience!

i admit to gualty pleasures like vore and maybe just maybe i have a thing for cute little snuggle bugs but every time i read the sex tag stories it makes me feel sick inside. speaking of reading.

if a story can make me emotional then i should take a long break from the dark tag! but alas i have a must see where this goes if i can stomach it tag in my library for a reason. i have a thing that drives me up the wall and some times makes me bicker to the writer if i dont know how it ends then it drives me crazy!

also as for my own work i know it terrible hardly any full flushed out structure grammar errors and punctuation is just confusing!

so if any budy thinks they can cheer me up please give it a shot some advice outside the usual box of go make friends mind you i live in a city and you cant just walk up to people and say hey want to be friends. also my neighbors all at least twenty years older then me so i guess what i'm asking wishing for is to make a friend i can basically get attached to without having my heart broken all over again anything will help.