• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen February 2nd

The Bricklayer


Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)

More Blog Posts919

  • 122 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

    4 comments · 378 views
  • 122 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

    0 comments · 308 views
  • 130 weeks
    *eye roll*

    me checking the dislike ratio on my new story

    Glad to know bigotry is still alive and well in this fandom.

    It's glad to see some of us didn't watch the same series as I did.

    8 comments · 658 views
  • 133 weeks
    So where I've been

    Okay, uh... how do I begin this? Well, I suppose I should start with the obvious. Yes, I've been distracted. If you follow me on Archive that should be obvious. And if you don't, you totally should btw. Yes, I'm shameless.

    Read More

    1 comments · 532 views
  • 140 weeks
    Final chapter up

    Been a hell of a ride, honestly. I just apologize for dragging it on for so long.

    1 comments · 405 views
Jun
22nd
2019

Fic Review: The Mansion in the Woods · 5:41pm Jun 22nd, 2019

Okay…. Uh…. So.... Yeah. This was one of those stories that quite honestly, I found very difficult to review. Now. The Mansion in the Woods. Basically, the whole idea was thus. Create a Luigi’s Mansion style story, which in itself wasn’t a bad idea. Sadly… the execution was a bit lacking. Half the time I was struggling to grasp what the heck was going on. Please subsitute heck with a stronger word of your choice. I’m serious, it’s that bad. Somewhere along the way, and I can’t quite pin down where exactly, but the whole thing sorta went off the rails somewhere along the lines.

On one side of the equation -god, my math classes are getting to me, not sure if that’s a good or bad thing yet- you have a story trying to be a horror story. On the other side of things, you have a story trying to be a balls to the wall smart aleck comedy like something out of Total Drama maybe. Needless to say, the two rarely if ever mix. This isn’t one of those parodies. Both were trying to be equally serious in their respective genres. Meaning we don’t get a crack fic as we should have done, and instead, what we get is something that at times almost makes as much sense as End of Evangelion. Which is to say… not very much.

The problem lies in the two authors, and their clashing… well, I hesitate to say egos, so I’ll say clashing visions instead. Yeah, let’s go with that okay? Make no mistake, this is a story by both Vertigo, and King of Madness and it shows. Their two respective styles clash hugely with one another. So, in the end what we get is a Luigi’s Mansion style story trying too hard to be a horror fic, and a horror fic trying too hard to be a comedy. I cannot stress this enough. This entire fic was ruined by the story itself being impossible to decide on what it wanted to be.

Now, how would I suggest this story be made better? A complete rebuild from the ground up, that’s all I would have to say. Vertigo would be better off if he did things his way, and not tried so hard to make his style work directly in King of Madness’ own. I’m not sure who did the comedy, and who did the horror. Because I know Vertigo can do both, as he did plenty of crack fics, but he’s worked with me to deliver some astounding straight up horror. Look. There’s no beating around the bush here. In this current state? This fic… well, it’s an out and out mess.

Really, there’s only one way to rate this piece.

3/10

TThe Mansion in the Woods
Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash are dared to stay overnight in a haunted mansion. However, they quickly discover that the secrets held inside are worse than they could've ever imagined.
Vertigo22 · 35k words  ·  48  5 · 1.6k views
Comments ( 1 )

Ouch it has been a bit since you had this much trouble with a story. Hopefully the next review is for one you enjoyed!

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