Mar
28th
2019
Rewriting · 5:00am Mar 28th, 2019
I figured I should let you know.
A&SA is fine. It's a perfectly serviceable story. But it's not good enough. It's annoying me, so I'm rewriting it from scratch.
I don't know how long this will take. I'll leave the original up for now and then remove it when I post the rewrite.
Sorry about this. If it's any consolation, version two will come out in bigish chunks. I'll probably post a chapter a day or something until we're where we are now. Except I guess it won't be where we are now because a lot will change.
Hm.
See you soon.
Hey I was curious and wanted to ask just what exactly are you changing in the story? personally it was a good and funny read but my only complaint about it was how weird Anons attitude changed when trying to have sex with another mares and still being attached to Starlight which was evident back a few chapters when they first arrived in fillydelphia.
other than that the story was fine to me
5033856
That's a keen eye, and it's one of the things I want to fix.
Let me explain. For every good character, there are two sides: Their core wound and the mask they use to cover it. Back at the beginning, I planned for Anonymous' core wound to be the impetus for his debauchery--his mask. As his relationship with Starlight developed, the idea went, she would crack that mask, and so too would dissolve his... curious predilections. This was to be a painful process, and his behavior was supposed to be even more erratic than it is. But in writing the story, there was so much to balance that the exploration of their core wounds got lost, both Anon's and Starlight's (and boy, she has a big one). Hell, I'll let you in on a secret. This story was supposed to be an encomium of Starlight, at least in part. That was lost, too.
That's what I like about writing for this fandom. You all are so ahead of the curve.
By refocusing on the characters' flaws, I'll... Well, you'll see. I've said enough already.
5033858
I get what your saying...and I understand it fully but I do want to point out 2 things that I was thinking about the story as well
Anon has a lot of personality to be considered not an Anonymous character....because of my limited knowledge on the matter, Anon is suppose to be small input of a human protagonist in short stories or in one shots (Nowadays I guess) and they don't tend to have any or little to no personality whatsoever. The def. of Anonymous is -having no outstanding, individual, or unusual features; unremarkable or impersonal- basically a normal character but your anon has a history, regrets, interests and such It made me wonder why not give him a simple name like Andy, Branden, Joe, or George (haven't seen a human character named George at all on this site) just something I was thinking about for a while.
And a small thing is since Anon goes to the school of friendship (if I remember correctly) shouldn't he have some sort of interaction with the young six....I have NOT seen one story on this site as of yet for a human to have some sort of interaction with these characters (NOT including all the clopfics about them) I don't know why authors don't make something up with these new characters and it bothers me really much but this is just my opinion and one thing I have been thinking about on this story a LOT since I first read it.
Hopefully I didn't sound harsh at all in this......Its just really late currently in my time but i hope you can give some sort of insight on these 2 thoughts of mine on the story.
5033865
Haha, George.
I could, yeah, and maybe I will. Who knows? I'm still rewriting the new outline at this point.
But I'm not one for names; they mean about as much as a pear tree in an apple orchard to me. That's why I went with an Anon story to begin with. It meant I could focus on the character and not waste my time finding a name as apt as Bellerophon (the human in Xenophilia).
We'll see, we'll see. Maybe I'll let you guys vote on a name? Could be Dickbutt Periwinkle for all I'm arsed about it. I just want to tell the story well.
And he's not a student at the school, no, but he is Twilight's pupil. He's like Starlight in that way. That being said, hm, I am adding a lot to the first act, so maybe they will make an appearance. Not sure. Whatever the case, their cameo would be short since most of the story takes place on the road.
But if you really want to dig into it, the reason I haven't written anything about them myself is because I don't like them.
There, I said it. They add nothing to the show. Even their interpersonal conflict is boring. Ugh. Let me stop now before I have diarrhea of the mouth.
My vote is to keep the name anon lol.
Also I think your best option would be to take all the chapters you’ve written and put them into the first chapter of the story and just name it oldversion/prerewrite and then go from there, so people can reread the old version of the first chapters too without them going away.
5033893
That's fair. Alright.
Well.... I will definitely miss this story while it's being worked on. I just hope you don't get too wrapped up in the pursuit of perfection, it was already a good story. That said, you writing can only be a good thing for us, so have fun.
5034151
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
I have a definite limit in mind, I think. I'll avoid development hell as best I can. If all goes well, I'll take this story from good to unforgettable.
Cant say I didnt see this coming honestly. It has its moments but I didnt feel like mentioning anything because it seemed fine. Sure enough it did start to get a bit hectic, but it certainly was showing lack of inspiration. I had my interests in both Anon's and Starlight's core and masks (so to speak). After a while that seemed to get a little sidetracked and eventually nothing. To which I have to reply in "I see the fruits of my kabor have never ripened and therefore will not be picked. But the fruits will not grow anew unless picked. I live to serve a paradox of which my life has devoid of simply because of my mistakes I have chosen to do. I cannot fix what cant be fixed and yet I can solve what can be solved."
Simply: this began to fall more to "How can Starlight forget what she's trying to do if Anon deus ex machina keeps showing up and vice versa. Development of the characters seemed rushed.
P.S. Ill let you in on one of my theories.
I had theorized that by some divine providence a big fight would partake and Starlight would leave without any goodbyes and Anon would go around fixing his past and thus learning from it. But when he returns his heart is broken and nothing is fixed at all. A bit of Papertowns/The Fault In Our Stars writing style I picked up a long time ago. Build the tension and set the mood then in the most brutal soft way, kill it and say nothing.
I'd say it's wiser to leave as is, learn from your mistakes, and use what you learned in your next project. There is plenty of stuff I've written I know I can do better, but I don't, because there is other stuff I can write, and do better with the new knowledge I gained from my prior writings.
I don't believe you can ever truly go back. Once something is done and put out there, that memory and experience will never leave you. It can't be recreated, and trying to will only leave you fustrated. Another reason why I say its best to move on and try something different to learn and apply what you already know from before.
5034553
Thanks, will do.
5034554
Sound advice, and perhaps the right path. I want to see how the revised outline turns out, and then I'll make a final decision.
5034553
Oh, sorry, I missed the rest of your post.
Hm, not sure what you mean by deus ex machina. I never made plot-critical an element I didn't first hint at; no fired gun not first loaded by Mr. Chekhov. I think we disagree about where the story's problems lie, but that's fine. First writing advice i ever received was to trust criticism that something's off, even if you disagree with what is amiss exactly.
As for your theory, hmm. Yes... ish. Although the climax of the Filly arc was going elsewhere. It's important to show them overcoming external threats to their relationship before it breaks under internal strain.
5034569
The Deus ex machina is me just saying that once something goes bad the characters seemingly just spring into "god like" confidence and save the day. The onlh inatance where it had real world consequences was in the Baltimare arc where Anon couldve died. I like the idea of real consequences happening. Death and even maiming is a big interest of mine. Seeing a character die or even loaing an arm to actually impact the story from what the original plot was to fit the new disability is more of a hook. If a party of adventurers lose a healer then it impacts them. If the knight loses his sword he has to find new ways to fight. If the sorceress loses an eye she has to now aim much more carefully. If the spellcaster loses his tongue he has to learn non vocal magic.
I like real world consequences affecting the story to shift it into a new story, but not on the turn of a dime. Slowly affecting it so it keeps you hooked.
5034570
Ah, i see. We just didn't get far enough for that. Major injuries and stuff are end of act two/act three material. Too much of that makes things melodramatic.
5034584
I see. Best of luck to ya.
Oh and if ya need some art Im happy to help out.
5034585
Thanks, I will.
"herpdedur, i'm gonna rewrite before i finish the first draft!"
with very few exceptions this kills stories. tell me, are you exceptional?
please keep the original available to read. you might not like it, but someone out there may perfer that version and use it as a jumping point.
5086261
Agree with this. Ive seen this happen like 100 times.
Original story is not finished
Author starts rewriting it for some reason.
Both original story and rewrite end up dead.
Edit: just noticed HeideKnight has not logged in since July..... Why am I not surprised