So...sickly new year..and sick leave · 1:30am Feb 21st, 2019

Ok so easiest way to explain why I’ve been silent.
Why I didn’t finish my planned works.
All of that?

Apparently after everything I went through last year, here I am in February in a similar though less immediately perilous situation to the one I was in in 2018 and 2017. Though I got a valentine.
It was from my mom..but hey I’ll take it since I’m kind of depressed over this, naturally.

This time the culprit is likely something in my intestines.
And the good news is I’ll know exactly what by March, because I’m going to have a full colonoscopy.
Fun.

So why can’t I write?
Well whatever is in my intestinal tract, and hurts like hell I might add, is causing me to suffer from malnutrition. Which has caused a rather nasty side effect or seven. The worst of them in my mind, since weight loss is fine, is inability to focus, random just “blank” spells where I zone out for no reason, fatigue my old friend, and constant pain.

Fatigue plus inescapable brain fog is bad for writing. Or reading. Though I can still toss lyrics together but it’s depressing stuff so not writing it down.

For those who know I play video games, Kaiju looking at you since you have me added, you may have noticed my game time has reduced drastically recently . That’s because the fatigue, and brain fog, and blank out spells have gotten so bad I can’t play video games often. If I do I’m using an aoe spam character (Oberon is my best friend), or playing with friends who are honestly hard carrying me, or ranking up my now infamous Skyrim hours by sitting on the pause screen for literal hours because I can’t focus or think because malnutrition messes with your head that much. Or I pass out. On the pause screen.

To put this simply and in context, a died to a basic wolf enemy. At level sixteen. Last week. Because I blanked out and came back to...oh look character number nine is dead. Well frack. She died because I zoned out for two minutes and had stupidly decided to leave faendel at riverwood to get marcurio and left my horse like three minutes behind me and...yeah. Normally wouldn’t be a problem but I blanked out in a bad location and..she died. Had a save file backup but still..
I died to a low level wolf. The really weak dark grey ones.

Got ff9 hoping it would make me feel better, oh look I’m apparently running in circles in a field and blank out, come back to a random encounter and a half dead party due to squirrel things called Mu. They are literally purple squirrels, rather big ones, one of the weakest enemies in the game. I cannot play games as much as I used to, or write, mostly I’m spending my days talking with friends and trying to read a book despite the fatigue and brain fog making that irritatingly difficult. Or sitting on the pause screen.

So yes, yet again it’s february and though I’m still alive, I’m also functionally useless until the glory of the medical system finally finds out the latest thing wrong with me. Hopefully the last thing, this is officially beyond irritating and into depressing territory. So until further notice no more stories, or art, or anything because I’m useless right now.

Yes I managed to type this out, it also took me almost two months to figure out what to say.
I’m just..kind of exhausted beyond reason at this point.

I’ll post when I’m back, but until I get better I’m taking sick leave. Starting now.
Partly because if I have to stare at my unfinished worked I’ll likely cry, again.

See you in a month or two. Maybe three.
If it’s really, really bad, I’ll post again.

I just want to get better so I can get back to writing and creating art again.
But apparently that’s not happening anytime soon.

Glen Gorewood

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