Character creation, knowing what is too much and a free cut scene

Every story I am working on has a theme that it is exploring. "Pony trapped in time" is my angry response to a particular episode and its take on mind control being a laughing matter. Its not an angry story. Just the core of the story was formulated around what I really didn't like from the message of that episode and thus I put together a story that aimed to show a much more nefarious use of mind control to show that it is no laughing matter. However this post has nothing to do with that story. It has to do with Windup's story. More accurately concepts that were thrown away from that story and the character itself.

The theme behind Windup's Fallout: Equestria story is about exploring something that isn't ever really touched on much in regards to Celestia or Luna. More so Celestia than Luna because of Luna's banishing to the moon for 1,000 years. It gets explored more in Dr. Who and other such TV shows with characters that have longer than normal lives. In the case of Dr. Who not just through the doctor either but in other characters like Ashildr or Captain Jack Harkness. What I am exploring is what is it like to live longer than a normal life? What is the impact of seeing your friends die over and over while you live on? Celestia mentions friends from a time long past in Horse Play but that is mostly it in exploring her past relationships. That lead me to wonder how she deals with moving on from friends that pass. Eventually Twilight and the Mane 6 will pass away and to be honest I don't have much of an idea how Celestia will react to and manage it. I can guess but to be honest my guesses feel more like shots in the dark with very little support for them.

I'm going to give you a cut scene form this story but first I'm going to tell you what brought it about, why I cut it and I will explain some things that probably need to be explained to fully understand what went on before the cut scene as well. First warning about the scene; it is very dark. I will elaborate and warn you again before I give you the scene.

When formulating this story I was flirting with a concept of Windup basically not being able to die from wounds received pretty much no matter the wound and using that in the story in multiple ways. Sometimes humorous but others very much not humorous at all. The extent of this was that he wouldn't die from anything. Radiation, lack of food or water, wounds of any kind, et cetera. When he would "die" he would technically die looking and feeling very much dead to others but his body would repair itself before he regained consciousness. Once his body repaired itself sufficiently he would regain consciousness however he would feel what I would call the echo of his death in the initial moments of consciousness. Basically if he was shot to death he would feel the pain of the wounds when he came back for a moment before the pain went away. One important caveat playing into this cut scene is the fact that his memory of everything before his death would stay intact unless his brain received sufficient damage. If his brain received sufficient damage that it has to be rebuilt if you will his memory would reset to when his body gained this regenerative ability losing all memory of what happened between then and when he died.

So why did I remove this from the character? Clearly because it made the character just way too powerful. Where is any sense of danger if the character can't truly die and knows it? How is any bad pony supposed to stand up to them and be a credible opponent? Also how do you give the character this ability and explain it? Just because doesn't work as a credible reason and there has to be an explainable way of getting the ability. More importantly it wasn't needed for the story. I need the character to live a longer than normal time. That doesn't equate to being immortal. True immortality was way more than what I needed to tell the story.

Before I finally give you the cut scene you need a bit of leading up to explanation as to what is going on. Windup has just had his close friends and the mare he loved killed in front of him. This isn't the first time this has happened either as at this point Windup has lived about 200 years in the wasteland and seen numerous friends killed. The pony that did it on this occasion is mocking him and proceeds to threaten to display their bodies as examples of what will happen if they don't give in to him. This causes Windup to snap in a blind rage and go from Kirin to Nirek. He comes out of this blind rage with a mare in front of him with a dozen foals behind her and this is where you will join. Now in admittance there is supposed to be a big speech in this. I've cut all but the last line of the speech out because it is remaining in the story, albeit with a few edits, and I don't want potential spoilers here. Sorry.

Now for the cut scene and word of warning. It contains suicide. I will put it in a spoiler to hide it but do not read it if you do not think that you can handle it. Finally the writing here is in first draft form so please excuse any errors.

"What are you doing?"

"Windup Stop!"

Spike's voice finally managed to snap me out of my blind rage. In front of me was about a dozen foals hiding behind a mare. All with looks of horro on their faces.

"Windup what happened?" Spike asked.

I couldn't answer as I tried to remember yet I couldn't remember anything. Spike's sprite-bot flew into my face startling me.

"What happened?" Spike asked slowly.

He continued on but instead of listening I tried to piece together what happened based upon what I saw in front of me. I dared not to look around and see what was the destruction that was undoubtedly caused by me. I could not bring myself to do it. Were there other foals? The possibility was sickening and near paralyzing to just consider. The looks of the ponies in front of me looking past me with still horrified looks only served to confirm my fears.

"Windup!" Spike called again snapping my attention back to him, "What happened?"

"I can't do this anymore. Any of it. Sorry Spike." I weakly offered as I started to walk away in a direction to avoid seeing what I had done, "Don't bother looking for me, please."

"Where's the--"

"Dead," I interrupted, "and what I wouldn't give to die."

"Stop!" One of the foals called. "But he is going to kill himself." The foal cried out obviously trying to chase me down while being prevented from doing so.

"That would be an incredible feat for him to pull off." Spike solemnly said.

"What?" The foal said in confusion.

Rather than respond the sprite-bot started playing a tuba ensemble as it started flying off. I continued walking leaving a lot of unanswered questions behind me. I was a complete wreck being torn apart by a multitude of emotions. My friends and the mare I loved was dead and in revenge I fear I not only killed the raiders that captured us but some of the families that were in the camp they were in. I had betrayed the promise I gave to Spike.

"Protect and help the innocent at all costs."

In one moment of uncontrolled rage I had turned my back on everything that i had promised while becoming one of the very ponies I had promised to stop and killing those I swore to protect and help. My actions to the very pony I had become would have been to kill them without question yet I couldn't even kill myself. Not because I couldn't bring myself to do it. With how much I hated myself that actually wouldn't have been hard. Rather because it wouldn't accomplish anything. I would just come back to life. I couldn't remove myself permanently.

I swear that something was playing some cruel game with me and this mockery of a life that my existence had become. Not being able to die with the many friends that I had lost to the cruel ways of the wasteland. Not being able to stay dead despite the number of times I had died. Clearly I've lived too long and it lead to this. All of this could have been avoided if I had just died the first time. After walking some distance I finally stumbled into a cave and after some time recorded a message.

"Big speech. Big speech. What I wouldn't give to die.

pfft thump

...

AAAHHH! My head hurts so much.

What the hey happened in here? Where am I? Hold on my pip is recording. click"

End of cut scene. A few final notes to clarify any things maybe not caught from the scene above. Windup uses suppressed firearms and yes he commits suicide deliberately to forget what he just went though. He mentally snapped and couldn't deal with any more of the trauma that had been building up over time.