I wish

This phrase is so perfectly worded. I know for a fact that when I am in that place the last thing I want is someone trying to show me just that. When I am in such a place I am trying to fight off lies in my head telling me that nobody actually cares about me, wants me around, et cetera. Paradoxically someone then trying to show me this adds fuel to those lies. It makes the fight harder for me even though the person is being genuine. While it isn't necessarily the same for others when I do notice that someone else is in their own dark place I wish that there was something that I could do to help them. Ultimately I do exactly this instead. I keep my distance and wish that I could show them, help them, do something for them because it is so easy to actually do harm instead. This is why I think 'I wish I could show you' is the perfect line to open this phrase with.

Either the first or second Sunday of December 2019 I woke up to a massive bout with depression. Before Covid shut everything down I was volunteering to help with two different Sunday services. One in the morning and one in the evening. That morning I was fighting off voices telling me that they didn't want me there, that they didn't need me, that I was better off staying at home because they, at best, tolerated me. I forced myself out of bed and went anyways. The fact that I went helped as the voices were quieter when I returned home after the first service. As I went to the second service the voices were mere whispers. During the sermon, the pastor asked something along the lines of, "Do any of you think you have no friends?"

My mind just froze at the question. Had I been asked that very question some 12 hours prior my honest answer would have been yes. I have no idea what the rest of the sermon was about because I was caught in the gravity of the implications of that. How could I have thought that? How can these lies be so powerful? I also realized how significant the timing was. Had I been asked that very question some 12 hours before my reaction would have been much more negative. It would have fueled those voices. It would have made my struggle worse. Actually helping someone who needs it isn't a simple, straightforward matter.

Yesterday RQK put up the last chapter of Retrograde and I finished the story myself. The story was screaming that phrase at me because everyone was wishing that they could show Sunset the light of the old friend that they lost, of who she was. I took the time overnight to let my emotions from the story sink in rather than making a pure and raw reaction blog. The story emotionally resonated with me because of what I said above. Watching all of Sunset's friends deal with what happened as the story progressed was emotional to read. While what is going on in the story is very different there are still some similarities nonetheless. Namely the difficulty and pain of wanting to help while, ultimately, being left unable to. RQK, you and Onyx really did a number with the idea that made the core of this story.

For me, the biggest thing to come with the completion of this story isn't the story itself though. It is that this is likely to be the last FiMFic story posted by RQK. He left the door open for one last story but is unsure of if he will start it or not. He is hoping to become a published author beyond this so it isn't all bad and he will still linger around here so it isn't a full goodbye with no more coming from him at all. The thing is, I love his writing, his creativity, and how his stories got me to think. What he did with this world in his seven stories, including the significantly overlooked Detective Rease, is nothing short of great in my opinion.

I wish that he would be willing to do more in this world. He doesn't have to though, truth be told. There will always be an end, eventually. Somewhere down the proverbial line of time, there is an absolute where it must end. As much as one might not want it to the end will come. It is inevitable. With the ending of something comes the chance for new beginnings though. I don't know what that entails for him but I hope it means more stories some way, somehow. If not, then I at least have four books and three other stories here that I will be going back to in the future.

Either way. Here is to the best for you going forward RQK.

I wish that some things never had to end. They are too delightful as they enrapture me at the moment. I'm fully guilty of sometimes wishing that the stories were real. Not always to escape real life but because the places themselves seem like such nice places to visit, the characters so great that it would be really cool to get to actually meet and know them. But fantasy is fantasy and time refuses to let anything last for too long. Or, maybe the characters do sort of exist to some degree. I don't have any doubt that we all can point to someone that isn't too different from say Pinkie Pie's general character, or Twilight's, or any other given character. Sure, there are differences. You can't deny the similarities though.

I wish that all it took to help someone through a difficult time was to just show them the light of who they are. Oh, if it were so easy.

Still.

I wish.