Fic Reviews: Facing the Future · 7:50pm Nov 14th, 2018

Okay, for a long time now, two years I think it's been, known this certain writer. RuinQueenofOblivion and she's pretty much become like a second sister to me. And last year, failed to get her a proper birthday gift. This year, I aim to change that. Namely by doing this, actually. Yes, I know a review of a fic probably isn't that much of a gift but given I'm short on cash at the moment and even if I wasn't it'd be a moot point as I don't know her exact address (All I know is it's in 'Bama somewhere last I remember) this will have to do. Better than nothing I suppose.

Anyways, let's get to it? The fic in question?

TFacing the Future

Charlie Williams wakes up to find herself alone and in the body of a Unicorn mare in the empty city of Atlanta. She must strike out and figure out what's going on, while dealing with threats, and an extra passenger.

RuinQueenofOblivion · 19k words · 24 2 · 863 views

Okay, I'll be the first to admit I don't know a single damn thing about the original PaP fic, never read it and I only know a little about the world lore thanks to Ruin and my good friend Megaskullmon or Malla as I know him better but I think I can review this fic well enough.

Now, there is a short foreword by the lead character of this story, but I think I can skip past reading that, as it isn't necessary for the fic itself really as far as I can tell.

My story, like most ponies who weren't born like that, starts on May 22nd, 2015 AD by the old calendar, or 0 BE if you want to be technical. I was just getting off work at the Varsity in Atlanta and made it back home, it was a pretty ordinary day all things considered.
Lately though I hadn't been feeling well, I kept throwing up on occasion and my period was late that month. I didn't think that much of it to be honest, at least not right away. My boyfriend Jake said I should take a pregnancy test just in case, but I honestly wasn't sure.
I had set up an appointment with my doctor for the next day at least, maybe then we'd put this whole thing to rest. In the meantime though, I just wanted to get some sleep, I had been working pretty much all day and wanted to just relax and get some sleep.
I was about to lay down when the phone rang, it was Jake's number he was on a trip to New York at the moment so he wasn't even in town.
"Hey honey, how's it going?" I said as I answered the phone.
"Good, good, I'm just getting into my hotel room now," Jake said from the other end of the line. "Did you do what I suggested?"
"Jake honey, I don't think I'm pregnant, its probably nothing," I said with a shake of my head. "Look, I got an appointment with Doctor Monroe tomorrow, she'll clear this whole thing up I promise."

Okay, first 100 words or so, and I'm already pleased. These characters, unlike a lot of the ones I've been reading and reviewing lately feel real, I mean they feel like real-world people or ponies as the case may be I'd probably run across in the world. They have real concerns, like Jake who's worried about his girlfriend's possible pregnancy and our lead herself, Charlie who's in that stage of denial. And there's only two real obvious grammar errors, namely these two.

"Jake honey, I don't think I'm pregnant, its probably nothing,"

That its? Should be It's.

And lately? Should have a comma behind it. Going to skip ahead, just a little bit to where we get into the real meat of the story if you will.

When I woke up again something felt, wrong. The world around me felt bigger somehow, like everything had grown, or I had shrunk. It took me a moment to realize that I wasn't even on my bed anymore, there wasn't much of a bed left to speak of, it was kind of rotten.
"What the..." I said with a groan as I tried to get up only to fall forward onto my hands... or what should've been my hands.
My arms, or what used to be my arms at least, ended in what looked like horse hooves. I had hooves, I had actual freakin' hooves, how was that even possible? There was a dirty looking mirror and I brushed off some of the dust as best I could and I froze.
Staring back at me was an orange horse-like creature with splotches of red on its body. The weirdest thing though was my horn, yeah I had an actual horn sticking out of my forehead.
I did the logical thing at that point, I screamed my head off.
When I finally calmed down I took stock of my new body, I was fairly small as far as horses go so maybe I was a pony instead of a horse. That didn't explain the horn though, it kind of reminded me of one of those things Narwhals have only it was on a horse instead of a whale. I guess that made me a Unicorn, an actual honest to goodness Unicorn.
I had no idea exactly what to make of that, was it possible that there were more like me out there somewhere? Did everyone on Earth turn into a horse thing or was it just me?
"Okay Charlie, you're in the body of some sort of small horse creature and you have no idea what's going on," I said out loud to myself. "You're probably just dreaming, yeah, that's it, you're going to wake up in a few minutes and find yourself back in your apartment waiting for your boyfriend to get back home. Yeah, its all just a crazy dream, there's no such thing as Unicorns and people don't get turned into small horses, yep... you're just dreaming, that's all."

Again, the grammar is top of the line here, with only again its needing to be it's. That's nitpicking I know, but it seems to be a reoccurring problem with you here Ruin. I will probably subtract points from your overall score here. Just because I'm your brother, if not by blood, doesn't mean I'll be biased and say everything's perfect. Nobody's perfect.

Sorry about the link, couldn't resist a small joke on my part. But seriously, have a look a this. Might help you in the long run. https://www.ecenglish.com/learnenglish/lessons/when-use-it-or-its

I apologize if I come across as haughty, but as someone who's dealt with this particular tricky matter before I feel the need to lend a fellow author a helping hoof.

Also, in opposition to the previous paragraph, we have a comma where one isn't needed. Namely, in this instance.

When I woke up again something felt, wrong. The world around me felt bigger somehow, like everything had grown, or I had shrunk. It took me a moment to realize that I wasn't even on my bed anymore, there wasn't much of a bed left to speak of, it was kind of rotten.

Remove that comma behind somehow, and everything's golden. I get the feeling you don't use Grammarly, and that's fine in your case as you're a really good writer grammar wise or just have one hell of an editor. Either way...

Now, Charlie herself. Her reactions to everything around her? Feels completely natural. After all, I'd freak out too and start wanting to believe it was a dream if I learned I was some sort of small horse, a unicorn at that, when just the night before -Or as we'll soon learn, not entirely the case- I was a regular human being.

I looked out the window at the city outside, it was quiet... almost too quiet. It was like the entire city had gone quiet, there were no cars moving on the street outside or even the sounds of life, it was as if the entire city was a ghost town.
I sat back on my haunches, maybe if I waited long enough I'd wake up from this weird dream. I even tried pinching, or well more punching myself to try and wake up, nope, nothing.
It looked like I was going to have to actually figure out how to survive out there, well that figured really. I was more worried than anything else.
I just had to figure out how I was going to get the door open.

Again, there's really not a lot to say, everything feels natural -Well, as natural as a situation like this can get really- and there are no grammar errors to speak of. What I really like is how in Charlie's words, it felt almost too quiet to her. Horses, they're naturally anxious creatures. There's a reason why they stick together in herds. Maybe I'm over thinking this, I probably am, but I do love that little attention to detail.

Luckily it had been so long that the door was rotting so I was able to get it open pretty easily. I had no idea exactly what I was going to do at this point, but the first thing that came to mind was getting food, if I was going to be stuck here for a long time I needed to get some food.
The streets were still quiet and empty as I made my way out of the building and along the street. It was weird, I didn't like it but I felt like I needed to find some sort of sign of life.
Was I going to be alone for the rest of my life?
I didn't have time to dwell on that, the first goal was going to be to get to the nearest grocery store, which would probably be the Publix on Piedmont. I looked up at the sky, it was pretty grey and for that matter it was actually pretty cold, that suggested it was probably closer to winter right now.
Weird, before all of this it had been May, what was going on? How long had it been since I had gone to bed? A few months or maybe years? I really had no idea, but that was something I didn't have time to dwell on right now. I headed along North Avenue, that at least would get me to the Publix, hopefully I'd be able to find something there that was still good to eat.
It felt like I was in one of those old horror movies about the last survivors in a city or something, was some sort of monster going to jump out at me and try and eat me or something?
Or since I was the one who had been changed into a pony creature, was I maybe the monster in this situation? That seemed silly but I had no idea.
I took a deep breath, I was becoming much more aware of my new senses as a pony and my sense of smell in particular was stronger than it had been before. I swear I actually smelled some things in the city that were, not exactly human, but I don't really know what it was, which worries me all of a sudden.
Was it possible that there were animals in the city? There was Zoo Atlanta, I had no idea what may have happened to it but it was certainly possible that animals had somehow escaped since, whatever happened here. There was a distinct lack of human habitation though, or pony habitation for that matter, what was the difference? I was starting to get a bit worried, was it even possible I was the only sapient creature left on Earth?
I didn't particularly enjoy that thought, I was afraid that it might be true though.

Again, remember what I said about horse instincts? I really love you for doing this Ruin, playing into their natural fear of being alone, their anxieties. Hell, it's a very human fear as well, and so it works extremely well for Charlie's character in this sorta situation. Mind you, again more points will be subtracted here, as there are quite a few missing commas or in some cases and this may be my opinion run-on sentences. I'll point them out to you, and show how they should have been written.

my sense of smell, in particular, was stronger than it had

I headed along North Avenue, that at least would get me to the Publix. Hopefully, I'd be able to find something there that was still good to eat.

I looked up at the sky, it was pretty grey and for that matter, it was actually pretty cold. That suggested it was probably closer to winter right now.

Now, if I remember correctly, you told me you once lived in Atlanta, so I do love you drawing on your memories of that city (Which for those of you driving up through Georgia, try to avoid at all costs. It's hell.) for this story, makes it feel like I'm actually there. The names of the streets, what's on those streets, and particular locations like Zoo Atlanta? Small, but great little details that immerse me more in the story.

There was something else, I was starting to get a strange new sense, it was as if I was becoming more aware of my body, but something about it was really weird. I didn't quite know what it was yet, but I didn't have a whole lot of time to focus on it.
The Publix was still in somewhat decent shape at least, it looked like it had been abandoned which made sense. A lot of the buildings were old, but the city could be in worse shape at least. Maybe that at least meant there would be food to get, I just had to hope.
The front doors of the Publix had been broken open, that figured I guess it meant I wasn't the first person to reach here, I just had to hope that there would be something inside.

Honest to god, I love all these little bits of foreshadowing, been built up since the very first few paragraphs and while it's obvious what Ruin's foreshadowing if you're been paying attention, it's these little moments that make it click in your head that soon Charlie's going to have to worry about more than being a pony now.

Inside the building it smelled funky, it actually reminded me a bit of the smell of a dog but it was even stronger than I remembered it, probably because of my enhanced sense of smell. Either that or because dogs hadn't exactly been bathing for awhile, it was hard to tell.
I took a moment to check my body again, yeah I was still a small horse, I even had what I assumed was equine, well, equipment. What was weird is that they felt a little more sensitive than I thought they would, did that mean something? Why did I feel like something was going on here that I didn't understand?
Thankfully there actually was food that wasn't completely rotten or eaten. I was lucky I guess, it meant I wasn't going to starve to death at least.
I thought about Jake, he had been in New York City when this happened and I had no idea what may have happened to him at all. The more I thought about it, the more I was worried about what might have happened to him, its not like I really had much of an option.
I was also starting to become more aware of the fact that I was naked, I mean I was walking around an empty city so its not like anyone was there to see my new equine parts. There weren't exactly a lot of options, but I had to at least consider the possibility of finding some clothes that would fit me somewhere in Atlanta.

Again, I love these small little worries that Charlie has, her worrying about Jake and what happened to him, and her little concerns about modesty. It's a very human trait, not sure how to phrase this correctly but I like how she's keeping onto to human worries, and human fears long after she's been turned into a pony. Sadly, there are more occurrences of its and it's not being used correctly so you know what that means Ruin.

I gathered up the food I could and settled in, I would have to keep searching around the city to figure out some way to move around without much problems.
I just had to hope I could.

That last little phrase before the line break. I just had to hope I could. I just love that, that's all Charlie has right now. Her wits, and her faith. Minor grammar error here, much should be many.

Three days passed, I managed to come across some old building supplies, and I had to figure out how to build anything with it right now. I kept trying to pick it up with my hooves but it just fell to the floor until I was so desperate I actually wished I could just pick it up with my mind.
That's when I saw it, an orange aura was wrapped around the hammer, I looked up at my horn and saw that it was glowing with the same aura.
I gasped and fell back, the shock of the discovery made the aura vanish and the hammer clattered to the floor. Had I actually done that? Was I moving it with some sort of telekinesis? That was insane, how was I doing this? Was it because I was a Unicorn?
I was starting to wonder more and more about my new body, it felt so, unnatural and weird. The sensitivity I had noticed before wasn't any better either, and I had started throwing up again, how was any of this even possible? I didn't even feel sick at this point other than throwing up, at least I didn't have any other symptoms.
Did horses come down with the flu? No wait, I had felt this way before and the flu wasn't even going around yet, that just raised more questions.
The fourth day was even better, I managed to make a rough wagon with a harness that I could use to pull it. I had done my best to get everything all together.
I still was having a hard time getting used to this new body, but right now I didn't have much of a choice but to at least try and get used to it. That sense I mentioned before was now even stronger, I was getting the feeling that it was more about my magic, maybe some sort of magical aura.
Though the weird thing was, I felt another one, not nearby but actually inside me. I didn't know what that might mean for ponies, but put together with everything else that was happening, there was only one thing it could mean.
I was pregnant.

Aside from Charlie slowly learning how to figure out how to use her unicorn abilities bit by bit, it's that last sentence that ends the chapter that really hits you. It's one of those wham lines. It's been foreshadowed throughout the chapter, Charlie figuring it out bit by bit with her magical senses, or her intellegence, but here it is right out in the open. She's got a little one with her, and now things are just about to get that little bit more complicated.

Okay, I have to say, after New Town Alicorn, this was a nice breather. Not perfect, but still extremely very good. And I mean really good. How do I rate it? Well, as much as I'd love to give it a perfect gold metal, sadly I cannot. It's going to have to settle for silver because of the grammer errors I kept picking up, amongst other things. Still, it rates pretty high at 8/10, bordering on 9.

May have to come back to this fic someday, really.

Happy (Early) Birthday Ruin.

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