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"You know, in a fictional world containing talking animals, where friendship is literally magic, it would be safe to assume that anything is possible." -me

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Adoptable Idea 15 · 9:22am Oct 3rd, 2018

While helping another author edit their story, I came up with an alternative idea for how their character reached Equestria. They ended up not using it, so I'm reposting it here. I may have borrowed some of it from Machinations of a Trickster by Deviance and mixed it with a little from an episode of Stargate: SG-1 and The Magicians


Today was finally Friday. I had finally arrived home to my one bed apartment after a really shitty week at work, dog-tired and grumpy. I just need to turn off my brain and forget about work for a few hours and just get some sleep. I unlocked door the door and walk in, hanging up jacket on the usual wall hook as I pass, throw my key ring onto the small kitchen island counter, then shuffle off to my room.
'Wait a second,'. I think to myself, 'Did I miss the counter?'
I didn't hear them land with the usual clatter. Maybe they overshot and landed on the carpeted living room floor.
I turn around and shuffle to where I thought they landed only to see them suspended in the air, nearly a four feet off the floor, impossibly hanging in the air.
'No damn way I'm dealing with this shit right now.' The keys can just ducking stay there for all I care. I just want to take a shower and get my ass to bed. Mysterious lack of gravity or whatever the hell that is can wait 'till tomorrow.

So I do just that. I shower, tidy up my bed, then casually toss my body under the covers to get some much needed sleep.

The next morning I grumble at the rising sun while plod out of room. I’m definitely not a morning person, afternoon person, or an evening person. I may not even be a person at this point but I had things to accomplish today. I do the usual morning bathroom stuff (shit, shave, shower), then then while still running a towel over my damp hair, I head to the kitchen for food. I found the keys still floating, suspended in mid-air, probably in the same place they were last night. It was late, and dark, and I didn't take a measurement or anything, get off my back. I toss the damp towel onto the keys in a shallow hope to unstick them from whatever not-gravity thing is going on with them. The towel just hung from them like a sickly thin ghost but nothing much else happens.

I continue to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. It was my usual bowl of Froot Loops (shut up, those are awesome) with two-percent milk. I lean against the kitchen counter to ponder the keys some more. Take the spoon I was eating with and give the towel-key-ghost-thing a sharp thwack. No dice. I finish my cereal and put the bowl in the sink to be cleaned later.

I pull off the towel, ball it up a little, and throw it down the hall toward the bathroom. I'll pick it up later, don't look at me that way, you're not my real dad. Again, using my spoon, I give one of the separate keys an experimental poke. The spoon just clicks off their surface. I try again, this time I push so hard the handle of the spoon starts to bend. Fucking cheap Chinese flatware is probably made out of silver-painted lead or something. The single key doesn't even budge. "Fuck this," I think to myself, "I'll need them to unlock up my apartment door later', so I just reach out and grab them.

My hand tingles. The world twists in upon itself like I was being flushed down a sideways toilet.


All was still, nothing was the same. The air was calm, quiet, then the screaming started. The air, this very place was full of shrieks of terror. A flurry of motion passed in front of me. A maddening, frantic scramble, then nothing. Stillness returned to this place, where ever it was. Then from out of the nothing came a hushed whisper. From somewhere behind me there came a gentile murmur of reply. Indistinguishable voices coming out of the hazy mist drifting all around me.

I lifted the spoon to my face and licked a solitary drop of milk from its surface as I looked around. There was frantic movement everywhere, just out of sight. Many of them were screaming, trying to hide, possibly from me. Not knowing what else to do, I just stood there, taking it all in.

I lowered my arm down to my side, dangling the spoon from the tips of my fingers, then released, letting it drop to the ground. It didn’t even land. Without a sound, it was just gone. It just ceased to be. There was no spoon.
“What is any of this?” I ask into the nothingness.
The murmuring voices, all the screaming, everything went silent. Panic began to rise in my chest and one solitary thought flitted through my mind, “I knew I should have stayed in bed today.”

There was pale geometry in the mist ahead some distance away from me and it was growing larger.
The briskly approaching shape had made progress out of the mist and finally came into view. It spoke in velvet tones, like melted chocolate had smoked a pack of cigarettes since it was a teenager, "Hello, {CHARACTER NAME}. You took your time getting here."
It, no S/HE, was {NARRATOR DESCRIPTION}. Everything about this was impossible, and yet, there S/HE was in all their {NARRATOR DESCRIPTION} glory, standing there , observing me. Judging my every move, silently waiting for who-knows-what; a sneeze, a cough, a blink, a simple lapse in judgement.
NARRATOR : “But we have no need of such formalities. You may simply address me as {NARRATOR NAME}.”

====Other lines to use===
NARRATOR : “There are more than a novemtrigintillion worlds out there. Do you have any idea how big of a number that is?
I slowly shook my head in reply.
NARRATOR : “That’s a one followed by one-hundred-twenty zeroes. From all those beings on all those worlds you were chosen to fulfill a wish and I am here to facilitate the transaction.”

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