STARS! IT IS FULL OF STARS! [NSFW][RIFF] · 2:25pm Oct 31st, 2012
Alright, so there's this guy called Monster0.
He wrote 3 clop stories
None of them have more than 7 thumbs up
All of them have more tan 40 thumbs down, up to a maximum of 63
This one is called "My Life", tagged as "romance". It's a bad aspirine and mentos trip all round.
I say, let the games begin. Hit the jump
It was another average day at my house. My brother was clopping in the attic, my father was clopping in the bathroom, my sister was naked and being a whore, and and some pony was having a heart attack on the couch.
THE. FIRST. TWO. FUCKING. SENTENCES.
Excuse me for a second here
WOW
I...I THINK THIS GUY JUST BEAT SHAKESPEAREHEMMINGWAY. AND COMICSNIX. AND ABRAXAS. IN ONE MOVE.
My younger sister was bored as hell. She had no idea what to do, until someone suddenly knocked on the door. She got up and opened the door. It was Snails.
I would say something coherent here but I'm still utterly gobsmacked by the sheer insanity that this fic has managed to convey in the first thirty seconds.
His dick was the size of a spec.
First of all, I think he meant "speck", and second of all, that doesn't even matter because none of this makes any damn sense at all.
"Brianna I have came back for you," Said Snails. He slowly lifted up a new amulet. Suddenly, Snail's new amulet started glowing. "This amulet… has the power to give orgasms!"
Someone get me Bricken on the phone, this is a fucking miracle.
Everyone in the house started receiving uncontrollable orgasms. My brother got jizz all over the roaches and cobwebs. Dad stained the walls with his own jizz, My older sister was so wet she was leaking puddles, and the pony on the couch was now having a heart attack, seizure, and orgasm all at the same time.
Ahem
/inhale
Some of my father's jizz shot off a mirror and out of the bathroom, and hit Snails in the eye. He screamed so loud his amulet shattered. He retreated quickly. Everypony gathered up in the TV room. The pony was laying on the couch, dead.
"SOMEONE GET ME 20 SHAVED NUNS, A GIANT TANKER FULL OF LUBE, THE CORPSES OF THE GHOSTBUSTERS, M. NIGHT., STEVEN SPIELBERG'S NANNY, AN M1 ABRAMS, THE TARDIS FILLED WITH STRIPPERS AND A PAIR OF SPEEDO SWIMMING TRUNKS. STAT!" said Monster0
"But son, why?"
"NO TIME, DAD! GO INTO THE ATTIC AND MASTURBATE!" The frenzied author opened Word "TIME TO WRITE ME SOME FANFICTION!"
The residents of Ponyville (Including me and my family) had show up at the pony's funeral. They dug a (giant) hole into the ground for the pony's dead and naked body. As a little dirt got onto him, My older sister stopped everyone.She ripped off her clothes and started rapidly fucking the pony's dead body. Dad made everyone pay 10$ to watch.
WEAR IT WITH PRIDE, MONSTER0, WEAR IT WITH PRIDE.
My sister was horrified, my brother, however, was hard as hell. He quickly trotted into the outhouse to clop.
Wasn't she fucking the dead poOOONAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH
He was just about to start until his sister came in crying about the pony's death and being scarred for life thanks to her sister.
HOW MANY FUCKING SISTERS DO YOU HAVE?!
GOOD SIR, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THE VERSIMILITUDE OF WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE
She wiped away her tears and looked at at her brother, shocked. She had no idea what she had just done, she was so embarrassed, but somehow liked what she saw. Before they knew it, they were doing hardcore incest. The outhouse was shaking left and right forming a rhythm with the moaning and grunting.
Is anyone else's brain on fire right now?
Meanwhile, back at the funeral, my sister had done the pony too hard. It went too far, and she died.
It would appear that I have accidentally unloaded my handgun straight into my crotch. How distressing.
The whole paying crowd had clopped. My father yelled at them and told them to leave. Some hesitated, but when he took out his own colthood out, they all ran away as fast as they could.
I would cry but my eyes have turned to dust quite some time ago
Then my dad heard loud moaning and grunting nearby. He neared the outhouse. The voices sounded familiar, but he couldn't recognize them to well. He started clopping to the sounds.
I tried to hang myself about five minutes ago but the wooden beam broke, crushing a part of my bain. Oh well, not like I'll ever need it again.
After a few seconds, my brother and sister stopped what they were doing. They heard clopping sounds outside the outhouse. My brother slowly opened the door, and my father shoved his dick in the doorway. "Have any room for one more?" he asked. Then he saw who it was. He was shocked. He closed the door and ran.
He ran trough the closed outhouse. After presenting his dick to his father. This just happened.
Hours later, my brother and sister were sitting outside in the everfree forest. They knew what would happen if they came back to their dad, but they couldn't just run away. They had to kill him.
No pony could know of what they had done. They geared up with weapons, knives, guns, and everything. There was no time to waste, they rushed to the house. My dad was on the phone, telling the cops about all that had happened.
This guy doesn't fuck logic, he makes tender love to logic, gives it illegitimate children and then leaves the family on welfare.
He also had a whole Microsoft Word document written about it, that was 90% done being sent to everyone in Ponyville.
Wait a minute...
You are YOUR OWN FATHER?!
My brother took his gun, and put it near his head. He slowly pulled the trigger and said, "Dad, you will one day burn in a endless hell." then died.
So he essentially commited suicide and your father was left unharmed? But if you are your own father, doesn't that make your borther the other half of your father meaning that your dad is now paralysed on the left/right side of his body?
Excuse me, but
My sister screamed and let out puddles of tears. She took her weapons. She wanted to avenge her brother. She killed everyone in Ponyville, and finally, jumped off a cliff with no desire to live her life any longer.
Welcome to the fucking club, lady
Then spike came across her dead body. It got him SO hard, he just had to buck her.
Enter the necrophilia again.
He got on top of the corpse and flipped her over, pulled her pants down, and started doing anal. He started thrusting, he was glad she was dead because he didn't have to hear her complain about on how he was doing it. He then took his dick out, flipped her over and shoved it in her pussy, and started thrusting again. He came, he let out a roar and flames came out, setting the ground on fire next to him. (He didn't notice the fire) He then stuck his dick in her mouth, and started thrusting again. Then, he ripped his dick out (His dick in my sister's teeth) as he was about to kiss her, he screamed in agony and let flames out, AGAIN. The corpse got set in flames, but luckily Spike rolled off this time; into the fire next to him.
Also, as you may know, this is Spike. 
The one who just "screamed in agony" after "bucking" "the corpse".
YOU EARNED IT, BUDDY
He screamed, "HALP, MY DICK GOT RIPPED OFF AND IS IN FLAMES!" He then got burnt to crisp while cum, piss, and blood spewed out of his dick.
BUT THEN, his fluids extinguished the fire and he got up and started walking to Ponyville, all burnt.
Again:
...just extinguished his own, torched body using his urine, his blood and his semen.
Once he got to Ponyville, all ponies rushed inside their houses. They were scared shitless. He knocked on Twilight's door,she said, "GO AWAY, MONSTER FROM HECK!"
Trust me, you can say hell. You've put me trough it, so why not just say it.
Spike cried like a little bitch and ran to a cliff where he could commit suicide. Right when he was about to jump, a guard stopped him "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!" The guard punched him and bucked him in the face MANY MANY times
I do hope that by "buck" you mean "hit with hind legs". If it's "buck" as in "fuck"...
and
YEP
Then threw him off the cliff. He landed right where the pony he bucked was, (The corpse broke his fall) then he got horny and started kissing her. But with his dick in her mouth, he threw up fire. Burning her and him.
AND THAT'S THAT.
All those who are still alive, vacate the audience section and proceed to the bar area.
...pistol with one bullet and brain bleach provided separately...
I read this... creation.
And then it was sixteen hours later and I don't know what happened.
Oh, well. At least I found this!
This can't even be called clop of any sort!
Writing clop is hard!(heh)
I'm trying to write some and it's making me uncomfortable as hell.
But I digress.
...
Well, I'm off to drink some(read: world's entire supply) anti-freeze.
Shit, this was the thing I was supposed to do with you. Sorry, something came up. And took out my power for five hours and my Internet until the next afternoon. Sandy's a BITCH.
463857
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Aww, whats the fun with pistols after all THAT monstrosity?
We need to go out in style.
image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/61166/61166,1281978297,1/stock-photo-russian-roulette-with-the-bullet-out-concept-of-play-risking-his-own-life-59145097.jpg
And lets have fun while were at it.
img4-2.cookinglight.timeinc.net/i/2002/07/0207p80d-whiskey-m.jpg?300:300
You in?
463862
Sure, as soon as a sufficient amount of brain tissue returns into my cranium
463863
I know that feel, bro.
So, let's see... Brain - exploded. Eyes - shrivelled up. Soul - already sacrificed.
Yep, none too worse for the wear.
463860
Since I live in Winslow, AZ, this is my take on Sandy
i.imgur.com/haaLc.jpg
463864
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I can't even... I don't even... I can't.
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4850-1336854853120.png
463948
Come for the show, stay because the fandom killed your fucking soul!
463917
Me neither. Just keep drinking
.... Remind me again why I read these when you put them out?
465113
Because you have a second account under the name "NaughtyPoodicus"?
465146
SexyPoodicus to be correct.,. God I hope I do well enough and continue doing well enough to never end up here.
465168
I shall keep a close eye on you, fimfiction batman. If you slip, fall or trip, I shall be there...
...to riff RELENTLESSLY