Author's Commentary: Critical Mass Chapter 8 · 8:01pm Jul 27th, 2018
Well... I'm finally here. The last chapter of Critical Mass... I can't believe that I'm finally here. It's been a long, hard journey for me. Chapter 8, one of my favorite chapters to ever have written... at least from what I remember. I'm looking forward to this. I hope you are too.
When I planned Critical Mass, especially this chapter, I needed this chapter to be absolutely perfect. This chapter isn't absolutely perfect. I tried to convey a theme of "Yeah, everything's pretty bad and Twilight's been through a lot, but it'll be okay because Rainbow is there for her." And as much as I may not want to admit it, I did want Twilight to be more or less broken by the time this chapter came around, so Rainbow could show mercy and love towards Twilight in how she took care of her. This chapter was intended to be a thing of beauty. It was supposed to show beauty in how Rainbow helped Twilight, even more so with her asking nothing in return. I feel like I failed to show that, and the chapter didn't go exactly as I had planned. It took a detour towards the end that sort of derailed it...
I had started this commentary, which is to say that I wrote the opening for this aside from this paragraph, before my Summer Semester of college started, but it's now over, so now I'm actually going to get around to finishing this. Just a friendly reminder, Radiant is being released in just over a week! (August 4th!)
Warning, this Author's Commentary ("Commentary") will contain spoilers for Critical Mass Chapter 8. If you have not read Chapter 8 in Critical Mass, I advise you to turn away now and come back later. This Commentary may also contain information which has been said before in prior Commentaries, Author's Notes at the end of chapters, or in comments I have made. Be warned, it could also contain spoilers for future stories in this series.
You have been warned.
Twilight jolted awake. Her eyes shot open, and the heart rate monitor's beeping sped up. A dark room greeted her. She swallowed as she stared up at the ceiling. Despite the darkness, she immediately recognized it. A part of her wanted to frown or growl at the mocking white ceiling staring back down at her, she wanted to lash out at the all too familiar sight, but she was too numb for that. She was tired, and she felt cold. The warm blankets enveloping her helped, but she still felt bitterly cold, a memory of what had been. She was tired, and the soft bed below her back was bliss compared to what she had laid on for the past week, but it still felt wrong. She couldn't feel Rainbow beside her.
I've said it before; I'll say it again: Twilight hates hospitals now.
In truth, I don't know if I handled this okay or not. I don't have experience with this and I didn't really know how to portray it, Twilight losing her wing, and her reaction to that. Although I do like the contrasts here- cold but warm, safe yet vulnerable. To elaborate further, she's cold because her wing is gone (if you couldn't guess that) and because of what happened. It might also be that she's still damp from the rain, I can't remember right now, but I'm sure I'll find out. She's safe because she's been rescued, but vulnerable because she's (thinks she's) alone, and she can't really protect herself.
She didn't see or hear anypony else around. She was alone, and the feeling of loneliness sank into her heart and chest. She felt hollow, even after being rescued from Queen Chrysalis, there was nopony there for her. Not Celestia, not Luna, not one of her friends, nor her student, and neither was Rainbow Dash there. The room was silent and empty, and the loneliness stung like a betrayal. Even her mind was silent, too tired and too occupied with what happened to say anything.
This is supposed to convey a great feeling of disappointment- Twilight's just been rescued from the clutches of Queen Chrysalis, so of course she'd hope to wake up and see everypony there with her, surrounding her with smiles, and hugging her, letting her know that they love her and that she's safe, but instead, darkness, silence, and solitude. It'd be crushing, or at least I'm fairly certain if I was in her position I'd be crushed, and probably very bitter.
She swallowed, then licked her lips. Her mouth was dry, and her lips were rough. She forced the memory of her dry lips away, then she slowly brought her eyes back to rest on the blankets covering her body. She slowly pulled a forehoof out from the blanket, then laid it down on top of the blanket and laid her forehoof over her chest. She brought her other forehoof out from the blankets and placed it on her chest beside her other forehoof, then she lifted her head up. For a split second, her vision shifted, as if the room had been turned around her by thirty degrees, almost like something Discord would do, but by the time she noticed it, it had returned to normal.
The memory referenced here is of her time in captivity when she didn't have access to enough water.
Her side was bandaged and flat. It was plainly evident that the bandage was only covering her body, and that there was nothing underneath the wrap. The white bandage showed no signs of her still bleeding, but her coat was still bloodied and grimy from her lack of bathing. She blinked several times and swung her head back around. She looked straight ahead at the wall for a moment, then her head slumped and her eyes shifted to stare down at the blankets.
From an in-universe perspective I have no answer for why they didn't give her a bath or shower when she got to the hospital, so perhaps a logistics breakdown or they may have been more concerned about Twilight's injury, but it seems a bit odd. In truth, this was set up for a later scene, which may be obvious. That later scene is one I really wanted to write into this story since I more or less started planning it.
She slouched forward and clenched her eyes shut as the hot pain rolled through her side and washed over her body. She bared her teeth from the agony, and tears rolled down her eyes. As quickly as the pain came, it passed, but her side continued to throb beneath the oppressively tight bandage. She lifted a shaky forehoof to her eyes and wiped away her tears. Her lips remained open, even as her mouth stayed closed. She looked back to her left and gazed out the windows at the starry night sky.
In a way, Twilight gos from being a prisoner to Chrysalis back to being a prisoner to herself/her mind/her depression... There's a specific word I'm looking for, but I can't quite put my tongue on it. Circumstances? That might be closer to what I'm thinking of...
Her ears folded back and her muzzle slowly dropped downward. Her eyes glazed over as they slowly slid back to their prior focus of blankly staring at the bed sheets. The condemning loneliness permeated her whole body, and as the seconds passed, she felt more and more numb and distant. She felt empty. She was broken. She felt useless. 'Nopony is here because I'm not worth it...' It was the first coherent thought she had since she woke up. Her legs wobbled, and her body shuddered as she inhaled, brought on by the pain of the thought.
Now, it's probably pretty clear that as of right now, Twilight's more or less at her most vulnerable state. The possible exception might be when Rainbow rescued her, but they're both pretty much on the same level. Twilight is completely vulnerable right now. I've emphasized Twilight's vulnerability a lot in the commentary series because it's important. Twilight is at her absolute most vulnerable state, rock bottom, so to say. Everything looks bleak and hopeless, there's pretty much nothing left for her to cling to for hope. And then Rainbow is there for her. Rainbow shows Twilight mercy and kindness, and helps and takes care of her. To put it simply, Twilight falls and then can't get up, so Rainbow is there to pick her back up. This is a display of actual love, in that Rainbow doesn't really gain much by helping Twilight, but she does it anyway. It's not love like you probably most often see, where two are portrayed as "madly in love with each other" but their actions can betray that, in that they don't help each other or they don't forgive each other.
And that is what is supposed to be brought out in this chapter. That special kind of love that is an action, a choice, a kind of love that sacrifices for another's well being. That is supposed to be displayed, and that's why I think this is a beautiful chapter. It's meant to be a beautiful chapter because of this, but I'm not sure I conveyed it right. The chapter isn't perfect and has flaws that may detract from this, and it's disheartening.
To Twilight, she looked like the most beautiful pony in the world, yet she still didn't believe Rainbow was actually there, and she still didn't smile. She continued to stare at Rainbow, still struggling with what happened.
I probably should have worded that last sentence better. It doesn't really convey what it needs to, or rather, it does, but not in the right way.
At first, Twilight resisted Rainbow's coaxing, but then she glanced over at her. The pain in Rainbow's eyes was enough to make her stop resisting, and she let Rainbow pull her against her side while she stared at Rainbow. Her eyes started to burn, and she blinked several times. As soon as she felt Rainbow's shoulder against hers, she relaxed and leaned into her. "I-I'm sorry... Rainbow..." she whimpered.
I'm not sure if it makes me sound arrogant or not, but I'm tearing up a bit from reading this, but then again, I recognize how everything is woven together since I'm the author. And yet, I still can't enjoy it or experience it like you all can because I'm the author...
Twilight turned her body toward Rainbow and pressed her forehead into her, then cautiously wrapped her forelegs around Rainbow's body and held her. "I... I-I... I..." She didn't know where to start. She opened her eyes and cried into Rainbow's chest. She sniffled and her body shuddered, shaking uncontrollably with each breath she took in. Her breathing was unsteady, despite Rainbow holding her and brushing her mane.
"Shh... it's okay, just... let it out..." Rainbow coaxed. She squeezed Twilight and held her closer. She unfurled her left wing, then laid it around Twilight's body, carefully avoiding the bandage on her side. She slid her right wing up to Twilight's shoulder, then slowly slid her wing down across Twilight's side, brushing her feathers against Twilight's coat. She relished feeling Twilight's coat against her feathers, and both of them took comfort in it. Feeling the heat and wetness from Twilight's tears, however, brought her to tears. She closed her eyes and nuzzled Twilight again. She continued to stroke her mane and hold her close, refusing to let her go and refusing to let anything come in between them.
I don't actually have any commentary for this; I just want to ask how I did with this.
Eventually, Twilight recovered enough for her breathing to calm. She slowly slid her forehooves over Rainbow's sides, feeling her friend's soft, inviting coat. She wanted nothing more than to bury herself in Rainbow's body and never leave, but she couldn't do that. It wasn't fair for Rainbow, and it was demanding too much from the pony who was already giving her so much. Her ears folded back in shame, and she shifted her head, causing Rainbow to lift her head off of hers, then she pulled her head back and looked away from Rainbow.
Humor might not be the best way to take this commentary because of this chapter's content, but Twilight is absolutely serious about that, in that she wants to just cuddle with her and never leave her side... I wonder if there's any mention of that in Radiant..?
Rainbow calmly brought a forehoof up to Twilight's muzzle and gently brushed her hoof alongside her, then gently coaxed Twilight back into facing her. Twilight immediately stared down at Rainbow's chest to avoid eye contact. Rainbow smiled down at Twilight, then leaned down and slowly slid her muzzle across Twilight's muzzle, then she slid back and continued brushing their muzzles together in a tender, affectionate nuzzle. After the first few strokes, Twilight tilted her head into Rainbow's nuzzle and returned it. After they broke, Rainbow brushed away Twilight's mane, then leaned in and gently placed her warm, wet lips on Twilight's forehead, right where her horn would have been.
Nuzzles are awesome. I pictured this as not only heartwarming but just heart-meltingly sweet and cute. I hope that's what you pictured, because if your heart didn't melt from reading this, I have completely failed in my duty as an author and must cancel everything and rethink my life.
Twilight smiled faintly and sighed, then leaned over to Rainbow and laid her head on Rainbow's shoulder. She nuzzled against her, then buried her nose in Rainbow's mane and inhaled deeply. She closed her eyes, then calmly exhaled, blowing air out into Rainbow's mane. She held onto Rainbow tighter. "I... thank you, Rainbow... for... coming to get me, and... for keeping me safe and... bringing me home... And... thank you for being here, and... staying with me and..." she trailed off and resumed nuzzling Rainbow to show her thanks and affection to the pegasus.
Twilight is quite affectionate. Then again, ponies in general seem to be quite affectionate. And Rainbow is quite affectionate... when she wants to be...
Twilight felt guilty and closed her eyes as Rainbow's voice crackled. 'This is all my fault... she's hurting because of me, and... it's all my fault...' She slowly shifted her weight and pulled away from Rainbow, only for the pegasus to stop her from leaving. 'I've only hurt you and everypony else since... I'm such a burden, and... now I'm even more of a burden because I can't fly and I don't have my wing...' Her expression fell further and further with each passing second, but she maintained an outward appearance of calm.
If I'm remembering correctly, this is supposed to imply she contemplated killing herself.
Upon hearing the distress in Twilight's voice, Rainbow quickly scooted back over to Twilight and laid a wing around her side comfortingly. Twilight glanced over at her idly and looked at her absently before looking back at Doctor Manner. "You... should get some rest," he said. "I... Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Prince Armor, and your friends are all waiting in one of the waiting rooms..." he said. "They will want to see you in the morning, I'm sure... Princess Celestia... insisted... that Rainbow Dash stay with you..." he trailed off. "I... don't mind it. I know you two are close... just... please be careful. The bleeding had stopped by the time you got here, but it wouldn't be good for you to start bleeding again..." he trailed off.
You know how Cadance is the Princess of Love? Wouldn't you expect her to be the one doing something like that? But instead, it's Celestia shipping the two of them. Celestia will play an increasingly important role in the future of this series... It may become obvious why in Radiant. Or at least I hope I can get her to play a more important role. I really want to flush out her character and show her just... being her best, being a good pony, and having a close friendship with both Rainbow and Twilight. I also want to flush out Luna more, along with her friendship with Twilight and Rainbow.
I want to give a slight spoiler about a future story here, but I won't, other than saying it relates to bleeding... Bonus points if you figure it out before it comes up.
"Is it okay if I sleep with her?" Rainbow asked. She shifted her weight, a little uncomfortable about her question and admitting that she wanted to sleep with Twilight to somepony she didn't know that well. "I uh... I was sleeping on the couch because I didn't want to accidentally hurt her..." she trailed off.
Only in this series can that be asked so casually 
I don't regret making this universe where that's not immediately taken as not sleeping. It's not a euphemism.
"With time, and... if you put the effort into it, then yes, it will work, Twilight," Doctor Manner replied. "It won't be easy, but..." he trailed off and took a deep breath. "And, on that note, there is some good news. Our scans did show that a lot of your magic was starting to gather in your side. On top of that, despite the damage done by the radiation, and... your apparent starvation..." he trailed off and grimaced.
Rainbow slowly looked at Twilight, as if trying to get her to say it wasn't true. Twilight remained silent, and Rainbow felt anxiety well up inside her chest once more. She swallowed and licked her now dry lips.
Just put yourself in Rainbow's position for a moment. Finding out that someone held Twilight, the pony that you love, captive and starved her.
And yes, the magic gathering in her side is a... I can't think of the word. It's not exactly a Chekov's gun, but it's a Chekov's gun. Foreshadowing. That's sort of what it is. It's probably obvious what it's foreshadowing, and it's probably obvious what will happen, and if it's not, then it's probably obvious because I'm saying it's obvious or talking about it. So it probably won't come as a surprise, but maybe a disappointment.
On a definitely completely unrelated note, Radiant comes out in just over a week!
"Your side is healing quite nicely. And there's no sign of infection, at least right now. I can't be sure, at least not this early, but I think that your wing is going to grow back," Doctor Manner said optimistically.
"No sign of infection." My headcanon is that alicorns are immune to most diseases, and it's pretty much canon for this series too. Most diseases. At one point in time, I think I mulled over Twilight developing cancer, but it's not going to happen. From a canonical standpoint, alicorns are immune to it. And realistically, they'd have to be if they have such long lifespans. Celestia should have died from cancer by now if she wasn't immune to it. So thus alicorns must have a special kind of DNA polymerase that prevents any kind of DNA replications errors. And that makes perfect sense because of Twilight's body being able to heal genetic damage. ...I took a biology class this semester, okay? So yes, I know what DNA polymerase is. It's the enzyme that replicates DNA. Now I want to go off on a tangent about that... Although this might create a slight plot hole, in that Twilight can recover from genetic damage but she's still barren/infertile/sterile. Well, I suppose it's probably more than a slight plot hole, to be honest...
I may have to revise some of my plans, but I really don't want to, because I really like the plans that I have now, although I could kill two birds with one stone if I did revise it, but I don't want to kill two birds with one stone considering what those two birds are.
I wonder if you could consider a pegasus and an alicorn birds? Just a random thought. Some people do call pegasi bird horses. Would that make alicorns princess bird horses? Oh, and then there's... I think it's Scootertrix the Abridged, where Rainbow Dash is "The Bird." Ah man, that's a great series. Yeah, I'm like 90% certain it's Scootertrix the Abridged. You should look that up if you haven't, it's pretty good.
Doctor Manner grimaced and nodded slowly. "I'll have a nurse come and bring you some food and help you bathe," he said.
Twilight grimaced and shifted her wing at her side. She winced as her right side throbbed in pain from her attempt to shift her non-existent wing. She fought through the pain and unsurely bobbed her head back and forth, idly looking across the room.
Rainbow shifted her weight and grimaced. "Um..." she glanced at Twilight and then Doctor Manner. Both of them looked at her, Doctor Manner with curiosity, and Twilight with unsureness. She inhaled and then exhaled. "I can help her, instead of a nurse..." she offered. She shifted her weight again and watched Twilight, who blinked a few times before looking back around at Doctor Manner.
"I... would prefer that..." Twilight said calmly.
I wouldn't quite know, but I would assume that it'd be embarrassing for Twilight (who just happens to be a princess) to have to have help bathing, so yes, I imagine she'd prefer one of her friends, specifically, the pony she loves (Rainbow) to help her, although it's still downright embarrassing for her. I cannot help but feel that it's a bit odd that they don't normally wear clothes, but Twilight's embarrassed that Rainbow bathes her and sees her back there. I could probably go into a very long philosophical monologue on musing over this. If you want me to, just comment and ask that, and I suppose I could try. Instead, I'll give you the short, blunt version, which is Twilight doesn't want to have sex and gets very nervous when Rainbow's cleaning her tail. But at least Rainbow is respectful, although she has seen Twilight and I really need to shut up before this blog post becomes NSFW.
Twilight watched Rainbow stare at her torn side. Twilight hung her head in defeat, and all her strength felt like it faded away. Her body throbbed, but her side didn't hurt. She felt weak, like a newborn foal, and she felt insignificantly small. And Rainbow could see her weakness. There was nothing left to prevent Rainbow from seeing how weak, vulnerable, and broken Twilight was. Twilight clenched her eyes shut and cried.
I tried to avoid being too descriptive with Twilight's wound because this isn't that kind of story/series. I figured it would be incredibly out of place for there to be a great deal of gore, and I didn't particularly want to push that and put you through having to read that. I tried to avoid going over the top and such...
And here we see more of Twilight's vulnerability displayed... and it's, once again, meant to make Rainbow's care and actions all the more important, impactful, and meaningful.
This chapter has a lot of scenes in it that I think would make great pieces of art, but then again, I'm probably biased. Oh, if I had money, I'd commission a bunch of art relating to this series. In particular, for this story, the scene with Chrysalis standing over Twilight, with Twilight crouched down protectively as she stands between Chrysalis and Rainbow, along with maybe Rainbow talking to Twilight, while Twilight just stands there after Luna engages Chrysalis, and of course, the two of them in the shower, Rainbow holding Twilight, and probably the kiss. From Reaction, probably the scene with Twilight licking Rainbow's neck, and probably the two of them cuddling on clouds, and sleeping together on the couch, etc...
I think there's a lot of great art potential in this story. Now if only I actually had money, but no.
Also random comment, but this is one of the longest chapters I've ever written. I think the longest one is about 20k words long, but this is a close second.
Did I emphasize Twilight vulnerability/brokenness enough? I don't feel like I did. I mean it should be obvious, but I feel like the extent isn't truly shown. ...hopefully, Radiant sort of corrects that. But Radiant also ends relatively happily too, so it shouldn't be too painful.
Twilight sat there calmly as Rainbow worked the soap into her mane, then into her coat. Rainbow was gentle with her hooves, careful not to hurt her, and careful not to get any soap or water on her side. Twilight relaxed and slumped forward more as Rainbow continued washing her mane. After a while, Rainbow coaxed her head forward into the stream of water, then gently ran her forehooves through her mane to wash it out. Twilight closed her eyes and smiled weakly, letting herself relax in the warmth and enjoy the moment, along with her mane feeling clean and fresh again.
Rainbow poured soap out onto the wet sponge, then gently brushed it over Twilight's back and body. She thoroughly lathered her left side up and gently cleaned off her wings. She remained quiet as she worked, not wanting or needing to say anything. 'Twilight, I hate that you're so... I hate that you're so badly hurt, but... I don't mind doing this for you...' She sighed quietly, then went around behind Twilight. "Hey, uh... can... you scoot over?" she asked.
Twilight reluctantly leaned left, then scooted over. She instinctually flared her wing as she started to fall, and she tensed up, expecting to hit the hard floor. Rainbow quickly wrapped her forelegs around her and steadied her. "I've got you... I won't let you fall," Rainbow promised with a concerned smile. Twilight glanced over at her and nodded, but remained quiet.
Twilight depends on Rainbow a lot here. How many times has Rainbow promised Twilight that she'd be there for her, protect her, and or won't let her fall? A lot. I don't even know how many times...
Twilight nodded timidly. "Yes..." she answered. She swallowed and flashed Rainbow a weak smile and held it. "I trust you, Rainbow Dash," she said softly, her eyes glistening.
This is probably a bit cliche, which is sad, but... ah. It probably ruins it, doesn't it? I've probably said it before, but Twilight pretty much trusts Rainbow with her life. Well, I mean, Twilight pretty much did try to sacrifice herself to protect Rainbow, even if it was only going to give her a few more seconds...
Twilight has been through a lot... and she'll go through more, but... It'll be okay. I really, really hope I can write this series through to the conclusion I intend. That will simply be amazing if I can do that. I have so many plans for this series, and so much hope for it. I want to put so much effort into this, and I want it to show. Maybe an individual chapter won't be amazing, but in its entirity, I want to show something simply amazing.
And all of a sudden, I am remembering my weird dreams last night. My train of thought has no tracks.
I probably sound like a broken record with how much I emphasize Twilight's vulnerability and Rainbow being there for her... but there is a reason behind it, and I hope you see that.
Twilight clenched her jaw and stared straight down at her hooves, unblinkingly. If her mane had been long enough, it would have covered her face like Fluttershy's mane did, and she would have hidden her face behind her mane because of her embarrassment. She closed her eyes, then reluctantly pushed herself up into a standing position. She took a deep breath, then hesitantly spread her hind legs apart to brace herself so she could stand without falling over. Her heart pounded, and she blushed. She bit her lip and kept silent.
Rainbow hurried to finish cleaning Twilight's tail, then she poured more soap onto the sponge and started cleaning up Twilight's legs and flanks. Twilight shifted her weight and fidgeted on her hooves, making Rainbow hastily pulled the sponge back. "Sorry..."
Embarrassing and awkward, and I reference my earlier comments about Twilight. Additionally, it's sort of implied that Twilight's fidgeting caused a slight mishap.
Rainbow stared at Twilight for a couple of seconds, then resumed brushing the sponge against Twilight's inner thighs. Eventually, she finished her work. "Okay... done..." she said quietly. She hastily pulled back from Twilight and looked over her left side.
I could write this in great detail... but I choose not to. Take that last Twidash story I published, for example. The one that I won't name or link to because this isn't a NSFW blog post.
Twilight grunted, then whimpered. She lifted her forehooves up, then placed them on Rainbow's chest, and she pushed herself back from her. Rainbow was still stronger than her and refused to let her go, but she did move back a little from her. Rainbow swallowed in fear. "T-Twilight?" she asked pleadingly.
Twilight's lip quivered as she looked at Rainbow. "R-Rainbow, I... I don't have my horn, and it's not going to grow back for... for years! I... I don't have my wing, s-so I can't fly, and... I... I-I can't even walk! I can't do anything! I can't take c-care of myself! I used m-my magic f-for everything! An-and then once I could u-use my r-right wing t-to take care of my-myself, I-I lost it! I-I'm just a burden t-to you! Y-you sh-shouldn't b-be with m-me, it-it's not f-fair to you. I-I can't do anything for you, an-and all I am is a bur-burden to y-you all!"
Rainbow swallowed and her lip shook uncontrollably. Her ears folded back. "T-Twi, p-please don't... d-don't say that... y-you're not a burden! Don't you know h-how much that hurts when you s-say that?"
Twilight closed her eyes and hung her head, desperately avoiding Rainbow's gaze. "Y-yes I am," she retorted. "A-all I do is hur-hurt you..." She let out a choked sob. "I-I don't... want t-that..." she whimpered.
And Twilight breaks down... 
Twilight's body shivered continuously. After several seconds, she shifted her head under Rainbow. Rainbow lifted her head up and looked down at Twilight, who tentatively pulled back from her. She still looked defeated and broken, and she looked like she was hurting herself. Rainbow couldn't stand it. She slid a forehoof up to Twilight's muzzle, then lifted it up to face her. She quickly leaned down to Twilight and met her muzzle with a kiss, pressing her warm, soft lips into Twilight's cooler, moist, and rough lips. She tensed up and her heart stammered in shock when she realized what she was doing, and a tidal wave of fear and anxiety cascaded over her body. She felt jittery, she needed to move. She wanted to pull back and break the kiss, but at the same time, she felt drawn to stay there. She forced through the doubt and stayed there, kissing Twilight. After a second, she closed her eyes and relaxed into the kiss as her doubts melted away.
The kiss. Technically it's their first but also technically it's not, because they have kissed before, just they haven't shared one. Although I'm not really sure that can be considered sharing. So, Rainbow tries to kiss Twilight to make everything better, but it doesn't. Now, this is mostly because, you may remember, or maybe I've gone insane, but Twilight's pretty scared of that, in that she still hasn't quite accepted that Rainbow loves her, so she feels Rainbow's lips on hers, and freaks out and basically thinks that she's kissed Rainbow and that she's at fault and promptly has a panic attack and apologizes for it. Rainbow, on the other hoof, thoroughly enjoys it. This is also supposed to sort of be the climax of Rainbow coming to terms with, realizing, and accepting that she loves Twilight. Reaction was, in a way, Twilight's side of that story, and Critical Mass was Rainbow's side of it. I've thought to myself and maybe have said before, that Reaction was Twilight's story and Critical Mass was Rainbow's story.
Twilight blinked several times, then looked away from Rainbow. "I-I'm s-sorry..." she whimpered fearfully.
"Why..?" Rainbow asked softly, her voice disbelieving.
Twilight shivered more and clenched her eyes shut. "I-I kissed you! I-I'm s-sorry, I-I shouldn't h-have d-done that!" she said in panicked fear.
In a way, this is kind of funny, because Twilight's overreacting and downright wrong, but still, it's more heartbreaking than funny. Imagine being Rainbow and hearing that...
Twilight's shivering slowly stopped, and she opened and closed her mouth repeatedly as if she wasn't sure what was happening. Rainbow watched her with baited breath, her heart feeling like it was sinking beneath icy waves, and the coldness felt like it permeated her whole body, emanating from her chest. Eventually, Twilight looked up at her. Her eyes were soft and curious. They weren't hollow or fearful, although they were nervous and timid. "You..." she said softly. She looked over Rainbow's lips for several seconds, her eyes shifting from left to right. She blinked, then looked straight ahead at Rainbow's neck, and her eyes looked off the side.
Over a few seconds, a smile pulled on Rainbow's lips, pulling them upward. Twilight looked back up at her, then hesitantly, tentatively, leaned forward a short distance. Twilight hesitated and shivered. She gradually leaned in a little more, then paused again. Both of them could feel each other's breath against their muzzles.
Rainbow slowly leaned back down and gently embraced Twilight's lips with her own lips. She sighed softly, feeling Twilight's lips against her own sensitive lips. She watched Twilight's eyes slowly close in bliss, and she both saw and felt Twilight relax in her embrace. She pulled Twilight closer to herself and closed her own eyes as she rubbed her lips against Twilight's lips. Twilight sighed calmly and leaned into Rainbow. She tentatively parted her lips, then hesitantly slid her tongue forward, but kept it inside her mouth. She reluctantly brushed her tongue against Twilight's lips, and she felt Twilight's jaw relax a little, but it didn't part, and her body shivered while her wing bristled.
And then it clicks that Rainbow kissed her, and then they actually share a kiss. I'll be honest, I don't think I wrote them kissing very well. I'm not used to writing that, and quite frankly, I don't have experience with what kissing is like. And to be honest, the idea of kissing, to me, seems weird and a bit off-putting. And so I have no idea how well I wrote this, and it felt awkward to write. I relied pretty much entirely on my experience of reading fanfiction (specifically Twidash) to write this scene. How did I do?
Rainbow frowned. "Oh, come on, Twi... You're my best friend, and I love you... there's nopony I would rather be with. I promised you I would help you, and I'm gonna help you and take care of you. Alright? You'll get better eventually. I promise," she said gently. "You just need to relax. Whenever you worry, that's when you're hurting the most. You're not useless, and you're not a burden on anypony. Stop telling yourself that, because it's not true. So what if you don't have your horn or if you can't fly or walk? Friends are supposed to be there for each other, in good times, and especially in the bad times. I'd be a pretty terrible friend if I wasn't here for you now, Twilight..." she trailed off and rubbed her chin into the back of Twilight's mane.
Twilight took a deep breath, then calmly exhaled. She closed her eyes and slid her muzzle down and pressed her forehead into Rainbow's chest. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for... giving me a chance, Rainbow..." she whispered.
This might feel somewhat rushed. Also, I miss Twilight before she was a princess, back when she had her freak outs... It really bothers Twilight that she can't thank Rainbow enough for all she's done. Although I suppose there is a way, theoretically, that she could thank her properly...
I kind of wish I had a psychology degree so I could analyze both of them psychologically. I think that would be fun.
"Well, you can start by stop being so unhappy all the time and worrying so much. Seriously, Twi... you need to relax," Rainbow replied. "You overthink everything too much, you should think with your heart more."
Twilight's lips flashed into a smile and she snorted. The smile quickly faded and she sighed longingly. "It's... not that easy, Rainbow... I've... I've been through a lot. I can't just... recover from this overnight. A kiss... it... doesn't fix it... It's... going to take me a while before I'm... okay," she said timidly.
Poor Twilight, always worrying and overthinking... If I get a chance to write this series to completion, Twilight will conquer her worry, fear, and stress. It won't happen overnight, it'll be a slow, subtle process, but there will be a difference, and so when this series finally ends, you'll be able to reread it and see how much things have changed, and how much they've stayed the same, all through this journey...
I somewhat wonder if I have delusions of grandeur when it comes to writing this story. But I really mean that I want to make this series a beautiful work of art. I want to make this series the best it can be and write a beautiful story.
I wonder if that relates any to some of the inspiration for this series having come from Twidashforever's TiM series. Probably.
Twilight glanced back behind herself, then she grimaced. She nodded, then repositioned herself and shifted her weight and leaned back. She carefully laid down on her back, then drew her tail up in between her legs. Rainbow smiled awkwardly, then stepped around and poured shampoo out onto Twilight's chest, stomach and abdomen.
I don't quite remember why Twilight pulled her tail up in between her legs, but I'm assuming now that it was for her privacy.
Right now in the middle of this chapter, I'm concerned that Radiant may utterly fail because it's a bit of a sharp contrast with how right now displays Twilight, so I'm really, really concerned that there's going to be a disconnect that ruins things...
Twilight shared Rainbow's grimace and nodded timidly. "I... guess I should get used to this, then..." she muttered.
Rainbow turned around and walked back over to the shower, then she sat down on the haunches. "I won't hurt you..."
Twilight winced. "I... know that, and I trust you, it's just... I'm not comfortable with it."
Rainbow shifted her weight and ruffled her wings. "Uh, yeah..." she said hastily. She hopped back up, then grabbed two towels and walked back over to Twilight. She coaxed Twilight up, then helped her step out of the shower. Twilight wobbled, despite only taking a couple of steps before sitting down on her haunches. Rainbow quickly unfolded one towel and started drying off Twilight's body thoroughly. She carefully avoided Twilight's injured side. Twilight halfway stood up for Rainbow to dry her tail, then after Rainbow finished, she put the towel down on the floor for Twilight to sit on.
They'll probably eventually be comfortable with it. Although I suppose it's a bit strange that they aren't more comfortable with it by now because Rainbow's probably helped twilight bathe a lot. Oh well, they're still getting used to things.
Or maybe the difference between this chapter and Radiant isn't that big of a deal because it is sort of explained...
I've been working on this commentary for two hours and I have a headache.
"Coalescing at my side?" Twilight asked idly. "Well, my magic had been coalescing where my horn had been, and nothing's happened." She looked down at the bed. "It... it's still torturous. My magic feels stronger than before I lost my horn. I'm not sure if it actually is or if it's just because I haven't used my magic for... for so long..." she trailed off and her body heaved with one single dejected sob. "And... I'm going to be like this for years... decades... maybe even centuries... if I live that long..."
Canonically, Twilight's magic is stronger than before. In another of my stories, Twilight almost died, so her magic flared and her magic strengthened. In this story, it's basically her body's response to the damage she's taken, so the stress is encouraging her magic to become stronger. As an example, it's sort of like exercising building muscle, but she's not really having to put effort into it, so it's a bad example. Her body is responding to a vulnerability in one area by compensating in another area, and also preparing for... something.
Also, this is important.
Twilight stared at Luna. The alicorn had cuts all over her chest and neck, and a few on her muzzle. There were a few tufts of fur missing from her body, but they were few and far between, and they were starting to grow back. Her wings were folded neatly at her side, but a few feathers looked to be missing, and some were disarrayed. However, even in the state she was in, she still stood regally, although she was calm and somber. She wore a small, strained smile, and her eyes were filled with concern.
Princess Celestia sat on her haunches beside Luna at the left side of Twilight's hospital bed. She wore a bright, joyful smile, and a few tears were noticeable in the corners of her eyes. They were both tears of joy and tears of pain. She was visibly relieved that Twilight was back, but her coat still looked dull and lackluster. Her gaze had glanced at the white bandage covering Twilight's side more than once. Twilight, for her part, tried to ignore it every time.
The contrast between the two sisters... the warrior/guardian princess and the mother figure...
Even as Luna continued speaking, Twilight didn't really listen. She heard it, but she didn't commit anything except for the important bits to memory. "...used the Mirror Pool to create copies of her most loyal drones. Discord has since volunteered to... dispose of the pool. As for the copies, King Thorax will decide what to do with them. He hasn't had time to get around to it yet. He is going to assimilate the hive into his own and abandon the network of tunnels, taking all of the drones and eggs back with him. Not all of them were so Loyal to Chrysalis. A lot of the ones who weren't copies were only loyal out of fear. Even some of the copies were only loyal because they were afraid of what Chrysalis would do to them, since they were disposable," Luna explained leisurely.
Does this explain things? Does this feel forced or like I pulled it out of thin air?
Luna shifted her weight and pursed her lips. "She... will no longer be a threat to anypony..." she said tentatively. She slowly leaned to the left, away from Celestia and Shining Armor. She looked away from Twilight and stared ahead at the wall. "Let us simply say that... she has been dealt with..." she added. Her eyes narrowed. "Permanently," she said a bit more forcefully.
I could probably say a lot here... It probably doesn't need to be said, but Chrysalis is dead. Luna made sure of that. After all, Chrysalis hurt Twilight, and Luna ensured that Twilight would remain safe from her... permanently.
Celestia sat up straighter and took a deep breath. "Your friends are waiting for us to finish. After that, they will come in to see you..." she said. Twilight glanced at her and looked at her quizzically. "I... believe we are done here, Twilight... if you need anything, please... don't hesitate to ask. We will be more than happy to help you with anything you need, or if you just want somepony to talk to... I will always make time for you, Twilight," she said softly, smiling gently.
Oh, Celestia, you're so sweet, and for some reason, I've teared up at this. It's just touching, I guess.
Luna nodded in agreement. "You are family, Twilight," she added in a gentle, soft voice, smiling a warm, optimistic smile.
I thoroughly enjoy this take on Twilight, Celestia, and Luna's relationship. Cadance is included but less important simply because she's not a main character.
The rest of their friends show up... but in all honesty they really don't play much of a role in this series.
"It'll be okay, Dashie..." Pinkie said softly. She swallowed and licked her lips. "It's just going to take time, that's all... Twilight will be better and back to normal soon."
Probably because it's been over half a year since I intended to get Radiant out, but I feel rather condemened and slighted and apprehensive because of what Pinkie has said. I find that slightly odd..
I feel like I need to work on better transitions. My transitions feel jagged. They're rough, not smooth.
Doctor Manner took the bandage in his magic, then gradually unwrapped it. He carefully removed each layer and bunched it up. Once he removed the final layer, he levitated the gauze off and stepped around to scrutinize Twilight's side. Twilight pointedly looked away from her injured side. Doctor Manner gently placed his forehoof on Twilight's side just above the gash and he squinted. The edges of the wound had already healed, with soft pink skin covering the outsides, while the deeper portion was still reddened and looked sore. Her coat had yet to regrow, but it was progress. "You're healing quicker than I expected," he commented optimistically. "I don't think you'll need a bandage for more than a week at this rate..." he mused.
I don't think I conveyed this quite right, and I don't remember exactly what I meant. She's not healed by a long shot, but she's making visible progress at healing compared to what a normal pony would undergo.
Doctor Manner looked between the two of them for several seconds, grimacing."Well... I'll go ahead and get you checked out and I'll be back with a wheelchair for you." Twilight absently nodded. Doctor Manner waited for a moment, then turned and walked to the door, leaving the two mares alone.
He's not too stubborn of a doctor for letting her go so easy after she's lost a limb... That seems a bit questionable from a medical perspective, but then again, Twi's an alicorn and she's relatively close by, and doing relatively okay.
I don't seem to have much more to say here... I'm surprised I don't have much more to say, but maybe it's because I have a headache and I've been working on this for a while now...
"Twilight, I promise that I won't ever leave you," Rainbow replied gently. She reaffirmed her grip on Twilight, making sure that nothing was in between them, and holding Twilight's body against hers. "I don't care how bad things are, I'm not gonna leave you, Twi. I wouldn't leave you for the world."
That's one promise that'll never get broken...
That's Chapter 8. Critical Mass Author's Commentary finished! I think I ended this commentary perfectly. Sadly, I have a headache and I'm tired, otherwise this commentary probably would have been better...
It feels good to have this done in preparation for Radiant, which is, once again, just over a week away!
Comment below! Ask questions! I'll be happy to answer!
My personal head canon is that their bodies immune system can always deal with mutated cells. Our bodies almost always can too, but almost always isn’t always, and that’s when you get cancer.
Probably not since ponies are probably mammals (probably, since we are never explicitly told they are) and if you’re a mammal you can’t be a bird since they are mutually exclusive.
Also, I love scootertrix the abridged. It’s such a great series. My favourite episode is the one where the generals are trying to win the war while also preparing for their maths test. Episode 18 I think it was off the top of my head.
You and me both brother
Feels totally justified, in the episode twilight just blocked it off and didn’t destroy it. whether it was because the pool couldn’t be destroyed through normal means, or maybe she just didn’t think about the consequences, we don’t really know. And if literally every drone could be replaced with ease then of course they would fear for their lives and listen to everything chrysalis says.
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Fun fact: DNA Polymerase makes about 1 mistake in 100,000 base pairs when replicating DNA, but it can also double check its work so that it's only 1 mistake in 1,000,000 base pairs. But this can still add up, since human DNA has over 3,000,000 base pairs. However, DNA has some redundancy in it, as some codons code for the same amino acid, and the body has some capability to prevent mutated cells from going into mitosis, but the risk of cancer increases with age as there is more exposure to mutagens and overall more DNA replication having a chance for accumulated errors. There's actually two things that must happen for a cell to become cancerous: One, the protein that controls the cell cycle needs to be deactivated or modified so that there are no breaks, so that the cell cycle continues uncontrollably, and then there's a mutation that deactivates an enzyme that signals programmed cell death.
I wonder how many chromosomes ponies have, and I wonder if alicorns have more chromosomes than normal ponies...
"It's pronounced. The Bird." It's been a while since I've watched it, but yeah I love that series! It's great. And that episode was funny too.
Can't wait to read Radiant
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5 days and 15 minutes until the planned release of Radiant! (It may come out earlier or later because I plan to queue it up for publishing at 10 before the hour.