Well, it got rejected

My attempt at putting a story on Equestria Daily was rejected. I wasn't expecting much more than that, so it doesn't bother me that much. For those of you interested, it was this fic, Wings on The Horizon.

And to those interested in why it was rejected, you can read it right here:

The Nameless Knight:

     Thank you for submitting "Wings on the Horizon" to Equestria Daily, but I'm sending the story back to you for possible revision.  First of all, I can't understand why the whole story's in italics and why it has that black bar down the side.  If you want to make it appear to be something the nameless narrator has written, it would be helpful to have him mention that he's writing it either at the beginning or at the end before he takes his final walk to the beach.

     Secondly, we get no indication that Fluttershy's getting older along with the narrator until five years after she last appeared.  I find it hard to believe that a self described "bitter old man" wouldn't notice the signs of her aging.  Even if he tried to tell himself that he was imagining it, he doesn't seem to me to be the kind of character who would be able to lie to himself about this since it would be another example of the inevitable decay he sees everywhere.  I also think you miss a bet by not having him recount his last meeting with Fluttershy in some detail after he realizes it was the last time.  Also, would Fluttershy try to tell him it might be the last time?  It seems odd that she wouldn't at least attempt to prepare him in some way after she's done whatever it is she's done to get through to him every year for five decades.

     The story also has a few odd uses of the semi-colon--the general rule is that a semi-colon separates two complete sentences--and a few phrases that sound odd in English--"a bleak yellow summer’s dress", for instance, since "bleak" is something yellow summer dresses as a rule aren't.  I wondered how they knew that the narrator's father was killed specifically "by a German officer in battle."  Couldn't it have been an enlisted soldier?  "Due to my concentration of finding whoever it was that I had heard" should be something like "Due to my concentrating on finding whoever it was that I had heard".  And if he's just gotten his head above water, how does he reach the ground in order to crawl back to shore?  The water would need to be very shallow for that to happen.

     So if you'd like to give the story another look and resubmit it, feel free.

Comments

[Halira]

Better response than I have ever gotten, they actually gave you ways of getting it posted.