Turnabout Storm - Parts 24 and 25 updated · 6:15pm May 4th, 2018
Parts 24 and 25 have been revamped, and this includes some major changes to Part 24 - Double Blackmail, the second meeting of Phoenix with Sonata where he breaks her psyche-locks.
If you think about it, it really doesn't make sense that Phoenix wouldn't immediately suspect Sonata after she didn't report his earlier break-in and he then gets attacked by unknown assailant who steals his evidence, most of which came from her room. He'd put those two facts together immediately to guess that Sonata was behind it, and likely go to confront her on that basis. But if he does, that screws up the whole plot going forward.
So in order to plug that plot hole without affecting the rest of the story, Sonata has to somehow evade his suspicion immediately, and that means she has to somehow (and unknowingly) spoof his Magatama. I came up with a way that she can accomplish all that, and I give a clue how in the opening few paragraphs of Part 24:
Hay and Stay Hotel
June 10th, 5:25PMFive minutes after leaving the library, Phoenix arrived at the Hay and Stay Hotel and asked the surprised earth pony mare at the front desk if Sonata was still staying there.
Told she was, he immediately walked to Sonata’s room, leaving instructions to call the police if he didn’t return within fifteen minutes. Pausing at Sonata’s door to smooth out his suit again—he was dreading taking it back to Rarity in the shape it was after the attack—he knocked on the door, waiting for Sonata to answer it.
It didn’t take long. “Yes?” she said as she opened the door with a flare of her horn. Her mouth fell open and eyes widened as she recognized Phoenix, looking speechless for a moment.
“Hello, Sonata.” Phoenix greeted the grey unicorn over crossed arms with a slight smirk on his face. “Surprised to see me?”
“What do you want?” Sonata recovered quickly, her horn flaring again briefly to no visible effect except she closed her eyes and opened them again before looking him over from head to toe. “And why do you look like something the cat dragged in?”
“Another pony ambushed me in the forest to steal my evidence,” he told her point-blank, noting she looked genuinely perturbed at his state. “Know anything about that?” he asked mildly, palming his Magatama in expectation of it revealing a lie.
“No. Why would I?” she asked him blandly but in perfect honesty, and to Phoenix’s great surprise, no locks and chains appeared around her, indicating she wasn’t hiding anything. “What are you doing here, Mister Wright?”
She’s telling the truth? So she DIDN’T send that pony after me? Phoenix was very surprised, having been all but certain she had and considering her a new suspect in Ace’s murder for it. He found no other explanation as for why she hadn’t reported his illegal break-in earlier but that he’d found something she didn’t want the police to see among the evidence he’d collected, and that she’d enlisted a confederate to prevent its exposure. “I just want to talk… that’s all,” Phoenix said, ducking his head under her door to step inside, immediately changing tactics to not be too confrontational. Hell, I was even half-thinking she gave me those pills to affect my judgment, making me more likely to go into the forest alone... but that’s all out the window now. If she didn’t do it, I’ll need her help to find out who did…
and later:
“Is there a problem, Mister Wright?” Sonata asked, raising an eyeridge at him but otherwise sounding perfectly calm. “I gave you your admission, for all the good it does you.”
“For all the good it does me?” Phoenix mimed her tone, and then drew himself up straighter, pointing an accusing finger at her. “I found you out! You were blackmailing my client! That’s a crime, Ms. ‘Cold, Hard, Swift Justice’!” Phoenix flared up. “This not only implicates you in an extortion scheme, it gives you a potential motive for murder if you wanted out but Ace wouldn’t let you!” he accused despite the Magatama indicating her innocence of possible involvement in the attack on him earlier.
Once again, Sonata didn’t blink. “Me, and every other pony Ace and I ever blackmailed, including your client, Phoenix Wright,” she stated with certainty, catching him short. “There were no shortage of racers who hated him for it, though few to none of them knew I was actually the mastermind behind it.”
“Then maybe you had him killed to keep that secret?” he suggested, watching her reaction carefully. But again, no psyche-locks appeared as Sonata rolled her eyes.
“Oh, please, Mister Wright. If I wanted to kill Ace, I would hardly have been so sloppy about it. I wouldn’t have left direct evidence like that blackmail letter behind that might indicate a motive or provide possible proof we were running an extortion racket. I wouldn’t have left a list with a time on it to indicate I knew where he was going to be. And I wouldn’t have done the deed myself; I would have simply let slip the meeting time and location to one of the more volatile or easily blackmailed racers, having them do the job for me… like your client.” She closed her eyes and smiled unpleasantly, causing Phoenix’s accusing look to falter as everything she said rang true. “But allow me to put your mind at ease, Mister Wright—this is all but idle speculation. I didn’t want Ace dead, and I didn’t set your client or any of the other racers on him.”
Note her careful wording and that everything she says here is, in fact, perfectly true, thus not triggering the Magatama. She hoodwinks Phoenix here, who is so fixated on the idea of premediated murder that he doesn't look outside the box and between the lines of what she's saying, ending up discounting her as a possible suspect. As for how she fooled the Magatama at the start, I'm not saying for now except that the answer will also factor into a second plot hole/point of contention I myself introduced in later chapters--why magical memory playbacks are not admissible as evidence in Equestrian courts.
You're invited to check out the entire revamped chapter to see more of the back-and-forth between the two, and how she very carefully deflects his attention and suspicion. If she's the pony version of Mia, she's smart enough to do this.
As for Part 25 - End of the Day, you may recall this is the first chapter where some real shipping occurs as Phoenix finally recognizes he somehow has feelings for Twilight and starts to consider where it's coming from. It's hopefully a bit more gradual and a bit less shoehorned this go around given the edits to earlier chapters, but this remains the first point at which he acknowledges there's something there. Changes here were not major, mostly cleanup and rewording and a few additional lines from Spike. But please do check it out as well.
I'm not really too enthused by you deciding to "revamp" chapters of a story you didn't even write. Regios didn't hand it over to you so you could treat it like was actually yours all along.