Critical Mass Sequel Update #2 (And a short Preview) · 10:43pm Mar 1st, 2018
To whom it may concern, an update for the progress on the sequel to Critical Mass (and Reaction) below. Additionally, there's a short preview if you'd like to read it. (It is spoilered, so you don't have to worry about it being spoiled unless you want to actually see it.)
I'm going to outright say I'm struggling with this.
My problem is my presentation of Twilight. Given what she's been through, she should have some serious post-traumatic stress disorder. She should be a mess, and I have, so far as what I have written, not really shown her being a mess. This is really bothering me.
I picture it to where she should be really quiet and distant because of what has happened. She should be tense and not really happy. And yet, that's not really what I've written so far.
I suppose, at this point, I should say that the first chapter is about halfway done.
So, problem 1: Twilight is presented as being too okay when she should not really be okay at all. I suppose the argument can be made that enough time has passed that she's not as traumatized as she was immediately following it, but still. She should be broken pretty much completely, or at least a lot more than what she's been shown to be so far. In my effort to make the story happier, she's not been shown as such.
I suppose I have options for this. I could have her, when she walks into the bedroom, more or less just completely shut down now that she'd be alone with Rainbow. It could show the rest of how she has acted as sort of being a facade or just putting on a brave face. But at the same time, she is meant to be getting better. She kind of just needs to have a scene where she cries about it all.
I also want/need to show her being really clingy towards Rainbow as a result of what happened. It makes logical sense, plus it fits pretty much perfectly with this series.
An additional idea for showing this and her overcoming would be to have Rainbow have to go get something when her and Twilight are out at night/evening when its dark. This would be perfect, were it not for how clingy Twilight's supposed to be. I can't figure out how I'd make this work- Rainbow knows not to leave Twilight along because of how she is after getting rescued (clingy, afraid to be alone), and yet it'd probably have to be her offering to go get something (cotton candy, perhaps?) for her to make her feel better. I just can't figure out how I'd make that work, but if I can get it to work, I think I can solve Twilight's issue of feeling useless or inadequate... I'd say more, but... ah, spoilers...
(To elaborate further on the above issue, I want to show Twilight being more or less terrified of not being with Rainbow now, and so this breaks down when I want to weave in this idea which would really help her to start getting better. In addition, leaving Twilight alone at night when they're outside? Honestly, that seems like it'd be incredibly forced and out of character for Rainbow in this series, especially given what happened at the end of Critical Mass. Is this what it feels like to have written oneself into a corner?)
So I suppose I have a couple of ideas on how to fix this problem, but still.
Problem number 2: I'm not sure I'm writing this story correctly. Given the context of how I have written this series, I may not be writing this story in the same style, which could hurt it. I'm writing it a bit differently (or at least I think I am writing it differently) because it's meant to be shorter and perhaps... more poetic, so to say. In addition to this, I have realized that I don't go into a lot of detail when I talk about/describe characters in my stories (you should all know what the characters look like, since you are here reading My Little Pony fanfiction...) but I feel like I need to do this for some reason. Perhaps it's because I want to make Radiant more accessible so I won't completely turn off everyone who hasn't read Reaction/Critical Mass/ Meltdown (I want it to be easier to get into and I don't want to make people who don't want to read 300k ish words go away because of the length). I am rambling right now. To the point: I've probably gone overboard with describing the characters, which is quite different from my normal writing style (even in this series) so it may feel out of point.
Possible spoilers/ This is what I've written so far. This is an example of the description which I've woven into the story. Maybe it makes it a lot better, but I'm worried about it, I guess.
"Twilight, Rainbow," Celestia greeted calmly. A pleasant, welcoming smile laid across her lips as she looked at the pair with a thoughtful, caring look. Her soft, vibrant pink eyes were filled with warmth, yet it was subdued and calm. She was sitting down on her haunches, yet still taller than everypony else in the room. Her multicolored mane was made up of three light colors: pink, green, and blue, and it gentle billowed in a nonexistent ethereal breeze, spurred on by her magic. She held one foreleg to her chest, cradling a small, fluffy pink ball. The baby alicorn she cradled stood out against her pristine white coat.
Twilight's eyes abandoned Celestia's visage and took in Flurry. The alicorn slept peacefully in Celestia's motherly embrace.
Shining Armor looked away from Celestia and beamed as his sister walked into the room beside Rainbow. The tall stallion had a white coat, similar to Celestia's, yet not quite as pristine. While Celestia's coat seemed to sparkle, Shining's coat looked dull in comparison. His mane and tail made up for it, however. It was a beautiful shade of blue accented with a sharp teal highlight and a darker blue streak. "Twilight!" he called out. He jumped out of his chair and headed towards his sister.
On one hand, I really like this. On the other hand, I'm on edge about it since this isn't really similar to what I remember writing in the past.
So yes, I am, in theory, making progress on this story. Unless of course I decide to scrap this chapter in favor of a more traditional style for this story, in which case that'd be a major setback and the story would be much more solemn and sad. But that's another problem which ties back into Twilight's presentation.
I want this story to be happy, end happily, have Twilight getting better, etc, yet she's been through so much it should emotionally/psychologically scar her for life.
All in all, I'm still pleased with how it's going and I have a lot I want to include in it. Perhaps a few scenes which show Twilight when she's vulnerable or defenseless is really all the story needs to make it perfect... would that balance out with her supposedly appearing to be okay?
And no, I don't have any idea when it'll come out. I still don't have a description for the story... so I may end up waiting until the story is finished to publish it. I'm not sure if I will, however. I find it hard to stay motivated in those circumstances (case in point, my secret projects).
Conservatively, it'll be 3 weeks before I finish Chapter 1 in Radiant. Liberally (although still rather conservative), 2 weeks before I finish it. Of course, this is subject to change. For all I know, tomorrow I will end up finishing the chapter, but it seems unlikely. (This translates into 2-3 weeks, minimum, until the story would come out.)
And lastly, I really want to talk about this story and all I'd love to include in it. I am really hoping this turns out better than Critical Mass. I think I did a good job, for the most part, with that story, but I feel like it was kind of a turn off because of the darker themes present in it.
Comment below. If you have any suggestions, please say so. If you have feedback on the spoilered description/preview, please share it. Having insight from other people, especially the people who read it the first time through and experience it so differently from me, the author, is invaluable.
Looking forward to reading it :-) As for the first problem maybe a nightmare while Luna is busy or thinks that Twilight recovered enough not to be under constant "drram surveillance" so to speak?
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That's a good idea I can look into. I might need to rewrite a bit in order to work that into the story, though...
Thank you for the comment! I'm hoping to work on the story more tomorrow...