Actually, I'm Dead: First Full Review by An-Twan Star

Okay, first of all, give the man a follow if you enjoy this. Seriously, An-Twan Star may not be one of the site's celebrities, but he does have three very well written stories under his pen.

And don't miss my own reply to this (link here). Because I can't shut the f up when it comes to talking about writing, and because it does bring a good share of points I would like to address.

Now, our first review on the story since it reached its end. Ladies, gentlemen, boy and girls, and that technicolor rainbow in between, here is An-Twan Star's review of Actually, I'm Dead.

Alright, it has been a long time since I've reviewed a story, (about a year or so), so I'll do my best to keep this from getting too disjointed.

I vaguely remember reading the original, but since it was standalone, I probably didn't think much else apart from it being an interesting concept, and quickly forgot about it. Ever since, this was one of those stories that I kinda knew about, mostly because Night worked with you on it, but never had the urge to read. Then some time ago I was looking through his blogs, and when I saw the post about this being completed – and how in-depth it was – I gave it a go.

First impressions were that this story was very well written. I had no problems with any dialogue or transitions, and apart from a few spelling errors, I was able to get easily immersed in Trixie's inner turmoil. I also felt that it flowed quickly but still retained a strong sense of detail. The early chapters may have been sub 2000 words, but they felt a fair bit longer than that.

The early reactions to Trixie from the main 6 were what I expected. Well, apart from Rainbow Dash, but I knew what her game was the moment she started talking. Applejack's aversion to having a walking corpse anywhere near her farm and her sister was probably the most logical reaction, considering the circumstance. It was nice to have that little dinner scene after AJ had a chance to cool off and think more rationally, for added context. And of course Rarity would make her a new outfit. Villain or no, everyone in town has to look flashy. Twilight was third wheel to most of this, patiently allowing Trixie to forge new relationships on her own and only stepping in for support when necessary. I was starting to get a pretty strong "Edward Scissorhands" vibe at this point.

Going into chapter 6 part 4, I thought I was going to see a stereotypical Flutterrage moment, the classic trope of the quiet character being pushed too far. But instead of what I expected, I was thrown the first – of many – curveballs. Fluttershy's mounting tension and anxiety was very accurate, seeing as I suffer from it now and then. Ultimately having it be Trixie who hurts herself in the end after seeing the outcome of her actions wasn't what I was expecting, but it was much more personal for the protagonist that way. I also really dig nonlinear narratives in stories. (In moderation of course.)

Pinkie's party was also a shining example of taking a mostly comic relief character and giving them actual smarts. The fact that she called everypony over an hour early to explain Trixie's condition, and that she kept the gathering low-key shows that she is a dynamic character who can think on her hooves and learn from her past mistakes. (I'm vouching for you here, Gilda.) The impromptu magic show was cool and I loved the idea of it conducted without horn-based effects, just good old sleight-of-hoof and misdirection.

Wow, this is getting long! On to the second act!

Chapters 7 through 9 to me were where we started to discover the long-term effects of Trixie's condition, and her begrudging acceptance of these facts. It was also where the story really starts to take off for me, and where I started to see that there would be no fairy-tale ending; no magical cure found in an old grimoire or other plot-delivery vehicle. Trixie was in it for the long haul, and the others were all riding shotgun. Speaking of rides, my favorite line delivery was – quite literally – Trixie’s famous last words.

"Is that a tornado?"

The funeral definitely threw me for a loop. I thought I had skipped a chapter or two by accident but that wasn't the case. I mean, I knew Trixie would be severely damaged from the tornado, but I really didn't really expect her death. As for that death, It was nice to see most of the folks mentioned by Trixie only in passing before showing up to give their respects. I especially loved the griffon friend – Gisela – and hopefully we’ll see more of her in the future.

Then we have The Bone Mare. First off, I love the kinds of scenes that go behind the curtains and reveal some inner machination of the world, especially if it’s some obscure place and the protagonist only learns about it from being there themselves, even if said area and said Bone Mare were known of beforehand. The Bone Mare's humorous but sage take on death contrasts nicely with the overall gravity of the situation, and I'm glad you didn't just make her into an evil or demon like character to be feared. I'm also glad that you didn't turn the fact that she was Trixie's long lost mother into the focal point of the rest of the story,

Onto the first, and most likely, only gripe I have with this. Celestia at least knew enough about the amulet to know that leaving it attached was a bad idea. It was locked away with seven wards to keep prying hooves away, but nothing to keep it from leaving of its own volition? Even if it was drained back into a dormant state, I think Celly would have still been cautious enough to cast a few inwards containment spells. Advancing the plot can take a toll, but It was a price I was more than willing to pay to see Trix up and rocking again.

Back to the awesome. The revival of Trixie was a pretty cool scene, even if it was pulled from another source, and it was also nice to see an outsider perspective of the beast (Berry Punch) interspersed with little snippets of its own fears and insecurities – heightened by the amulet, no doubt.

Luna’s knife fight in a phone booth took two powerful magic users, locked them into a small space, and somehow produced an action packed and entertaining brawl. The transitions of luna from big game hunter to defensive fighter to “I’m gonna get shit done” felt well thought out and kept up the pace. Her shield tactics and use of a concussive blast were also great. I can’t get the thought of an Alicorn with a nosebleed out of my head.

The relationship between Rainbow Dash and Trixie was a tough one. Not because it’s bad or anything, but because three paragraphs or so into the subject wouldn’t be appropriate for an overall review. What I will say is that I like the fact that not only did their friendship come full circle, but that it was an unexpected one as well. Trixie busting RD’s balls in much the same way as Dash did to her in the beginning was great to see.

The bar scene between was a great beginning to Lightning Dust’s redemption, even if the whole “see who you really are” cliche has been used time and time again. What’s important is that it didn’t feel cliche when I read it, it felt very natural. Trixie’s pseudo exercise of control over the Amulet’s power, and the fact that was pretty much left up in the air as to whether it was Trixie’s conscience or the retainers that stopped her, was really cool, even though it left me with a sense of melancholy. More on this later.

Now for the final stretch, and like many other endgames I’ve seen before, it has a prequel of sorts to wrap up loose ends. But unlike those, this also showcased some journeys that that were just beginning as well. Lightning made up with Dash and Ruby made her first wine. I’d drink to that; can’t say the same for Twilight’s horn, though.

Seeing classic, pre-reformation Discord has always been a weakness of mine, and your take on the matter was no exception. The carnival of madness approach was a bit more elaborate than what has been shown in canon, but It definitely fits the bill here. A general motif of this story (at least in my mind) Is the tables getting turned, and Trixie becoming the hapless volunteer with Discord taking the act really cemented home this theme. Also, was that a Gravity Falls reference with the compass?

The divination reading the following morning was a great way to recap the events of the story and Trixie’s life thus far without delving too deep into narration, and the moment between Spike and Lightning added some nice levity before the storm. Also interesting to see Lightning’s take on her new friend. One thought that did enter my mind when I read that they would be picked up by chariot was that of a rather dicey takeoff, in which Trixie’s extra mass made it so they made it up with only inches between them and the trees. Maybe I could use that in one of my works, hmm…

Then we get to the part where Trixie is blocking the amulet’s power. At first I thought neat, but after everything was said and done, I felt a little sad. If Trixie had just a little more time on her hooves, she may have been able to master the dark forces. Eventually it would have probably surfaced, though, and I don’t think Trixie would have taken such a gamble anyway – especially if it could harm her friends.

And finally, finally the amulet gets some backstory and elaboration. It also gets a bit of a speaking role as well. The fact that it is the purveyor of darkness makes me wonder if it possibly had a role in corrupting Luna, or possibly Sombra for that matter. And then we get one of the greatest movie references I’ve seen in a fanfiction, and who better to deliver it than a draconequus channeling his inner Ghostbuster. All the other references were just as good, but there is just something special when it comes from Discord.

And then we see the new hero emerge in the form of Lightning Dust. Before I go into this I want to say that Lightning’s redemption, if you will, felt like it happened a little quickly. Four chapters earlier and she was nasty old Lightning Dust. Of course, this isn’t her story, but I felt that a little exposition between her and Rainbow would have slowed that roll a bit. Beyond that, the scene between Light and Amulet took one of my absolute least favorite cliches and gave it a good ol’ kick in the teeth.

Usually in the movies or comics, after the hero of the story goes through all the obstacles and gets to the final showdown with the villain, the villain is rather defensive. If some new hero had just gone to town on your government/institution/syndicate and your reign of terror was basically over, you would be a little rattled. And either before the climactic battle – or during – the villain makes the old “Join me and we can rule together” deal.

What you did instead of the same old same old was to basically flip the script. Instead of the defensive villain and triumphant hero, we got a fresh Amulet and a pegasus who was in very deep. It didn’t try cutting its deal out of any kind of desperation, but rather as a way to try and use Dust as a vehicle for its darkness. I could also touch base on that little bit after the offer was rejected, but I think these two lines sum it up just right.

Lightning Dust’s eyes went somewhere cold, somewhere beyond the pain. With her last bit of willpower. She faced death like a warrior of old and stared it down with defiance.

It didn’t even have the good graces to look like it cared.

And just like that… we reach the end. It certainly wasn’t the ideal outcome – nor the one that I expected – but reminds me of that little bit at the end of Alan Wake about how the scales need to balance and that everything has a price. The final pose that Trixie and Discord wound up in added a nice bit of black humor to a somewhat somber ending. But what a journey! This certainly wasn’t the longest story I’ve read, but there were so many twists and turns, so much development that made it feel much bigger. I suppose it’s a bit like Fellowship of the Ring in that regard; it may have only been the first movie, but it felt like those hobbits had been on the road for years!

All I really have left to say is that this story did many things for me, and it did many of those things right. There were quite a few classic cliches and tropes, but those were usually spun in new and creative ways, or lacking that, they were written so well that they didn’t bug me too much. It also drew me out of my comfort zone, seeing as I almost never go out of my way for anything related to horror or tragedy, barring this and the aforementioned Alan Wake of course.

I think that concludes my thoughts; I thought this would be short, but it turns out that there was a lot I wanted to cover. This was a great read, and I can’t wait for the sequel, where I can be a bit more proactive on the commentary front.

ATS

Comments

[Magenta Cat]

4474049
Thanks, mate.