The Ramblings of a Spirited Individual, Entry 3 · 5:12am Feb 14th, 2017
Am I really a good person? I don't... I don't know.
Everyone keeps telling me I am, but I don't know.
I try and yet I feel like there are parts of me... sides of me that rise up from time to time. Making me be a different person. Making me be a bad person.
But I don't know if I'm being a bad person or if I just think I'm being a bad person... Nobody's blaming me for anything but I.. I feel like they should.. I don't know why exactly but... I just...
I don't know...
What makes a good person? How far is Heaven? Am I someone that deserves good things or am I someone that deserves to have horrible things happen?
I try sometimes, I really do but... I... I don't know...
sighs This feeling comes and goes... It's okay. I'll be fine again.
But I'll feel like this again, too.
Honestly I'm usually a happy person.
I can relate to a lot of this. I do feel like a terrible person often, but mostly I feel worthless. Just this morning, a memory abruptly popped into my head that I literally haven't thought about in years. In PE one day in 8th grade, my lack of athletic skills cost my team some game we were playing (don't exactly remember what). One of the other boys was so angry he elbowed me hard in the stomach. I've felt down the entire day. Why does a memory from 8th grade bother and haunt me so much? I don't know. I feel like I just screw everything up. That I'm useless.
Like you said, the feelings come and go... but I sure do hate it when they come...
4421367
nods I'm constantly remembering failures and other things that I've caused... I do try to make up for them, but it's never enough, is it?
4421799 Nope.