An explanation, and an apology. · 8:30am Jul 26th, 2017
Hey, there. It's nice to see you guys again.
I owe you all an apology for just up and leaving... what, almost two months ago? Yeah. Things happened, and I just... I couldn't do this for a while. Couldn't be here. I'm sorry for leaving without an explanation, so here it is now.
It was two months ago, a few days before I made the post that I was leaving. I was out with my grandparents learning to drive, we'd stopped at Dairy Queen for a bit of a break and celebration. Well, my girlfriend texted me, asked if I could call her. I excused myself, went outside, and called.
And then, over the phone, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd fallen in love with her classmate in college, and no longer loved me, he was a much better match for her. I.. Even I admit it, he is.. much better than I am in just about every way. I can't top him in anything that matters, and even if I could, she just doesn't love me at all anymore.
We were together for five years, and when she left me, we were signed up for an apartment together in one month. We still got it, but now I have until November to find a new place before I'm legally kicked out. She's gone until later September, home with family in another state, which was planned anyway.
I'm... Very much alone. My ex... A tough word I never thought I'd say... and I are still trying to be friends. But... She was never alone. There was me, then there was her new boyfriend. I don't have that blessing... I'm at the hardest point I've ever been at in my life, and I'm alone save for a few friends. And it's not that I'm not grateful for that, honestly it's them that are keeping me going, but... It just seems utterly wrong, that she had someone to immediately love her and be loved, and I'm just... not loved.
Five years is a long time. We helped each other so much, grew together into something beautiful. She became a lot more self-confident and outgoing than she used to be, she's become a very strong person. But... The split changed me. My depression has been getting a lot worse than it's ever been before. I'm afraid and yet desperate for love. I dunno if I can trust someone like that again... And yet, I need to.
I'm broken in a way I've never been before, and I don't know what to do. I get advice to be strong, to make new friends and meet a new person to fall in love with, but I'm a stranger in a strange land. I'm in a completely new city, I didn't even get a job until just a few days ago, I have nowhere to meet anyone new... Ah, I'm rambling.
I'm not sure if I'll be writing anything anytime soon. I let my Patreon supporter know so that I wouldn't be getting something I didn't deserve. I'll try to do some things soon, but no promises. I'm working towards being better, but...
Anyway. Signing off for now,
Spirit
P.S.
I am not in any way blaming my ex for anything, and I don't want you guys to do that, either. She's not at fault, it was just unfortunate that it happened. Please, don't blame her, she doesn't need that, and I'm not wishing that on her.
Sorry to hear about all this, man. You don't have anything to apologize for. Take your time in healing.
I am sorry to hear that you have been going through a difficult time. Just take it easy and give yourself time to heal. I will be sending good vibes and prayer your way. I am always here if you need someone to talk to. Feel free to send me a message any time. Many hugs and snuggles to you.
4613066
Thank you, really. I see you've been busy while I was gone, glad you found your muse. I'll catch up soon.
4613248
Thank you, very much. I appreciate the offer, I might take you up on that. Especially the hugs and snuggles, those are very needed right now.
4614214
Well, for one of the stories, my muse was a diabetic woman who ran a stop sign going fifty miles an hour right into me
4614219
You okay, man?
oh jeez
4614223
I'm alive and typing, aren't I? lol Yeah, check my user page for the blog showing a photo of my car. I used another photo for the cover art for my story, "Second Impact".
4614230
I mean, did you walk away, any injuries, hospital, what happened?? I'm worried about ya now
4614235
Don't worry, man. Nobody was hurt. My left arm and leg had some bleeding from when the driver side widow smashed. Had x-rays done on my neck and left knee. Nothing found. I'm all good
4614242
Thank goodness. *hugs* don't do that again.
4614247
Hope I don't. I really liked that red car of mine.
4614215 You are very welcome, my friend. Even more hugs and snuggles to you
Hey there! When I saw that you were dealing with something tough, I wanted to say something to encourage you. But you'd been out for a while. Now I'm late to welcoming you back. I've got to work on my timing.
Anyway, here's a little something.
If you're not Christian, or spiritual in that way at all, please don't think I'm being preachy. I can find a more secular piece if you really want, but I thought this was just the right balance of uplifting tone and inspiring lyrics. Keep your heart open, head in the game, and remember that we might not know you IRL, but we still wish you the best. You can count us as your friends, even from across the great expanses of the internet.
4660243
Oh he's very Christian.