How to tell if you believe in humbug · 11:35pm Jan 16th, 2017

So you have this theory, but you want to see if it is possible and definitely not bullshit. To help you figure that out, just follow these just follow these five simple steps:

Step #1: Make an observation.

Step #2: Ask a question.

Step #3: Form a hypothesis

Step #4: Conduct an experiment.

Step #5: If experiment was successful in proving your hypothesis; your theory is not bullshit. If experiment was unsuccessful, it is bullshit now go back to step 3 and make a new hypothesis.

Here's an example:

The Bermuda Triangle

#1: You notice an usually high amount of ships and planes disappear in the Atlantic near Bermuda.
#2: Why do a lot of ships and aircraft in that particular patch of ocean?
#3: The reason these ships and planes disappear is because of a space-time anomaly in the area.
#4: OOPS space-time anomalies have never been observed in real life and therefore, it is impossible to perform such an experiment because how can you test on something that defies the laws of conventional physics and have never been observed you dumb-ass. Go back to step 3 and don't forget to use Occam's razor next time too.

The Illuminati

#1: You feel like there is a secret organization that controls everything and is extremely powerful.
#2: Does such an organization exist?
#3: The world is being controlled by a secret and all-powerful society.
#4: OOPS you can't perform an experiment like this because there is no evidence confirming that the world is being controlled by one all-powerful secret society, you need credible evidence before you can continue any further, go back to step 3 and form a new hypothesis that you can back with credible evidence. Also, whatever you do, don't look behind you.

Flat Earth

#1: You-

Wait hold up, do I really need to explain to you why this theory is horse shit? Go back to Elementary school where you belong dumb-ass and stop wasting my time.

Holocaust denial

.... are you fucking kidding me? We have evidence for this! It actually did happen, how can people be this ignorant? I dare you say these things to a Holocaust survivor, I fucking dare you, you fucking piece of shit of a human being, if you actually believe that the Holocaust never happened, then you don't deserve kindness or respect, you deserve to mocked and vilified for the horrible piece of smegma that you are you fucking gibbon. Just...just go away and leave, you don't deserve my help, my goodness, I thought I was digging the bottom of the barrel, I never thought I would dig through the bottom and break thru a septic tank overflowing with hippo diarrhea when dealing with you.