Lizardman Reviews #11: Back in Black · 2:07am Nov 5th, 2016
So I had to get a new computer because the guys over at Best Buy couldn't/wouldn't fix my old one. Ah, whatever, s'long as this one doesn't fiz out so soon.
Today's RNG Picks: 1, 3, 5
Twilight Sparkle has always been frustrated with Discord. His ability to do anything, with no more effort than a snap of his claw. It shouldn't be possible. His power had to come from somewhere.
Then, one day, Twilight lets slip how she feels. Surprisingly Discord agrees to explain it to her. To give her the secret to all of his powers. If she's willing to pay the price that knowing it all will bring.
Before reading: Sucks that I didn't get to do a Halloween themed review blog on Halloween, but better late than never. The description's lack of proper formatting and clunky writing leads me to believe the story's going to be just slightly above average both mechanically and creatively. I'm not familiar with this author's work but all the same, I'm excited to see what their headcanon is regarding this topic. If nothing else, I'm sure it'll be wacky and fun with Discord.
While reading: One look at the story and I can tell this is gonna be a chore to read. Why? I'm sure I've mentioned before that I can't stand improperly formatting stories, particularly misuse of indented spaces. That improper formatting in the description extends to the story. Uggghhh.
The whole story is one giant narration by Twilight recounting everything that happened to get her into what apparently constitutes pony hell, or something. I was pretty much right about the story's mechanics being not impressive, but it's definitely readable, although, again, still a chore for people like me.
The main cast and Discord were out on a picnic and Twilight is watching Discord being Discord and being jealous by his constant spitting in the face of physics. Her natural scientific curiosity finally gets the better of her and she asks what up with that shizt?
And, for better or worst (who can tell, really) Discord agrees? Oh Twilight, aside from whatever nefarious torture both mental and physical the author had prepared for you, one should never let the lord of chaos teach you about such a thing.
That way lies madness...
It's at this point that the tone of the narrative takes a darker turn. Tonal shifts are a tricky thing to pull off well in any story, and I can definitely see why the author might've gone for it, considering the story as told in the description, but it's hard to effectively get it across when the whole story is told in first person past tense. First person present tense would've been the preferred option.
Discord brings Twilight to... a place. A place with a thing. A thing that sounds like a dying animal. Worse than that, even.
Discord's actual explanation is pseudo scientific. Chaos promotes life. Order promotes nothingness. It's stuff we've learned about before somewhere or from someone, but having an actual physical embodiment of chaos definitely adds several new, interesting layers to the topic. Especially when said embodiment of chaos can tune your senses to perceive the omnipresence of entropy.
And as we've already established, Twilight doesn't take to the newfound information/transformation particularly well. No one would, really.
What follows is Twilight trying (and failing) to adjust to the change, but resolves to overcome it eventually so she can use her new power to change Equestria for the better.
After reading: This story is actually really, really good. The age old conflict of chaos vs order is given fresh life here, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get inspired after reading it. That said, this story desperately needs an editor. Improper formatting, misspelled words, misused punctuation, not to mention the pacing is rocky in too many areas. I can recommend this to anyone who can put up with the technical issues and focus entirely on the story itself.
Military Wishful Thinking by Scratchpad
When Twilight was younger, she would sometimes be privately tutored when Celestia was occupied. Once a professor attempted to teach Twilight Military Strategy. It didn't go well.
Before reading: Ending Comedy story descriptions with stuff like "Hilarity ensues" or "It didn't go well" is unoriginal. Please stop doing it people.
I don't have much to say about the story itself as usual. I'm sure it'll be mildly amusing, at least.
While reading:
This is military strategy, not 'military wishful thinking'.
Title-dropping your story in said story is also bad. Please don't do it.
Now, you may have some misfiring neuron in your cute little head that is convinced that Celestia Ex Machina events happen on a daily basis,
Heheh
“The professor was teaching me about strategy, in particular what he called a Kobayashi Maru scenario.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow and glanced at the professor. “Star Trot, really Professor?”
“See the crown, see the golden peytral and similarly golden horseshoes? I trust I won’t need to say it again.”
Wow, what a bitchy thing to say.
“A little, your highness? I’ve never heard of such a cockatrice and minotaur story,” Brace Girdle groused.
Racist!
Master Moosashi and I enacted a plan almost identical to Twilight’s during the battle of a Mare-A-Thong nearly a thousand years ago.”
......... OK
Brace Girdle was looking at his princess like she had just told him that the Tooth Flutterpony was real and that she had tea with it every alternate Thursday.
Do horses/ponies lose their teeth like humans do? Sorry, I'm not an equinologist, or whatever.
Twilight looked up from her parchment to see Professor Brace Girdle had disappeared. A pure white flag remained where he once stood.
“I don’t understand. Where did the professor go? And why did he leave behind a white flag?”
So cutely naive! 
A bright red liquid oozed out from under the crumpled desk.
!!!
“What did you do to my floor!?” groaned the janitor with a crowbar.
“Sorry, sorry, marking ink bottle broke, red ink all over everything.” Brace Girdle explained. “Mostly all over me,” he grumbled.
Oh. Whew! *wipes forehead*
The janitor leaned close to the former professor. He sniffed twice- loudly. “That ain’t ink. That’s blood.” He said matter-of-factly.
... Well played author. Well played indeed.
After reading: It's cute, short, and somewhat funny. It's pretty meh all around, but it's got some good jokes in it that I may or may not have spoiled for you. It's got some punctuation issues littered throughout, but on the whole it's a worthwhile read if you like filly Twi and Celestia bonding and have about seven minutes to kill.
Maxilla is an exiled changeling who resides in Baltimare and writes stories for a living. Life’s pretty normal and pony-like for her, until she’s visited by a very unusual fan who just won’t leave her alone.
Before reading: Much like the previous story, I'm thinking this one's gonna be a pretty average story. The fact that it's purely slice of life means it probably won't have much flavor to it, but we'll see. Makes me think of a much more PG rated Misery, kinda.
While reading: So even though this story is a sequel, it's doing a good job of standing on its own without the reader needing to read the original to understand what's going on. There's a changeling. She writes fanfictions for a living (if only we could too *sheds tear*). Nobody knows she's a changeling. She's living a good life and doesn't want it to be ruined.
The writing's good too. Punctuation. Pacing. Grammar and spelling. All pretty solid. This is the first fic this night that I might actually be able to stomach reading.
The plot gets started sooner rather than later, as we see Obsessive McFan Pony is hiding in Maxilla's home, and immediately discovers her secret. And apparently changelings have spiderman powers. Who knew?
The ensuing exchange is pretty funny. Maxilla is a great protagonist, and combined with Top Edge as the adorable, naive little fan colt creates a recipe for hilarity. Not enough to warrant the Comedy tag, but funny nonetheless.
Essentially, this entire fic is one giant character showcase, and you all know my love of such stories by now. It's one of those stories where the two characters start off hating each other, then gradually warm up to each other over the story's course before eventually becoming friends. Nothing original, but it's done very well here, even if there isn't much nuance to it (getting into literary and character creation advice is something, I guess).
After reading: If you like batponies, changelings, them mixed together, long bouts of interesting dialogue, and little bits of humor sprinkled throughout, then this story is right up your alley. Not much else I can say about it, other than I upvoted it.
And with that, another round of Lizardman Reviews comes to a close. Now that I have a new, working computer, I'll be putting out three reviews for each blog once again. Tune in next week!
