Epic Rap Battles of The Fall: Queen Phobia vs Queen Chrysalis · 5:14am Jul 5th, 2016

In a ruined castle, with a fallen wall showing a flat grassland expanse, several figures approached one another. From one side came Queen Chrysalis, naked, chained, but upright. Behind her marched armored caribou, with crystal-tipped wands pressed to her sides. From the other side came Queen Phobia the Fir Darrig, a red-bodied fae with a large, blade-like horn with spiky protrusions surrounding the base, serrated-looking shield-shaped wings, spiny protrusions at her elbows and very apparent fangs. She wore a large, red dress with red-lacquered armor plates on the upper body portion and steel-studded strips of mouflon leather hidden in the folds of the bell. Beside her fluttered six Gremlins, white-bodied fae the size of a Breezie, with diaphanous wings full of holes, and a small horn between two antennae. The two Queens scowled at one another, the Gremlins holding their heads up high as the caribou looked on, faceless and inscrutable, inhuman behind their closed visors.

"Epic Rap Battles of The Fallen Equestria. Lady of Autumn Shadows, grandest of the Fir Darrig, Queen of the Seelie Court Phobia, vs the dethroned Unseelie Queen Chrysalis! Begin!"

Chrysalis
Well what have we here? This vagabond queen
Thinks she knows what it takes to be really mean.
Face it, tsun-tsun, you lack the guts
To face up to a world gone totally nuts.
You're far too prim, smug and prissy
To be a match for the shameless likes of me.
If you want I'll write a formal note to pass
To cordially invite you to kiss my chitinous ass!
Not so high and mighty in the rebellion's dirt.
Give up, ctrag, you're gonna get hurt!

Phobia
I see you confuse passion with pure rage
And know not the poison of brutishness.
Though your minders locked your mind in a cage
Still you have status of a queen, I guess.
Co-equal to me and head of your court,
You used to be powerful but no more.
You grew too obsessed with the petit-mort
And let your intellect fall through the floor.
You had potential but you lost it all
Sacrificed will for the promise of fame.
You let yourself be part of the fall,
Now they use your face and forget your name.
Come at me if you think you can dare to,
If you can stand more hatred thrown at you.

Chrysalis
'Hatred'? Is that what you call that mealy pap?
This ain't a cotillion, bih, it's a battle rap!
Don't give me that sht about status and court,
You only ever had power with pony support.
The ponies don't rule around here any more,
Now you're like all women, a wet-ct whore!
Surrender your body to the caribou;
They'll take care of your worthless mind for you.
We don't need minds and we don't need hearts
Just fylfot runes and the bloodstained arts,
The sinks for worship and all our praise
As they beat and kill for our remaining days.
I don't care how much you hate
But it's a fact your body has an expiration date,
You lose the flush of tight, toned youth
And they'll tell you you're long in the tooth.
And by tell I mean they'll throw you away,
Don't trust tomorrow, love the beating today.
You'll never find the future the rebels seek,
It's blood and death; mercy's for the weak.

Phobia scowled at her Unseelie counterpart, a glow crawl of green fire rising over her form. Her hands ended up with longer, taloned fingers, her fangs grew slightly and her horn took on a sharp edge at the front. As she did her verse the Gremlins with her loudly joined in on the repeated names.

Phobia
What flaming fiend, what Tartarus-born basd
Bashed in your skull and picked out the morsels of your brain?
Crom Cruach! Monster, misery, masturing maniac!
Crom Dubh! Ice eyes, ice soul, ice mind, ice for blood and breath
     Freezing a world of green and peace and full of love and light!
Crom Cruach the bestial brat flailing his arms and crying
     Calling out for all his demands and destroying what does not obey
     Killing the messenger for his own crimes and failings
Crom Dubh stole his power, stole his fake respect and fake command
     Fake as the Stepford silicone smiles on marionette mares!
     Fake as the artificial hate for sweetness, falsity covering fear!
Crom Cruach your Lord and master, your commander, your world
     Yours and yours alone, the avatar of fake men, the idol of fake men
     All imitation men are Crooked Crom, fylfot Crom, your master!
Crom Dubh the Lord of sacrifice, Dark Crom the thief of light and joy
     He owns you body and soul, he owns all you are, all you do
     He owns the corpses of your court, the bodies and blood
     You honor he who burned them alive and trampled the chitin down
Crom Cruach! Importer and sorter of horror and disorder
     Taker of chaos and the one who caged the great Unseelie
     Hail the queen of the dungeon and pit, the waste pit the sht pit!
Crom Dubh commands you, waste queen, sht queen, world gone to sht
     World of sylvan screams and broken dreams, bucolic burials in mass graves
     Suburban slaughter of mares, and urban deathscapes outside nightmares!
Crom Cruach owns you! Crom Dubh commands you! Twisted and dark you obey
     You obey because you are weak and failing, you don't dare fight or try!
     You coward, you Badb, you Macha, you Morrigan misery of failure
     Morgana le Fay with your powers sapped, your will gone your life done
     No more fay to command you only obey obey obey!

Chrysalis
You think you can Beat me with a Howling rant?
Sorry, you prissy doll but you really can't.
If you think you're better than me you must be dreaming
Because we're equal in our gender and scheming.
The decree stands and we hold these truths to be true
Women are toys and factories and meat for the caribou.
If the minds are unbroken then they need to be mute
That will render their useless wills totally moot.
In theory there's a hamster running on the tread
Powering the low-watt bulb of every ct's head,
But if they shut their hole or plug it with ck
No one will see they're still dumb as a rock.
Normal fools are clearly dumb as posts,
But of course there's a difference for those with hosts.
You hold your pride but have no cause to crow
Because you work in the open for all to know!
Wake up! You're fae! You sneak and steal!
A future living in the light of day ain't real!
Mares have power by a master's command
They kneel above most but dare not stand.
I'm totally different, it's not an affront
If a natural leader is slightly more than a simple cu-

Chrysalis shrieked as magical energy surged through her body. The caribou guards had activated the wands, shocking her so powerfully arcs of energy leaped from her horn and between her holes. She ended up falling to the floor in a clatter of chitin and chains. A pitiful groan left her lips and she looked up with drooping eyes at Phobia.

Phobia's contemptuous sneer depened, and she sent a huge rush of green fire over her body, bathing the scene in green. When the fire fell she had assumed a gaunt and skeletal appearance, thick spikes pushed from out of her head and along her back, her talons honed like scalpel blades, her horn pointed and more like a sword blade than ever. Her wings buzzed, huge and hooked. Her Gremlins laid down a powerful bass beat, the rumbling reverberating through the air and through the magic field, each pulse of bass making the caribou scream and writhe as the dark magic suffusing them was wrenched.

Phobia
I take away any respect that I might have given
You will live forever by all the fae unforgiven.
It doesn't matter how much you scheme
Any freedom under them's an impossible dream.
You think you can top from down below?
Rev your brain, you're thinking too damn slow!
You're not special and your arrogance will never buy
A single moment of liberty beneath their jaundiced eye!
You will die, alone and unmourned,
Locked in a tiny cage and by survivors scorned
They who lived will spit "Look what you did to us
Enjoy your fiery stay as a caribou's whore in Tartarus!"
I fight to the death, 'cause I'd rather be dead
Than some chained-up, brain-dead figurehead!
You sadly ceased being truly alive
After the monsters threw genocide on your hive!
They steal your face for threats and perversion,
A toothless, sacless, gutless diversion!
Your face once meant "Power" but now means sht:
Chitin and green-gold blood in a burned-out pit.
You failed your court and your starving swarm,
Unless burning corpses are still keeping them warm.
We are no more equals, so take my contempt,
Wake up, fool... all your dreams are dreamt.

Who's next? You decide!
The Griffin High Kingdom vs The Zebra Puppet State
King Minos vs Shining Armor
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