At the Writing Desk · 2:56pm Jun 7th, 2016
While These Heartbreak Time's had a rather underwhelming reception I still got the feedback I wanted and received mostly positive reviews. For that, I am most grateful. However, this has brought about an interesting set of ideas and statistics that I need to talk about. First of all, it so happens that my most popular story is an unpolished shim-sham written in half an hour while my big Manehattan project did not seem to share the same amount of appeal.
Honestly, I'm still unsure of why this is. Could it be the sheer length of the story's first chapter? The premise? Or perhaps, I just posted it at a bad time? Caught the site in a bit of a dry-spell so to speak. Personally, I feel its a bit of each. That's not to say that I'm not proud of all the hard-work and effort I've put into it. It's just...I thought it would be a little more rewarding.
Perhaps, when I get the next chapter up, people will be more interested in reading it. I don't know, but I can't promise you the next chapter will be much shorter. If anything it might end up being even longer. Who knows?
So with all this running through my mind, I get this little email from Equestria Daily.
Thank you for submitting your story to Equestria Daily! There's a lot to like in this story, so I gave it some extended feedback.
While pre-reader feedback cannot be assumed to include any detail, I occasionally prefer to provide feedback to stories of sufficient quality and do so outside of Equestria Daily. Your review is posted here and deals with the more abstract issues in depth:
https://www.ponychan.net/fan/res/23.html#2275
Your story has not been identified by title or author there, and the site doesn't get much traffic, though it certainly wouldn't be hard to Google a few phrases and locate your story, if someone cared to; if you wish, you can ask that I remove your review. You may also ask questions there. This is not a strike.
Sincerely,
Pre-reader 63.546
He doesn't really give me much to work with other than a few notes on ponychan. Which is fine, feedback is nice but...he didn't explicitly say whether this would be worth reworking or even good enough to post on the site if I had gone back and fine-tuned it some more. Which really bothers me. He didn't 'reject' it but he didn't exactly 'accept' it either.
I don't know...maybe he's giving me a chance to try and re-work it? But he didn't list any real main points and I just felt a little bit gutted by his entire response.
Seriously, with nearly every other review he says
If you can shape this up some, I'd be happy to post it.
or something along those lines. Just...not with mine. I honestly don't know if I should even ask him. It just feels kind of unnecessary.
Here's his closing words after he points out all the errors.
So it should be clear what detailed problems there are. Basically, anything I pointed out multiple times, but also note that I wasn't exhaustive in marking things. I just did enough examples to give you the gist of what to look for.
So far, the plot seems fine, though we haven't gotten in far enough yet to see what Suri's motivation is. Character seems fine as well, for what we get, but the depth of some of these characters is pretty shallow. For North and Coco, they come in, recite their lines, and leave. None of their personality comes out while they're on stage, and they don't show much emotion beyond what little can be inferred from the dialogue.
It's also odd how often you give Rarity italicized thoughts when you already have a limited narrator who can state her thoughts for her. There are times it can work to do so, but as often as you use it, it makes me wonder if you thought you were using an omniscient narrator.
Honestly, I can see where he's coming from but I just wish he'd given me the go-ahead to resubmit. He just sort of left me hanging there. With that said, I do have some other matters to discuss.
It's come to my attention that I need a break from my Manehattan project for awhile. In between writing chapters, I would like to write short, one-shots. Probably at most 3,000 words and will mostly revolve around the daily, mundane lives of different ponies. Maybe.
I have come up with a few ideas and I thought for a change I'd see what my readers would like to see my write. In the end, its always up to me but it would be nice to see what people are more interested in. Here are three prompts:
Idea 1: A short slice of slice narrative that takes place at the dinner table of Twilight's family. Where of course she has an argument/disagreement with her brother about something magic related. I'm thinking of having her as a filly. I just think it would be more comedic if she was still quite young and naive.
Idea 2: The day in the life of the famous mail mare: Derpy Hooves. Yes, follow Derpy on an adventure through the bustling streets of Canterlot as she attempts to deliver mail to high-class ponies with no patience whatsoever. Hilarity ensues.
Idea 3: Follow Princess Twilight and her guard as she forces him to carry ridiculously heavy books all through Canterlot. But since he has an apparent crush on the Princess, he's totally cool with it. They buy ice-cream, talk and make a connection. Of sorts.
So there's your options. I'm not sure how much these will appeal to anyone but please, if you like one or all of them let me know in the comments! Cast your vote for what you want to see me write.
That's all for now. I'll see you all in the next one. Princesses and tea parties sure do go hand in hand don't they?
- A
My my, what a snorer am I to have missed this. I like Idea #2 and 3 they seem like interesting ideas. :) If had to cast a single vote however that would be difficult because I would like to see how both ideas are written.^^
4019089
Well I haven't quite decided yet. Once I'm get my studies finished for the semester I plan to hanker down and get some serious writing done. I've got a secret fourth idea that hasn't been listed here. More of a wild-card so to speak. It's been awhile I since I've written a good short story. I hope to really hit home with these, or at least have some fun with them along the way.
I also haven't seen you around here in a long time Lone, I guess I'm just glad someone is taking an interest in my blog.
4019219 And I never lost interest.
I'll wait for the fourth idea then. :3