Peaks and Troughs · 5:26pm Aug 29th, 2012
Blog Number 7: Coming To Terms Edition
I'll confess; I'm disappointed with myself. I failed to deliver Didgeridoo in time for the National Pony Writing Month.
At times like this, it is very easy to act surprised, to gawp as though I'd followed the instructions to the letter and not gotten the result my manual/guide/friend said I would get, to say I had no idea how it happened. It's easy to blame something external, like my holiday or somebody else, to assure people I never saw it coming because I was totally into it all the time and loving the story, to suggest I'd read enough stories so I should know how its done, to wail how this could be happening to me, and other such things. Heck, I might just get histrionic about it and blame somebody else.
I don't think it's like that. Every source I consulted stressed how hard writing can be. I've had a track record for writing attempts that I never finished, so it's not like I didn't have experience or evidence. It's not out of character for me to put things off if it's a long-term project requiring more than one afternoon to complete. It's clear to an outsider what went wrong, and it has nothing to do with the universe pulling a fast one on me or with anybody conspiring against me.
In essence, I gradually got more nervous about pitfalls and quality. This went on until I lost my nerve and became afraid of my own shortcomings. Behind every failed story is an author who's scared of seeing his own reflection on blank paper.
So now, another promising story ends up getting put on ice. I kept putting it off and couldn't will myself to put pen to paper, in case the result of my efforts turned out less than I imagined. I don't know what else to say except "I'm sorry" to my fellow users who thought they might be in for a treat. The evidence suggests I'm simply swimming way out of my depth trying such ambitious and long stories, at least at present. I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for now until I get a result.
It's at times like this I appreciate just how tough (and very uncomfortable) writing must be for everybody else. Writing is psychological training, not just a technical achievement, which must be a key reason why practice is so essential. It takes a certain kind of mind to stick through with a project that could last months and years, with numerous distractions, temptations, and frustrations along the way. You have my sympathies if this failure has ever happened to you, and my admiration if you've managed to conquer it.
So what now? It's likely I'll get back into the game eventually - I haven't met a writing setback I couldn't recover from, and my enthusiasm for storytelling is too great to give up - but it might take a while. I haven't given up on Didgeridoo either, but this particular trial isn't going to be decided for a long time yet.
In the meantime, fic recommendations are, as usual, very welcome. Anything new and exciting over the last two or three weeks would be great, as I've been offline ever since the Olympics (which were awesome, by the way). Comedies, adventures, and slice of life stories would be excellent.
Lastly, despite the disappointment, I still consider this to have been a pretty good summer overall. The holiday I took was just what I needed, and weather was OK. Hope yours was good too!
For now, Impossible Numbers out.
Statistics
New Stories?: N/A
Story Count: 11
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Age: 37 weeks, 1 day
My Follower count: 36
My Followed count: 51
I feel ya.
As for recommendations, the only recent one that stands out to me is: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/47589/The-Many-Secret-Origins-of-Scootaloo
320749
I think I'll do a bit more reading of fics for a while. An idea might hit me. At the very least, it should be entertaining.
Thanks for the recommendation, by the way. A Scootaloo fic parody? Sweet.
I've added it to my reading list.