Snippet test teaser: Need your input. · 2:16am Mar 5th, 2016
So here's a small expansion to the balcony scene that i'm working on in the start of the chapter, I'd like your opinion of how you think it flows, and if it should be added. Please comment below and let me know your thoughts.
Talon lets out a gentle huff of air, turning his attention back to the coffee mug before him. He takes another sip and relaxes more in the chair, smiling as he takes in the view of the palace grounds from high up on the balcony, enjoying the crisp autumn air and beautiful morning skies. Nightie once again comes to his side and comes to a rest upon her haunches, quietly observing him out of the corner of her vision. Her ears swivel and turn rearward, the dark alicorn listening intently to the sounds behind her.
Nightmare picks up the soft sounds and sleepy murmurs of the occupants in the bed, as well as the gentle snores of the pink alicorn sprawled out on the sofa within the night princesses chambers. She inhales a quiet breath, licking her lips to speak. “Master…things will change here, won’t they?”
The pilot turns his attention to her now, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Well…it will no longer be just Lumin…” She pauses for a moment, then corrects herself. “Luna and myself serving you. Now our heard has since expanded greatly, including the dawn bringer, mistress Twilight, and now, the pink one.”
“Cadence.” He quips, nodding. “I don’t really know how to answer that. I couldn’t even begin to explain that situation, Nightie.” Setting down the coffee mug on the table, he turns around to glance into the chambers, looking right at the still sleeping Cadence. He rolls his eyes as he sees her with one foreleg above her head, her maw wide open and tongue hanging out. A small glimmer of drool glistens on her fur, the pink alicorn letting out a loud snort, followed by more snores as she scratches her belly with her other foreleg. Talon sighs, then turns his eyes once more upon the black alicorn, who is staring at him with curious wonder. “Morrigan was pretty clear yesterday. She said that Cadence was to join our herd. As to why, I have no idea. But…I’m not even going to try and argue with the lady.”
“Yes…one does not simply argue with the mother of all creation.” She quietly breathes out. "For whatever may come our way, just know I promise to always be by your side. No matter how things turn out with this, I will never stray from you, my master.”
Talon shakes his head. “Nightie…I really wouldn’t mind if you just called me Talon. Or even Tal. Hell, I’ll happily take being called dumbass or anything. I’m not your master. You’re free to make your own decisions and choose your own path in life. Part of free will.”
“So I may call you any name I wish?” She asks, her lips curling into a small smile.
“Yes.” He responds, picking up his coffee again and taking down a gulp.
“Then I choose to call you master.” She replies, smiling smugly. The alicorn watches as he nearly chokes on his drink, raising her hoof to her maw to cover her gentle giggle at his reaction. Talon only shakes his head in response. As she’s about to speak again, a long, loud trumpeting blast is heard from the chambers, Nightmare glancing quickly to track the source of the sound. Nightie crinkles her nose with amused disgust, quickly picking up the all too familiar of a Cadence rump trumpet. Her eyes trace the snoozing alicorn’s tail flicking and swishing, the sleepy sound of a quiet giggle reaching her ears, followed by more snores.
Talon holds back a laugh, taking another gulp and finishing the remainder of the coffee. “Believe it or not, Luna’s are worse. That mare can clear a room after a few bowls of chili.”
I really liked the snippet and I think it should be added
Ack! spoilers,
but really it should be added in,
if not the whole thing the part about farts.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
S.W.B.
I liked it. and I'm glad to hear this story is continuing. I just found it and it's predecessor yesterday due to looking for the continuation of Come Back to Me, and Help my Loney soul. When i found part of it was included in your story I started reading and noticed i was mid story so i went to the beginning. I must say, this story has not dissapointed me. It's been great so far! Keep up the good work sug.
3801826 I don't know the status of the official immortal lovers, but I will try to get in touch with Sam for it. The chapter of it in New Beginnings is indeed the opening for the story, and has been accepted and set by Sam himself. Personally, I hope he releases it soon. I'd love to see what direction the story takes.
3802165
Same! and Honestly, I'm glad i found the link to New Beginnings in his blogs. I wouldn't have stumbled upon two such great stories without it! Seriously, your fallen Equestria series is rather good. I very much enjoyed reading it
3802216 Thank you. I'm glad that you've enjoyed it. I'm actually in process of writing Requiem now, after some revising by my editor, I had found that some of the scenes were lacking. So i'm re-doing a couple of parts now. I should be able to meet the deadline and have a good chapter posted come Sunday evening on 03/13/2016. It will be a fairly large chapter, between 15~18,000 words.
If you wouldn't mind, I do love a critique or viewpoint from my readers. Could you perhaps take some time to review your thoughts on it, and tell me what you think so far? Please be detailed. I don't mind criticism too. It helps me improve to deliver a better story.