Grammar for Real People, Part 4-5: Clarity Rule 5: Scripts and Sleepy Phrases (The Truth Behind "Passive Voice") · 11:34pm Mar 3rd, 2016
Part 1: Magic and Science
Part 2: Sentences, Phrases, and Clauses
Part 3: Phrase Functions and Parse
Part 4-1: Modifier Confusion
Part 4-2: Specifier Logic
Part 4-3: Heavy Complements
Part 4-4: Positive/Negative Unity (The Truth Behind “Double-Negatives")
Part 4-5: You Are Here!
Part 4-6: Script Details (Coming Soon)
TL;DR at the bottom, as always.
Scripts and Script Elements
Before we can get into this rule, we'll need to introduce another new idea to go with word types and phrase functions. (WARNING: this one has a lot of new information to get through before we get to actual rule. Sorry in advance, but this stuff is necessary here and it wasn't until now. Scroll down to the line break or Ctrl+F "Sleepy Phrases" to skip to the rule. It won't make sense unless you understand verb types, though!)
Linguistic communication, on its most basic level, is structured like a story in a lot of ways. The analogy is so true, in fact, that linguists use the word "script" to indicate the intended message of a phrase, sentence, or paragraph, and how it gets communicated.
When a movie's story and dialogue just don't make sense, critics talk about bad scripts. Script in language is the same way: it's the underlying framework that's responsible for the intended message getting communicated clearly. The moment what you're trying to say with your words "clicks" for the reader (or listener) is when they pick up on all the script elements.
Language is full of script events, or little stories, each consisting of at least a Cause and a Result. (Just like the basic definition of a story, huh?) These elements exist in every level of writing: from the story as a whole, to arcs within the story, chapters, and scenes, and even down to paragraphs, sentences, and phrases. Each one is structurally a story unto itself. They're all made of the same parts: exposition, conflict, goals, and cause and result.
In fact, there are seven of these script elements in grammar, just like word types, phrase functions, and clarity rules! And they're parallel to those, too, if you care to match them up. I don't.
Not only are script elements used to categorize types and presentation of ideas in writing, but they also define their related types of verbs. Don't forget that, because grammar rules for script verbs don't necessarily apply to their more general script elements on a larger-than-grammar level.
To better illustrate how these script elements work together at both the paragraph and sentence/phrase level, we're going to use two examples:
Spike was feeling especially hungry one day while visiting Rarity, so he started sneaking gems from her chest, hoping she wouldn't see him. Inevitably, though, she caught him red-clawed.
Before she found a book she loved, reading always seemed like a waste of time to Rainbow Dash. Now she reads whenever she can.
. . . Actually, before we do that, this is as good a time as any to talk about the complement "shunting" that I've briefly mentioned before, technically called "topicalization" or "extraposition," depending on which direction it shunts to. The first phrase of the second example, "Before she found a book she loved" is a good illustration of this.
(Before (THAT ( <she> DID (find (...) ) ) ) )
...<a book> THAT (...)
... <she> DID (love (A BOOK-T) )
Sometimes you'll get things that may look like specifiers ("a book"), but are also complements (in this case, of "loved" or "DID love") that have been moved or "copied" to the other side of a head, in the direction of the beginning of the sentence or phrase (or to the end), to fit the larger context or to fill two roles, and mark the move with an added "that", either invisible or not.
Without this weirdness, "love" would have no actual head. To illustrate that, let's rephrase our first example:
"Rainbow Dash loved a book that she found."
<Rainbow Dash> DID (love a book {that she DID find} ).
You see how swapping "loved" and "found" is so easy? That's because they both have the same role in the sentence, of describing the "Book" is the complement of both verbs, but writing it out for both wouldn't make any sense, so we have to phrase the two of them in such a way that one instance of "book" connects to both verbs at the same time. Topicalization of one verb's complement to combine with the other one does this for us.
This direction (left, towards the beginning) is called topicalization. Extraposition is when a complement is moved right, towards the end, on the other side of a subcomplement or a modifier.
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
The underlined portion there is an extraposed version of this phrase:
brought forth a new nation on this continent
Reasons for doing this vary, but it is a thing that happens. In this example, it helps prevent Modifier Confusion with "conceived" and "continent".
This can look like it separates the phrase's head from its complement, which would be an exception to the BAD IDEA complement-placement rules I talked about earlier, but in reality in those cases, the "shunted" complement isn't where it appears at all, and is technically still in the place it's supposed to be (like invisible words are also where they're supposed to be, whether they're written/said aloud or not), but "projecting" itself into the new placement. We mark the invisible, true placement as a Back Trace, in all-capitals and with a "-T".
It's confusing, I know. Basically, Topicalization happens when a complement needs to be used as a subject (topic) instead of an object, and because of that, it's how we create passive voice, though not all topicalization is passive.
For example:
"Someone threw the ball."
<Someone> DID (throw the ball).
vs.
"The ball was thrown."
<The ball> was (thrown (THE BALL-T) ).
They each have different meanings, so sometimes you need to use the passive version. And for that, you use topicalization.
But we'll talk more about passive voice later. For now, on to the script elements.
1: State
This is the exposition, the information that already existed and sets the background situation for your sentence/paragraph/story/whatever, the things that would still be true if this script event never happened. Sometimes this isn't explicitly stated, especially in shorter scripts, but can be easily gathered from the preceding Specifier Logic.
(Spike was visiting Rarity)
(Rarity has a chest of gems)
(Spike eats gems)(Rainbow Dash had never found an enjoyable book before)
(Rainbow Dash thought reading was a waste of time)
As a verb type, State verbs express existence, and point to something in the modifier. Virtually the only ones you'll ever see or use are "be," "have," seem," and "appear," in all their different conjugations. They only count as State verbs when they're not used as tense inflections, though, so make sure to check if there's a "real" verb following this one.
<reading> {always} DID (seem {like a waste of time} )
It's easy to mistake State-verb phrases for passive voice, but don't fall for it!
There's an easy test to see if something is really passive voice or not: if you can rephrase it in active voice, then it's passive. And likewise, if you can rephrase something in passive voice, then it's active.
"Wait, but what if something fails both tests?"
Then it's neither. No big deal.
Not many people realize it, but not everything is phrased in active or passive voice. Really, only the next two verb types can be: Cause and Experience, with explicit subjects and objects (making them transitive verbs), but for stupid reasons we try to extend it to all verb phrases.
Even more on passive voice later.
2: Cause
The thing that sets events in motion, the source of conflict and whatever it is that needs to be changed or answered. Incomplete as a story or a script without a following Result to close that loop. This can also be implied and not explicitly stated.
Spike was feeling especially hungry one day while visiting Rarity,
Rainbow Dash found a book she loved
As a verb type, Cause verbs usually represent events or other changes from the beginning state, and are inherently "active", meaning they are done by something to something else, and they have direct, outward consequences. Cause verbs focus on the specifier and are transitive, meaning they have both a "subject" in the preceding specifier and a "direct object" in a following complement ("Video killed the radio star"), and therefore they can be both actively and passively phrased ("The radio star was killed by video"). The subject ("doer") of a Cause verb is the one that takes the action and does all or most of the "work." Some examples of Cause verbs are all forms of "save," "push," "say," and "call."
<he> DID (start sneaking SOME gems from her chest)
<she> DID (find a book)
(That invisible SOME is always there for nouns of unspecified quantity or identity, btw.)
3: Experience
The events put into motion by the cause, and the steps taken to reach the goal or result.
so he started sneaking gems from Rarity's chest
(Rainbow Dash read the book she found and loved it)
(Remember, script verbs don't always correlate to their script element. The Spike example here is the Experience element of the larger script, but it doesn't include any Experience verbs. In fact, it's the same example I just used to illustrate Cause verbs. That doesn't make it the Cause element of the larger script!)
And again, this doesn't have to be explicitly stated, and isn't even as important to include as the other four basic script elements. That doesn't mean it's never useful, though!
Experience verbs are inherently "neutral", things that aren't specifically done "by" something "to" something else, but instead depend on some other verb happening to be "experienced," and don't have any direct outward effect or consequence on anything outside the subject of that verb. Experience verbs are the only other type after Cause to be transitive ("I saw the accident," "The accident was seen by me"). They point to the complement (another verb, more often than not) and lead to a Result. Some examples are all forms of "feel," "witness," "overhear," and "regret."
(hoping (THAT (...) ) )
... <she> would (NOT (...) )
... see him (SNEAKING GEMS-T).<Now> THAT ( <she> DOES (...) )
... read { <whenever> THAT (...) }
... she can (READ-T).
Generally speaking, these verbs involve the subject learning something or changing because of an object, without affecting the object itself or anything else.
4: Result
Whatever is different because of the cause and experience, a perception, action, or discovery. If Cause opens up a conflict, Result closes it again, making a new status quo, or answering the Cause's question.
Inevitably, though, she caught him red-clawed.
(Rainbow Dash's opinion of reading has changed)
And remember, every script event has a result, but it won't always be explicitly stated! Same goes for all of these elements, really.
Result verbs focus on the head. They're nothing without another verb happening first to cause them.
<she> DID (catch him {red-clawed} ).
5: Goal
The result desired or expected from the Cause, but distinct from the actual Result. Goal usually involves restoration of the disruption the Cause inflicted on the State, and is functionally very closely related to State. The Cause is usually directly opposed to the Goal, and looking at the two of them together is always helpful.
(Spike wants to sate his hunger)
. . . hoping she wouldn't see him.(Rainbow Dash wants to avoid things that waste her time)
Goal verbs are usually pretty obvious, when they're used, as expressing intention or desire and some form of future tense. They focus on predications, the part of a sentence including the specifier and the head.
<he> DID (START-T (hoping THAT she would not see him) ).
6: Plot Frame
Basically the script event at its core, Cause and Result together. Can also be a question and answer.
Spike was hungry, and got caught stealing Rarity's gems.
Rainbow Dash found a good book, so her opinion of reading changed.
Plot verbs focus on questions or assertions (head+complement), and usually herald an important recursive phrase.
"Rainbow Dash thought reading was uncool."
<Rainbow Dash> DID (think THAT (ALL reading was uncool) ).
"that all reading was uncool" being the assertion in this case
7: Subplot
Basically the idea of recursion (phrase within a phrase function) applied to plot frames. Specifically, a Cause/Result script event within a larger Cause/Result script. Subplot verbs are really just Plot verbs, so there's not really a point in differentiating them.
Spike was hungry and got caught stealing gems by Rarity, but being the Element of Generosity, she let him off easy.
Alright, on to the rule! (finally)
Rule 5: Sleepy Phrases
(Official name: Predicate-Event Principle)
This rule is about preferring certain script elements over others. Basically, try to use Cause/Experience/Result instead of State whenever you can.
Like the title suggests, this rule is pretty closely related to the prescriptivist stigma against passive voice. And as with any traditional rule, there is a real problem that it tries to address, but it does so by focusing on the wrong thing.
Passive voice itself isn't a problem. But passive-voice phrasings are sometimes wrong, so what else could be behind it?
There was a rattling sound in Fluttershy's kitchen that seemed to her to be an indication that Angel had a complaint.
Not the worst sentence ever, but certainly not what you'd call clear. If you looked at it by traditional grammar's standards, you might judge it to be a bad passive phrasing. But we just defined passive voice as requiring transitive verbs, and there aren't any here, so that can't be it. In fact, the only actual verbs here are all State verbs: "was", "seemed", "to be", and "had". Everything else has been "frozen" into noun phrases.
No one can argue that there are probably much better ways to phrase this, so let's try replacing all those State verbs with more "active" ones:
Something in Fluttershy's kitchen rattled, and she guessed that Angel was complaining about something.
Ahh, clear and easy on the brain!
This is the real problem: trying to express your script in a noun phrase. Notice that most of the verbs in the fixed example ("rattled", "complaining") were nouns or noun phrases in the broken one. Turning verbs into nouns is called "nominalization," and tends to lead to big, overly-complicated noun phrases when abused. The solution is usually to pull out as many of the nominalized verbs as you can, and make them into more normal Cause/Experience/Result verbs.
Since your script is the story of things happening, this problem is like the "Show, Don't Tell" rule. Nominalizing verbs into noun phrases means State verbs are the only ones you have left to express things happening. And since State verbs by definition are meant to show that things exist or are a certain way, there's no real action going on at all, even though all the same information is conveyed.
State verbs makes a sentence feel passive, even though it's technically not passive or active.
"But Cosmic, that 'better' sentence still uses a state verb, doesn't it?"
Almost, but not quite. Remember, State verbs are only considered as such when they're the only verb in the phrase. "Was" there is actually a tense-inflection, not a real verb, and "complaining" is the actual verb.
Don't fear the passive voice. Fear the sleepy voice.
TL;DR
Passive voice isn't bad. That myth comes from "sleepy" phrasings that use State verbs on their own ("be", "have", "seem", "appear," etc.) and noun phrases instead of real verbs. This isn't passive voice at all, but usually looks like it.
Changing "The book was read" to "Someone read the book" doesn't make it any better, but changing "I have a desire to be the winner" to "I want to win" does.
Basically, watch out for noun phrases that could be made simpler by changing them to verbs, and you won't end up stuck with only State verbs as an expression of things happening (which, by definition, they're not meant for).
Sentence "plots" are best expressed with Cause/Experience/Result verbs, to clearly show things happening.
My opinionisthat frieshavemuch better taste than salad.
I think fries taste way better than salad.
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3790765 Heh. You should see the explanation I'm trying to paraphrase.
3790912 They would, though now I don't think they're very good examples.
Looks like I need to go over this one again. I'll need to study it more myself so I understand it better.
So, where does one draw the line on the (in)appropriateness of using state verbs? I figure they can't be the wrong choice every time. Maybe using them in the above-mentioned fashion is ok if you're intending to slow down the reader?
Also, could you please show me an example of the passive voice used well? I think it's for when you want to emphasize who or what an event happened to, rather than the event's perpetrator. For example: He got pranked, hard. She was murdered. (Note: Those two sentences aren't meant to be related.)
Anyhow, though it seems to take some faith and creativity to follow this rule about sleepy state verbs, I feel like it'll be worthwhile to pay attention to. Thanks again for writing it and the rest of the series.
3790765
3790912
3791263
Rewrote this one. Try it again, see if it makes more sense.
3807854
I've only thoroughly reread the final section (having trouble concentrating today due to pain), but that one section was really helpful. It makes a lot more sense, and it clearly gets at the difference between passive voice and loading all of your meaning into noun phrases so you have to use state verbs everywhere else.
This has been incredibly enlightening. I'm not actually sure how much of this I've grasped well enough to use, but I do feel like I've got a better understanding of things.
Also,
This was wonderful.
3821986 Also missing a very important "she." Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
Finally got around to reading the entire thing. It looks like you've revised it yet again, too. There's still one instance of a manticore interrupting Twilight in the end, in case you were intending to remove all such instances.
3834837 Huh. Thanks for catching that.