Anyone Willing To Give Feedback On A Story? · 2:45am Dec 1st, 2015
I don't normally do this, but as this latest story of mine might be a very long story indeed, I've become tempted to get some feedback on it before submitting it officially. At least in that case, if something is very, very wrong with the piece, there's still time to correct it before submitting it to the masses.
The story's called "Discord Inc." and I've made mention of it before. Here's a blog post detailing it better: CLICK!
For a shorter version, it's basically Discord plus Trixie plus the end of the world... sort of. Dark. Adventure. Alternate Universe. Slight comedy. Swearing. Gore. It's a little different than my usual.
Here's the first two parts:
1. The Last Bad Show (4.5k): CLICK!
2. The Encore (4.7k): CLICK!
My first concern is length. The first chapter was supposed to be 3k max, but went over. I even cut out a bunch just to get it smaller. Same with the second chapter. Around four more scenes were supposed to take place, but I ended it there as not to overwhelm. It still might. Not sure.
If you happen to give it a read, let me know what you think -- good, bad, or otherwise. If it's really bad, you can always send me a PM. And some ice cream for the hurt feelings, I guess.
Update: Just submitted the parts, so thanks to everyone that gave their two cents/edited.
I'll give it a look-see. Don't be too worried about the word count, though. 4.5k is a pretty okayish length. Personally, I always think somewhere between 3k-6k works the best in terms of not being too long but also allowing stuff to actually happen in a chapter, so that's a good medium.
I'm about to go to bed now, but I can give it looksie tomorrow if you aren't wanting to post it sooner. I'm also a fairly accomplished editor, so if you gave suggestion access, there's a decent chance I could find grammar/spelling/punctuation errors should you have them.
3583498 I'm in no rush. I gave it comment access, if that's what you meant. Thanks for the look!
3583379 Personally, 3-6k seems fine. I just know from experience that longer opening chapters tend to be harder to swallow or attempt. But that might just be for comedies. How some writers here make every chapter 1k and have it work is beyond me.
It's fine, it'll have a niche liking. Don't expect much. Mainly due to the genre and setting. Publish it. Also more Sombra (Y)
3583542 Yeah, it's the same thing. Suggestions are a bit different from comments, but both are allowed with comment access.
3583542
By having it be the kind of story where nothing actually happens, if you ask me. That, or updating three times a week. That also works.
Ooooooooo You did it. *Grabs mining equipment and slaps on hard hat* This is what I been waiting for. Detailed analysis later today.
I'm not very good at reviews, so not going to bother with one. But I liked the story and would love to read more.
I'm diggin' it.
Chapter length feels good, the base idea is good, execution is superb.
There're a couple of spelling/homonym errors, but all the ones I noticed had been marked out already. (G-Docs also marks some words as incorrect, and I can't fathom why. "Spat" is a valid word, with two meanings that I'm aware of, why suggest "spot"?)
tl;dr, GG.
3584959 Thank you!
As I mentioned, I normally just post without asking for some feedback. This one was a little different, so I thought, "Why not?" Thanks for the read and feedback!
And, yes, I am grammatically/English speaking retarded. My old editor must've been a very patient fellow.
3584406 Thank you! That's basically a review. "Was it horrible?" "No." "Good enough!"
Love it, I'm so excited you're writing this, I love your dark stories and can't wait to read a new epic by you!
3585829 Very glad to hear!
It's seems I've gathered at least a couple dark story readers over my time on this site. Hope to have it up "officially" tomorrow or the day after. And then the third part around the same time.
3583567 Yes, I'm fully prepared for it to be ignored. That's fine. It's been too long since I've written something just for myself. And, yes, Sombra will pop up eventually. In the beginning though, it'll mainly be his influence that's affects our protagonists.
Terribly.
3585869
Aay as long as you somehow shift the MC role from Trixie to Sombra.