How A Human/Pony War Would Really Go

(Sorry for the delay guys, final chapter of Out of Place is definitely on the way this week)

Huh. So this is apparently a genre?

To be honest it's a bit of a bland idea for a genre - MLP is a character-focused series, pushing the characters into the background to focus on a war just misses the entire appeal of MLP.

But I'm not here to talk about what I think of the idea's storytelling potential, I'm here to theorise! How would a human/pony war actually go? Well let's break it down - there's 5 key areas we need to look at - organisation ability, allies, army size, army experience and technology/magic.

ORGANISATION ABILITY
Organisation ability is hugely important in a war. An army's ability to make the right decisions and make them quickly can be the difference between victory and devastation - so how do both sides measure up?

Well, let's start with the pony side. Equestria seems to be a highly politically stable country - the princesses are supported by the vast majority of Equestrian citizens, and all ponies are unified under one government. Not only that but the bureaucracy seems to work incredibly efficiently in Equestria - I know what you're thinking, "HAVE YOU EVEN WATCHED MLP?!" Well yes, I have - and yes, there have been many moments where bureaucracy has messed things up, but in the end things always get done within a week - that's lightning fast compared to human bureaucracy.

On the other hand (or hoof, heh), humans are... a mess. We don't have a single central leadership - we have nearly 200 separate governments. Within the jurisdictions of those governments exist several groups that refuse to listen to and even attempt to overthrow them - and a world war would be the perfect opportunity. If you want an example of just how useless and unorganised humans are, just look at the response to the Syrian crisis. America, Iran and Russia - 3 of the world's greatest powers - have all been against ISIS - a tiny terrorist organisation - for over a year. What have they achieved? Absolutely nothing. Humans can't even hold off a tiny rebellion, they could never organise quickly enough to hold back an invasion by an entire species. Point #1 goes to the ponies.

ALLIES
This is an area that seems to be frequently overlooked by fanfictions, which is disappointing considering how crucial it is. Even the greatest superpower is in danger without some backup. So who has the most allies?

Well again, let's start with the ponies. We don't see many international relations take place in the show, but we can piece some things together from what we have seen:
>Griffons, zebras, donkeys, mules and even sea serpents have been seen traveling around Equestria as free citizens, this isn't solid evidence but it seems to imply that the governments of their home countries are at least a little friendly with Equestria
>Saddle Arabia sent delegates to Equestria and there seemed to be very little hostility or awkwardness, again not solid evidence, but this implies the two nations are friendly
>This one IS solid evidence. Yakyakistan have officially agreed to a (presumably military) alliance with Equestria for at least thousand years, and knowing them, they will almost certainly honour that alliance

But even putting all that aside, ponies have one absolutely massive ally that humans would never have given a second thought to - wildlife. Apart from the residents of the Everfree Forest, all the wild animals in Equestria are provided with food, water, shelter, healthcare and affection by ponies. Even more importantly - they can talk to ponies through communicators like Fluttershy. This is an immense advantage, it increases the size of the Equestrian army at least a hundred times over and allows a multitude of new strategies using different animals' sizes and abilities to the army's advantage.

So then, what about humans. Sadly for humanity, we have absolutely no allies. We've spent our entire existence ignoring and mistreating animals - if anything they'd side with the ponies. Besides animals, well there is no other intelligent life in our solar system. Unless we make an alliance with a rock, there's really not much we can do. The only real possibility for human allies would be old enemies of ponykind - the changelings and Ahuizotl. Even then it's far from certain that they'd join the human side.

Point #2 for the ponies!

ARMY SIZE
This one seems obvious, doesn't it? Equestria is a country with about half the land area of the United States, with about 7 major cities and a population of maybe 20 million. Humankind has the land area of - well - Earth, as well as hundreds of cities and a population of 7,000 million. It's an easy question right?

Well not so fast - remember, allies. Specifically animals. Sure, there's probably not enough animals in Equestria to match 7,000 million - but there are literally trillions on Earth, and they're probably pretty pissed after thousands of years of us cutting down their homes, shooting their families and polluting their water. If someone managed to allow them to communicate and unite - someone like, say, a pony with a special talent in animal communication - literally over a 1,000,000 million animals would be up against 7,000 million humans. It would be a massacre!

But, that's just speculation. It might not necessarily happen, something might get in the way of ponies reaching the animals in the first place. Or their communication might only work on Equestrian animals. So assuming it's ONLY ponies up against the humans, that's the first point for humanity, so it's 2-1 in favour of ponykind.

ARMY EXPERIENCE
It's all well and good to have a massive army, but what use are they if they don't know how to fight? Armies have to be trained, they have to be equipped with weapons and they have to be checked for health problems. If a country already has a long history of war, or simply a large reserve ready for war, they are far better prepared than a country that has to sit and wait for weeks as they train their new recruits.

This is another category where humans have the edge. Due to our out-of-control violence and self-destructive tendencies, we have well-prepared armies that have seen war numerous times before. Ponies simply don't get into many wars. That said, ponies do have griffons and yaks on side, both of which seem to be highly experienced and ready for war.

Still, it's really only fair that this point goes to humanity, tying things up at 2-2.

TECHNOLOGY/MAGIC
Yeah, you all knew it would come down to this. To be honest, technology and magic do seem to be two words for nearly the same thing, at least in this context. In MLP, magic is something that can be discovered, manipulated and experimented with in a logical way, just like the forces that allow technology to function, so it's important to keep that in mind when comparing the two, they're not as different as they seem.

Anyway, let's start by comparing common everyday technology. We'll get to the nukes and rainbow beams later but at the basis of any war effort is the ability to grow food, mine materials and send messages quickly and securely.

While both sides have the ability to do this, ponies do it a LOT better. They have an entire third of their population who make the ground more fertile just by standing next to it for goodness sake! Not to mention that with magic they can get tasks like mining and transport done more quickly than man or machine - and magic doesn't need to be re-fuelled. On top of all that, ponies can send messages via magic - we saw Twilight record a video and transmit it to a screen and there's no reason any talented unicorn couldn't do the same. And of course humans have no way of intercepting magic.

So alright, ponies have the edge in everyday technology/magic - but how about large-scale attacks, how does each side measure up? Well, there are 3 kinds of human weapons that cause the most devastation - nuclear, chemical and biological weapons. Let's start with biological weapons - they only need to hit one person to spread across an entire army. There's just one major issue - they only work against Earthling biology. They may work against some Earth animals, but not all species - they almost certainly wouldn't work on any pony or animal from Equestria.

So chemical then, what can chemical weapons do? Well again, not much. A lot of chemicals are based on Earth biology, it's very unclear whether they'd work on creatures from another world. And beyond that, there's a more obvious problem - ponies have forcefields that can block out sound, heat and pressure, they can teleport away from any weapon instantly, conventional weapons just aren't effective against them, not even chemical ones.

So that leaves one option for humanity - nukes. That could work right - or could it? Well it's hard to deny that nuclear weapons are powerful, just a few hundred of them could render the Earth uninhabitable for years. But that's just the issue. It'd be suicide on the part of humans. Ponies have a home to go back to - humans simply can't afford to risk theirs. A few nukes could be fired, but humanity would reach a point where they had to stop, and then they'd be stuffed. But why? Let's have a look at the pony arsenal and find out.

Ponies are simply miles ahead of us in attack strategies. It seems crazy since you know, they haven't been in a full-on war for centuries - but many of their day-to-day activities involve far more power than our most incredible nuclear weapons. Ponies can unleash floods, tornadoes and any other weather event they see fit. They can fly so fast they break the sound barrier and even charge straight through solid objects or undergo massive physical deformities only to bounce right back to normal immediately afterwards.

Ponies could flood all our major military bases, send winds to tear down our telephone lines, smash their way right through any walls we build. As long as they have their magic, ponies are unstoppable. But how do we know they do have their magic?

I mean, of course they have their magic in their homeland of Equestria, there's no way humans could ever invade them. But what if they invaded Earth - would ponies still have their magic? Would it even be part of our universe's laws? Well, there's a couple of clues - first of all, many "parallel dimensions" have been seen in MLP, and despite them having vastly different laws, they all have magic.

But let's say that they're just dimensions within the wider world of Equestria and that magic doesn't apply on Earth - well, even that doesn't stop the ponies! Why? Let me direct you to the Season 4 finale - all measurable magic was taken from every pony in Equestria by Tirek, and yet the ponies still managed to launch a rainbow beam of friendship and defeat him. How? Because they have a special type of magic - powered by friendship - carried inside them, no matter what rules, laws or enemies they're up against. They just need to stick together, and they can literally win any battle.

So, in conclusion, by a margin of 3 - 2, the winners are the ponies! Now Twilight Sparkle PLEASE take over Earth, you would be way better than any of our current leaders! Heck even Lyra Heartstrings will do!

Comments

[Randomguy12]

“ponies! Now Twilight Sparkle PLEASE take over Earth, you would be way better than any of our current leaders! Heck even Lyra Heartstrings will do!”
You sort of forgot that the earth is literally fucked if we die out.We might be destroying the planet but we’re also the ones keeping alive.Remember every power plant every satellite is going to be shut down after a while.This will basically nuke the entire earth along with falling debris making it inhospitable