Some unfiltered thoughts, flame ponies of darkness, and other things.

I'm in the middle of writing a fic (suprise, suprise; I'm always in the middle of a fic), and it struck me how awful my first ever story on FimFiction was. Honestly, it was absolutely terrible. Let me just go ahead and list my top five of the biggest mistakes any author can make:

QUICK DISCLAIMER: I hate mocking people. Seriously people, don't bully. What follows is a completely unrealistic examples. I do not think anyone actually is the perfect example of any of these. Oh sure, every now and then you think you've found one, but an author loves his work like a mother loves her child. Only psychopaths destroy their stories. After that gruesome analogy, let's begin, remembering no-one actually does any of these, unless it is on purpose.

1. Bad plot that no-one cares to edit. Hey, we all write some bad things sometimes. Being unwilling to edit it, though, is like handing your reader a glass of milk in a cup used for scooping up rotten food with and refusing to clean it, but still insisting they drink it. No one likes botulism. However, if you write something bad but are willing to edit, you are now my best friend in the world except for the ones I know in real life.
FEWER POINTS IF: The plot is an example of number 2.

2. Gratuitous plot; when you write a story for the sole purpose of entertaining yourself and to live out a fantasy. Fantasy's fine, it's why most of us are here. What I dislike is when I have to read someone else's fantasy. I don't want to read something not made for me. I don't want big explosions or heaps of guns because someone else loves them, and I've been unwittingly dragged into their feverish dream that soon becomes my nightmare...
FEWER POINTS IF: The plot is an example of Number 1. See what I did there?

3. Gratuitous characters. Same ol', same ol'. Self inserts, Mary Sues, I-Like-Stews, and Pigeon-Coos. This is a mistake. Just, just don't. Honestly, don't. Don't. It's so important this one is short to grab your attention
FEWER POINTS IF: The Self Insert and the Mary Sue are a combined universe-destroying force. Actually, a story that tells the tale of two ponies literally strong enough to tear the universe apart would rule. Another story added to the "Fics I say I'm writing but I won't for a year" mega-pile.

4. Lists. Ironic, but true. "I went on my computer. I wrote a blog post. No-one read it. I cried myself to sleep." Did you read that? Is it boring? Yes. Don't write stories as though they are shopping instructions.
FEWER POINTS IF: Purple Pony syndrome happens and the story is changed to: "The dashingly handsome colt went on his metal box of writing. The frighteningly striking model hit a keyboard until a post of blogs was written. The air between his ears was the only thing to read it. The absolutely gut-wrenched wreck of a hunk made the face-water into his fluffy soft body-box."

5. All of the above shoved into a blender and shredded until all punctuation dies. Now, I don't mind a few spelling mistakes. One time, a family member happened to read a couple of paragraphs of my work and corrected around five errors in about a minute. That is different to ignoring any indication of this thing all the people on the internet call 'grammar'. Coherent writing at least needs the reader to be able to tell when a sentence ends and why two verbs are wedged between four adjectives.
FEWER POINTS IF: A nice helping of unnecessary number substitution happen5, and a11 y0ur dre4m5 ar3 cru5h3d.

So, with that out of the way, let's analyse my story. Remember, nothing is the ultimate exemplar of any of these tropes. Don't hate on stories because they look deceptively similar to this list. I am exxxagerating. I'm exxxxagerating so much, each exxxxxageration has more 'x's than the last.

Actually, I'll split this into two blogs. This rant goes on way to long for a single post. See you next blog!

Thanks for reading. Word of the post will be held back until next post because I'm diabolical and it's Halloween. BOO!