(RPG-ween) [Review] The Last Story · 2:19pm Oct 20th, 2015
...Oh dear god.
Okay, okay, so it wouldn't be RPG-ween without me suffering at least once. I know I said that I'd review three of my favorite RPGs ever, but then I remembered that there was actually a game that I despise. Could the legends be true?! Me, Kamek, disliking an RPG?! Yes, they are true, because I have never played such a disappointing game in my entire life. Sure, there have been bad games I've played, but nothing has disappointed me more than The Last Story.
I remember playing this game a little while back with my friends and actually really enjoying it. But then I went back about two years later, and I found that there was nothing but a pile of shite. But why was it that my opinions on this game changed so much over the years? Well, get your sleeping bag and headphones, because we're diving into SPOILER TERRITORY!!! This is The Last Story.
So let's talk about the story first, eh? The story is... actually not too bad. It takes many cliche's from other RPGs, don't get me wrong, but for the most part it's pretty forgivable. You play as Zael, a mercenary who strives to be a knight since mercenaries are regarded as villains despite the fact they actually do more good than the knights. He's currently on a mission with his friends Serene, Yurick, and Dagran, the latter of which I absolutely hate. More on that later. Zael finds the secret RPG power that fuels the plot today and the mission is a success! When going back home to the city, Zael meets Lisa, who's hiding away from the guards for doing something bad. She befriends the team, but has to leave, and it's discovered the next day she's actually the princess of the kingdom, Lady Calista! She ran away because she has to marry a horrid man, and she wants to be free and stuff!
Which means yes; she's a tomboy princess. Cue RPG cliche number 17!
Shit goes down, however, when the Gurrak attack! That did not mean to rhyme and I am so sorry... Anyway, they kidnap Calista and Zael confronts Zangurrak (great name, mate), the leader of the Gurrak! He tries to fight him, but Zangurrak ALSO has the secret RPG power that fuels the plot, and thus it's up to Zael to rescue Calista, get arrested, get betrayed, and then get laid. So story-wise, the game isn't terrible, but it isn't anything we've seen before.
Look at this smug asshole, totally NOT a villain BTW. I wouldn't want to marry him either!
Most everything else however is absolute shit. For example, the characters and romance. UGH! I have never met a blander cast of characters in my entire life. Each and every one of them has only one defining character trait: Serene is a drunk, Yurick is mad all the time, and Calista is just stereotypical and "I want to be more but I can't" kinda character, you know the one. But Dagran, holy shit Dagran. I have never met a more miserable, filthy character in my life, and I mean that in a bad way. His character is the blandest of them all, clearly only being there to be the leader. So what am I to care when he takes Zangurrak's power and betrays the team? Exactly. It doesn't help that there is only one facial expression on everyone through the entire game, even in sad moments: default. This RUINS sad moments because there are characters smiling because the developers couldn't make mouths move in this day and age. Wow.
The side characters and villains aren't too good either. Everyone is still bland and forgettable, and when you have to google the name of the main villain, I think this game might be a little unmemorable. There is only one character, however, that I actually like: General Asthar! He's such a badass! Everything he does is either productive and efficient, or advances the plot in a generally (see what I did there) epic way. Everyone else, however, falls flat on their face.
This isn't even touching upon the utterly forced romance between Zael and Calista. Like, I actually vomited once it's so bad (seriously, true story). All their lines make it seem like it was meant to be, and they have NO chemistry together other than "Hey, you look pretty! Let's get married and fuck!". They never argue, they never develop, and they never, ever do ANYTHING. And it frustrates me because of the potential they had for an actually cool relationship. If Calista was a bratty woman who wanted to get away but doesn't know how to make friends (like Lunamon in my story "Digimon: Equestrian Destined"), she could argue with Zael constantly until he does something and they SLOWLY start to fall in love.
But no. We got this romance. It's a sad day when a common story writer such as myself can write better characters than a person who worked on the Final Fantasy series.
DAGRAN!! Dagran! Dagran? DAGRAN?! DAAAAGGRRAAANNN!!!
But this is the winning question: Is the combat good? This is an RPG, and along with the story it has to have its gameplay as well. So, how does it hold up? Well, it's actually not to bad. The secret RPG power of this game comes back with a vengeance! While activating it, enemies will target you and ignore everyone else, allowing others to focus their magic attacks and do other stuff, at the expense of you, of course. Magic is also in this game with an unlimited MP gauge. This can be either viewed as good or bad, but I'll just view it as "Eh" so we can all be on even ground.
Magic does something new, however. The aftermath of a magic attack leaves a magic circle on the ground. If you defuse it, you can further damage your enemies or totally heal your allies. It's a cool system... I just wished it was used more strategically. Sure, you can order your team to fire the spells you want, but it can be slightly awkward to transition back and forth. This is present in most RPGs, even one of my favorites, "Tales of Symphonia". But in any case, your team will be casting spells at random, so just hope that one casts a healing spell.
Your team is predetermined for you, BTW. Sure, you COULD pick different characters for different scenarios, but everything is already chosen for you, with bland dialogue to boot.
The game also includes the ability to use your environment to your advantage. This sounds really cool on paper, and as most of you know I really enjoyed the combat system of "Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance". However, once again, the idea falls flat on its face, which makes me sad. Everything can be really flimsy when attempting to execute your environment attacks, and sometimes even relies on... *sigh*... motion controls. This game is on the Wii, BTW, so always a good sign there. This combined with the heavy controls that makes moving Zael feel stiff, you won't be having much fun.
This can be BRUTAL during boss fights which require you to know these skills, but you're so worn out by this point that you just don't have the patience to do them anymore. It's frustrating to say the least.
But I've saved the best for last. This game is linear. How linear? The hallway returns from Final Fantasy XIII, only it disguises itself as more complex, despite there being only one way in and one way out. You can't escape the hallway, for it chooses everything for you and sets you on the path it wants you to. It never stops, and you never stop. You just keep walking forward. You may find multiple paths which gives you a feeling of choice, but everything eventually connects back... to the hallway. You may a larger area, giving a sense of freedom. But there is only one way in and one way out, meaning you must continue on your path... through the hallway. The hallway shows your path, there is only one way! Hallway is love... Hallway is life...
So yeah, the maps and locations suck.
This is the entire game.
So... What do I think of this game?
Well if it wasn't painfully obvious, I dislike it. Everything is wrong, from the characters to the gameplay to the romance and even the story at some points. The game does have its high points, such as some of the music and General Asthar, but everything else falls flat, and as good as the good things are, they simply can't counter the bad. If you like this game, good for you, you found something you like. But I did not enjoy myself, meaning the reason I liked this game a long time ago was because I was young and stupid.
The Last Story, earns...
3/10
This has been SuperKamek saying thank you, have a good night, and I will never go back to The Last Story unless I'm playing it for a charity like Sick Kids... or if someone pays me LODS OF EMONE!!
Eh. Okay.
3483957
Did you like the game? I'm not faulting you if you do, I just didn't like it all that much.
3483959 Dude I don't care that much for RPGs except for Dragon's Dogma.
3483964
Oh... Well...
3483967 I get the feeling this is freaking you out on the inside.
3483968
This game? Nah, nah, man... I'm... perfectly okay...
3483972 No my opinion.
3483974
I really don't mind what other people play. Even if someone plays and likes freaking Superman 64, I'd be okay with that. Of course, even I have my limits, like if someone says Metroid: Other M is the best Metroid game in the world.
Actually, no, surprisingly enough!
3483986 Why did you... WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?! WHY DO YOU SPEAK THIS LIE?! I'M GOING TO F***ING HANG YOU BY YOUR INTESTINES AFTER I RIP YOUR D*** SPINE OUT!
It did have one of the best Ridley fights though.... and I...... can defend.... the PTSD moment. Consider the fact that last time Samus saw him? Ridley was officially DEAD. Not chance to come back or ANYTHING.
3483990
But it comes out of nowhere! Yes, the moment could have worked really well if we had any warning previously that she was having these feelings about Ridley. But we don't and the moment just feels... awkward. I can still say the combat was really cool in the game, that I can agree with, but it is far from the best Metroid game ever. Super Metroid and Metroid Prime are probably the best in a standpoint of popularity and just... good...ness...?
And of course, we can't forget about... the baby.
3484000 Okay I'm sorry.... did you even READ the Manga? That shit's been brewing in her since she was a KID.
3484002
Oh boy, here we go... I really dislike it when people use that as an excuse. The whole point of a franchise is to cater to EVERYONE in the franchise, even the people who haven't read or played everything. Yes, the game follows the manga, but no other game does, and it just feels weird for people like me who haven't even touched the books.
Besides, at least one warning in the game would have been nice for people like me.
3484009 Okay so I can't use fucking canon as a base for my arguement. That's fucking adorable. WOW. You are so thickheaded about that moment it's embarrassing.
3484016
What the fuck was that for?! Why the hell did you insult me?!
3484070 Because I'm tired of being called an idiot when I use facts by people who don't want to accept something because it's easier.
Ugh, RPG's on the Wii tend to be... not very good.
I can really only think of one that's actually GOOD, and that's Xenoblade Chronicles.
On a separate note, have you perchance played/heard of Blue Dragon for the 360?
3484072
So you think the best way to solve everything is to call me thickheaded, hmm? And why, because I didn't read the manga? Because I wanted something that caters to people who haven't read the manga and have probably never heard of it in their entire lives?
3484078
OMG, Xenoblade was fantastic! Are you excited for Xenoblade X?
3484082 Okay fine I'm the moron then. All hail the righteous SuperKamek for he can do no wrong when it comes to insulting a scene that someone else doesn't mind yet people will rip apart.
3484087
Why are you doing this? What do you have to prove? That everything you say is right? And if anyone says anything against it, you freak out and insult them. You're acting like a child, but I don't want to treat you like one. Please stop this trivial nonsense before I have to do something about it.
I don't want this to end badly for the both of us.
3484072
Look, I REALLY don't want to get involved in someone else's argument, but he didn't insult you. He's merely stating his opinion on the game. Not the associated book, JUST the game.
In his opinion (as well as mine), such an important plot point should have been put IN the game, instead of OUTSIDE of it in something extra that not everyone playing the game would have or even know about. It causes a disjunct between the game and the player when something like that SEEMS to come completely out of nowhere. While it may be canon, the player doesn't know that; in my opinion, that's poor writing.
But just because we have a different opinion from you doesn't make either opinion wrong; they are OPINIONS. So let's calm down, act like rational adults (or teenagers), and come to a conclusion that we can ALL agree on: Metroid: Other M is kiiiiiiiiiiiiinda shitty.
3484102 Fine. I'm in the wrong about this game. Like I always am when I mention that scene. Kamek wins. Hope he's happy about it.
3484084
*sigh*
Unfortunately, I don't have a Wii U... nor the money to fix that issue. College isn't exactly cheap...
3484103
Nobody is wrong. That's what's so great about opinions; everyone is always right.
3484110
I hear you, man, same with me. Well, I hope college goes good for you!
3484103
I understand it's your opinion, but you should also understand other people's opinions. And don't say I don't get your opinion, because I do. You like the scene, and that's okay. But have you ever wondered why no one else likes the scene?
It's because, canon books or not, the game needed build-up to the scene in order to make sense. You have to understand there are people who haven't read the books and don't know about Samus's PTSD. Those people know her only as a badass woman who beats aliens up because she can, and that's awesome!
Basically, your saying that anyone who hasn't read the manga is thickheaded, and I will not stand for that kind of behavior.
I'm not saying change you opinion, because your opinion is fine and that's okay! Just please accept there are other types of fans out there than the hardcore ones who've read every book and have played every game.
3484122 Wait..... Oh no no! I meant if you HAVE then you are. If you haven't it's understandable! Whoops.
3484255
If I have what?
3485053 Read the Manga.
Have you ever played the 3DS title Fantasy Life
3486096
No, unfortunately, I haven't.
Ugh...This game really does tend to leave a bad taste for those who own a Wii. Though its combat system is okay you are right about everything else. The 'Tales of' games do about the same thing, but better. Speaking of it I'm guessing you might be reviewing the one you mentioned?
3489860
Tales or Kingdom Hearts?