Past Sins: Prelude · 3:22pm Sep 3rd, 2015
A summary and reaction to Past Sins Prelude: Resurrection
Summary:
Spell Nexus, leader of a cult dedicated to Nightmare Moon, gathers his followers and leads them in ritual in the heart of the Everfree forest, a ritual which will resurrect Nightmare Moon. As part of the spell they kidnap Twilight Sparkle, taking some of her blood and adding it to Nightmare Moon's remains and their own magic. Before the spell can be completed, however, they are interrupted by Celestia and a battalion of royal guards. The Cultists scatter into the Everfree Forest, the guards giving pursuit while Celestia watches over her pupil.
When everypony has left, however, the magic sphere resumes it's work, coalescing into a heartbeat...
Reaction:
Confession: I glanced at that picture very quickly, and assumed it was Woona. In my defence, this is a story about Nightmare Moon, and I was more interested in the text, but... yeah. My bad.
I am rather curious about why that picture was chosen to represent the chapter, however. Perhaps the sphere (which I'm gonna take a wild guess contains Nyx) would be too difficult to make out in black and white? Either way, it certainly contributes to a very somber mood to begin things on.
(Though I am slightly -and irrationally- bothered by the fact that the picture has a crescent moon, when the text and the ritual specify it is a full moon)
The story itself is moving at a much quicker pace than I had expected it too. Considering the 200K word count, I assumed the ritual that results in Nyx wouldn't happen until at least until the second chapter. True, Nyx herself hasn't appeared yet... but I thought it would be a while until that happened, with a focus on Twilight in the interim. Instead, the chapter opens with Twilight having been captured off-screen.
I have to admit, it's a little... odd to me to see one of the main characters of the show -and judging from the cover picture, the story- dealt with so offhandedly. Again, looking at this, I would have assumed the first chapter would have been from Twilight's PoV, building up to her capture. Instead, we focus on Spell Nexus.
Given the age of this story, I suspect Spell Nexus is one of the original OC's of the brony community. His introduction kind of feels like it; his approaching (and threatening) Twilight, not to mention being a servant of Nightmare Moon and wanting her to return sounds like a set-up that's been used a lot since then. It isn't a complaint -quite the opposite, if people read this and it inspired their own OC's, that's a pretty big compliment- but I think looking at it now, it does lose a bit of the shock and power that it might have had when it was more one of a kind.
However, I do think he's written well, for what we see of him. The text says that his voice is one that has been used for preaching, and later he refers to Night Wind's turquoise eyes as a sign of enlightenment. The group comes across as a genuine cult, rather than having that word used to invoke a particular image or emotion in the reader.
Personally, I think it'd kind of funny that he's a cult leader, since -obviously- I'm reading this Post-Season Five, and after the introduction of Best Villain (Starlight Glimmer). The Equalists often get referred to as being Cult-like in their behavior... but I think that the fact that Nexus' group (or at least Nexus himself) seem to genuinely revere Nightmare Moon as a religious figure makes an important difference.
The ritual itself was well-done, continuing that same mix of magic spell and religious fever. Using the blood of the Element of Magic to aid in Nightmare Moon's return reminded me a lot of Voldemort's use of Harry at the end of Goblet of Fire; it makes me wonder if Twilight was "chosen" because she was necessary, or if it was a poetic choice. The Elements already failed to destroy her -and again, the paper-like remains seem very reminiscent of Voldemort- so is taking the blood of Twilight Sparkle a way to make sure the Elements can't harm her period? For that matter, since they used the blood of the Element of Magic, might that have enhanced the new Nightmare Moon's abilities?
And I loved Celestia's arrival. It's spoiled a little (in my opinion) by the semi-cartoons shouts of the guards for everyone to freeze, but it's still a cool moment. I kind of wish it had lasted a little longer before Nexus bolted -as it is, it seems very quick- but considering she beats anypony who even tries to fight her, it makes sense for him to cut his losses. Still, the rapid turn around contributes to the bizarrely quick pace I get from this fic.
Given Nexus escape, I'm sure he'll return eventually, probably as the main villain of the story; I get the impression from the cover that Nightmare Moon is meant to be more tragic than "THE NIGHT SHALL LAST FOREVER" this time around.
One of the first questions I had for this was "Why is this a prelude". I'm still a little confused why it's called that, rather than a prologue... but I'm going to make a guess -which might amuse those of you who have read ahead- and assume that the next chapter has a radically different tone and point-of-view character. My guess is the main PoV for a while will be Twilight, to build up the question of whether or not Nyx is good or evil... but given how this chapter ends, I suppose it could kick off with Nyx herself, wandering out of the Everfree.
Overall... it was an okay introduction. Some of the elements of it have aged a lot - never before seen spells, Nightmare Moon fanfilly's, a male OC with an unusual pony name - but that's in part because the fandom has reused so many of those elements over the years. I do think it was a little too fast for my liking; it feels like the action keeps it hoof on the accelerator and just keeps going, but it seems like pretty much every other chapter is longer. This chapter has set up Nyx's creation, made a link between her and Twilight, and introduced what-I-assume-to-be the story's Big Bad. Now that we have those elements established, I'm hoping that things slow down a little bit and delve more into the details and consequences of this.
Random observations:
There was a cape, midnight blue in color, with white stars all across its surface that billowed as it moved through the air.
When I read this line, I immediately thought of Trixie's cape. It might not be the same design, but considering the cover art makes it seem she (or at least her hat) is scheduled to make an appearance, I wonder if she is, or was, involved in the cult somehow. Trixie does get related to Luna a lot in the fandom (thanks in part to the Lunaverse) and frankly, if there is a pony who is arrogant enough to wear/steal religious vestments for vanity it's probably Trixie.
Nexus spoke the words slowly with a voice that carried the tone of a pony well practiced in preaching, whose words could inspire loyalty and devotion. It was a voice that had drawn great minds and strong bodies to the cause
Such eyes were a sign of the order, a blessing that granted not just their majesty’s regal turquoise eye color, but also enlightenment.
It might just be a sign of his persuasive ability, but it makes me think of Saurman's voice from the Lord of the Rings, and the magical quality it held over people. Consequently, it make's me wonder whether Night Wind's eye color is entirely natural, or if it's intended as foreshadowing that something magical is going on.
There's not a lot I can say at this point without spoilers, except perhaps that you're finding Spell Nexus more interesting than I did at this point. Note that "Version 2" right at the start. As you say, Past Sins does show its age at times, and you can expect that to continue on and off. This story was originally written before S2, and from time to time as you read you may notice some places where the narrative seems a bit awkward. I suspect that's where the editing was done.