but I realized that I may as well share it here just for those interested. Whether I'll start writing here again remains to be seen (I'm not going to force myself to write something I'm not currently interested in), but I've finally started taking a hammer to that wall that keeps me from working on creative pursuits in my life.
Aug
21st
2015
Bipolar Disorder.... · 2:45am Aug 21st, 2015
So....anyone who read my bio knows I have Bipolar Disorder....
Well, today was the epitome of that.
Ups and downs and all arounds of emotions, constantly going back to the things/people that upset me the moment I calm down, mood message/avatar on Skype constantly changed because of it just to show it....
I don't know why some days it seems like my pills just don't work. I don't want to be actual me, I want to be calm, emotionally suppressed me!
And that, my friends, is a large reason as to why I got no writing done today.
The other is the same reason as always...I'm too lazy.
I've got depression, social anxiety, agoraphobia, and PTSD so I can kind of relate. :/
Sometimes you've just got to take things easy. :) There is nothing wrong with that.
3335941 Chronic Depression Disorder? Or do you just have depression?.
Either way it's bad.....
I'm not even going to ask what gave you PTSD. That'd be nosy and counter-productive to you.
I had to google 'agoraphobia' even though it sounded familiar.
Yeah I've struggled with Bipolar all my life. Today was a really good day compared to how I used to be. I'm just not used to struggling so much with Bipolar anymore.
3335948 Yeah, I have chronic depression. A lot of these illnesses are hereditary (my biological father who I haven't seen since age five had manic depression and social anxiety). I got the other stuff along the way because I grew up in an abusive household and have been dealing with the aftermath of that for many years after I have left. I've also suffered abuse at most levels of school and at the workforce which gave me some serious trust issues.
Oh, so that's why you just stopped talking earlier! I hope you're feeling better now.
3335953 ....didn't think you'd want to talk about that.
I'm guessing it's been many years since all the hardships, huh?
I can't say that I had it that bad. Though if I didn't have such great parents during my struggle, I probably wouldn't be here to type this message to you, and instead would be in the fiery pits of hell.
3335956 Well actually, I did message you and you didn't respond, but it was kind of a conversation ender so i figured you were just done talking.
But yeah, I am feeling better now. Bipolar and all.
3335975 It's been tough to deal with since I am still kind of dealing with one particular person from the ordeal, but I am definitely a lot better than when I first left. It is kind of a long complicated story so I won't get into it here.
My mom is that person for me. Despite what I have gone through, she has always been here for me. We have been each other's support through the hard times of leaving the house and all that. :) And she understands my various problems (having gone through the same things with her two husbands) so at least I have one family member I can rely on.
3335978 Oh! I missed that. My school's wifi sucks.
3335995 XD you were at school when we talked?
3335999 Yeah, you caught me at lunch.
3335991 Oh, well it's good you have her
I'm just glad a lot of my life and my spiritual maturity grew and got better BEFORE my parent's issues came to the forefront...because the most complicated divorce ever isn't easy to deal with. I'm just glad I'm older than 16.
3336001 ...what timezone are you in? We were talking at 2pm, if I recall correctly.
Oh. I just checked your skype. That explains it.
3336005 Whatever the west side of the U.S. is. I think it's General Mountain Time or something? It was noon for me.
3336004 Yeah, I was also older when I left (mostly because I was very controlled which is a story in itself). But it also meant I was more mature. So I was able to process things better.
3336009 yeah I just checked skype to see your time. 2 hours behind me. It's almost midnight here.
3336011 I totally know what you mean. Different circumstances, but similar outcomes (I think).
Actually, forget anything I said. It's midnight and I took a meletonen over a half hour ago. XD
3336016 Nothing really puts me to sleep except for caffeine because I'm allergic to it and it kind of has the opposite effect. :S But I also get sick if I eat caffeine or chocolate and it's like the world spins and I'm glued to the toilet. Sooooo.....I think I will stick with counting sheep. Or listening to ASMR videos. :S
3336026 ooooh you know of some ASMR videos? Can you send them to me, please? I've been stuck with rereading these 2 chapters of 2 different pony fanfictions over and over for that and it's lost it's effect.
Oh, and my internet is shutting off in 6 minutes, so gnight! XD
3336028 Sure. My favorite channels are these ones.
Brittany ASMR: https://www.youtube.com/user/BrittanyASMR
Fast ASMR: https://www.youtube.com/user/fastASMR
ASMR Destiny: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz91XLkPIML8diJOvIiw9kA
3336035 Thanks! We should chat in PMs sometime.
3336039 I'm always available to talk on the messenger. :S Sounds like good times.
I am of very disappoint.
3338139 ???