Emptiness · 1:53am Jul 29th, 2012
First, I would like to start by warning most off by saying this post had no meaning whatsoever. It is merely a post to vent, and nothing more. Though I am usually reluctant to voice my problems over the internet because that would make me seem like an attention whoring bastard, I feel as though there is no other way to deal with my present problems than to blatantly state them to the world (or rather, the eight people who are watching me).
I have tried facing my problems head-on, but soon realized that they are completely out of my hands, I am only here to witness the outcomes and nothing more. I have tried talking about it, but the great irony is that one of my problems involves the absence of the one person I could really vent to without any repercussions. And I have tried to bury myself in just about anything to distract myself from them, but always found that they worsened when I did so. So, here I am. Stating them as I see them. I can only hope that forming these events into simple words would help me better understand them, rather than just experiencing the problems and not reflecting upon them at all.
My first problem is the problem that has caused this spiral of noticing all of my others problems. My closest friend, or rather, my only friend seeing as he was just about the only person I hung out with all summer, is moving away. In three days, nonetheless. I know that this alone is a rather menial subject to begin with, but it had opened my eyes to the fact that without this one friend, I would have no one to talk with about ANY subject really.
He was a brony, he had a wonderful sense of humor and would understand even the most obscure jokes I made, we both had similar upbringings and understood how both of our families were, he was by far the greatest friend I have ever had. And now, he is leaving. The possibility that we will drift away from one another and forget the wonderful times we have shared is very high. The chance we will see each other again is so small, I might not even bother, and the money it would take to travel to his home, or he to return here, is way too much for either of our budgets.
So basically, I've just lost my only true friend. I don't know how I will deal with people in school, everyday crappy occurrences, or really life, without his humor and company to cheer me up. The very thought of being alone again, it just... I cannot even find the right words. I don't like it. I'll just say that.
I know it is extremely un-thoughtful and downright stupid to try and avoid something solely because you don't like it, but I feel like I'm losing a major part of my very life. He was just a really good friend, something you just can't find everyday, it being even more rare in my case. I've gone a chunk of my life as a lonely, friendless grunt who sits in the corner already; I really don't want to visit that section of life again.
So that sums up really my first and major problem. I was going to talk about some other stuff, but it's all pretty much dwarfed by the weight this has on me right now. If you care to help, maybe you could just say "hi". Or maybe it would be better for someone to just say "Shut the fuck up, man up, and deal with your problems like a man you bitch!" I really don't know what would be better, maybe the second one. All I know is that I need to hear it from someone else for once...
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Thanks man. I appreciate it.