I think I've figured out why I'm struggling to write/hate stuff I write · 11:16pm Jun 12th, 2015
I mean, other than the stupid, crippling depression that makes me want to tear my own skin off.
The stuff I'm currently writing isn't first person.
I've always felt more comfortable writing a streaming river of consciouness and thoughts instead of trying to explain what's happening through multiple characters. I think the only thing I hold back on when writing a first person Discord is I swear a lot more IRL.
I know what it's like to love and hate intensely, to fear being abandoned, to be numb, to be driven by a force that insists I do stupid things that feel good (it is SO hard to explain this one to people. The only thing I can think to describe it as is a natural high that makes you feel like an invincible god), to struggle with social mores, to love humour but also mask pain with humour, to be an outcast yet also realize part of that is because I'm an asshole. I try not to be, but I am. And sometimes I like it.
But though I do relate to aspects of the Mane Six (I have Fluttershy's love of zoology and Twilight's drive to learn things) I cannot write them in the same way I can write a mad trickster god who acts like a hummingbird on speed then crashes and burns.
Hmm. Interesting that you find the first person easier to write considering I actually find first person a lot harder to write than third person. Different people, different styles I guess.
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I think part of it is I used to keep a livejournal for years and update it daily, so I was used to that kind of writing style. It was very free flowing, and I would rant a lot.
But it's also because using "I" when writing Discord isn't something I struggle with because I can get into that mindset very, very easily.
Though I enjoyed the character (and Q) from The Return of Harmony, it wasn't until season 4 that his character really began to resonate with me because he begins to struggle with the idea of self. I've always enjoyed Trickster tales, but Discord is one of the most fully realized characters from that trope on television, and though I'm pretty certain his character is not meant to be mentally ill, I find it very easy to relate to him because a lot of his behaviour mirrors my own. Minus the phenomenal cosmic powers. Actually it's probably a good thing that I don't have those.
Sometimes you gotta write what you can write. I find first person helps me when I get stuck on a scene. It can always be revised to third person later if needed.
And if this leads to more stuff like With Teeth, that wouldn't be bad!
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I found Wanderlust, Still Remains and With Teeth far easier to write than all my other stories. May have to do more first person stuff. Struggling otherwise.