Not writing this story in order... · 1:24pm Jun 12th, 2015
...So here's an excerpt from what is the sixth or seventh chapter (entitled I Hung my Head after song of the same name. Yes I have a habit of naming chapters after songs I listen to when I write if they seem appropriate). I suppose being in a self-loathing mood meant working on this chapter took precedence over any other too.
Don't look past the cut if you'd rather not spoil it that far ahead.
Discord looked even scruffier than usual, if that was possible. His mane stuck out in tufts, his feathers and fur looked unkempt. He looked like he hadn't slept for days. He sported an equally bedraggled bathrobe
Starswirl took one look at the draconequus's tired, red eyes and dishevelled form and instantly formed an opinion.
"You're in love with her," he said.
"In love with who?" said Discord, trying to force an innocent grin.
Starswirl sighed. Discord could be a terrible liar for a trickster.
"With Fluttershy."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"You want to explain to me why we haven't heard from you for days then? Why Fluttershy came back alone and said that you needed some time to yourself?"
Discord's heart ached. Even now she was looking out for him. It just made him want her more. Her kindness felt like a drug. He almost wished she had been cruel to him, it might be easier to bear.
"I'm not in love."
"Please! You admitted before this project started that she didn't feel the same way about you. What was I supposed to glean from that?"
"Maybe I overestimated my feelings."
"From what I can see, you seem to have underestimated them. When was the last time you had a shower?"
"What's the point? Being clean is a pointless excercise if everyone hates you anyway."
"You can't let yourself go down this hole, Discord. Your friends need you."
"Do they? Because they seem to be getting on just fine without me."
"You know that's not true..."
"Yes it is! Especially now that Mr. Wonderful has come onto the scene." The vicious, bitter tone in Discord's voice got rid of any doubt Starswirl had with regards to his feelings about Fluttershy. "I wouldn't be surprised if Twilight and Fluttershy hate my guts."
"Oh come now! You know that's not true!"
Discord turned so that his back was to Starswirl. His voice went very quiet.
"And it's what I deserve. I can't do anything right, and it's not like it's even completely unintentional because I thrive on doing the wrong thing, so it's all my fault, and I know it's my fault. Because it's true. I am unlovable."
"Discord..."
"I. Am. Unlovable. There, I said it."
Discord turned to face Starswirl again, and the unicorn was surprised to see that the chao god's eyes were wet. There was also a wild, pained look in them.
"Why is it so easy for everyone to deal with this crap if this is what everyone goes through?"
"I don't understand what you mean."
"I'm not sure I do either, but apparently you all go through your lives loving someone who doesn't love you back."
"Well, yes we've all been there."
"Then explain to me what I'm supposed to do to make this awful feeling go away?"
"There's not much you can do. The only cure is time."
"Is that it?" snapped Discord.
"Is what it?"
"Time? That's all? Well, I've got all the time the world. And then what happens after that? More being unloved? And after that? Shall I just set up real estate in the Land of the Unlovable?"
Starswirl tried to keep calm. Trying to talk to Discord about this was like trying to comfort a teenage filly who had just been dumped by her first love, only Discord was much more passive-aggressive about the whole thing. He was clearly hurting, but was completely impervious to any advice given to him.
"You don't get it.," said Discord, picking at a loose thread on his bathrobe with his talon. "I thought...I thought she felt the same way about me for one amazing moment. She felt good. Being around her felt good. I let my guard down, I thought it was safe to let my guard down because I thought I had proof she loved me. I made the mistake of thinking someone could actually do that again, because I'm an idiot. The whole time it was him. There's no way I can fix this. I no longer want to do the project."
Starswirl swivelled to look at him. "You can't quit! We need you on this project! You're the brains behind it all!"
"Right. You want me around when you need something, but when I need something who gives a flank, right?"
"It's not like that..."
"Oh, but it is."
"What if there's a threat to Equestria? What if your friends struggle to cope with it because the information they need isn't there?"
"So let them," said Discord. He was now laying down on the couch, and facing away from Starswirl.
Starswirl visibly paled. "You can't mean that."
"Can't I?" came the low, dangerous growl. "It's all I've known. Maybe someone else can enjoy it for a change."
Now it was Starswirl's turn to feel furious.
"You'd just abandon your friends like that? Because someone doesn't return your romantic attentions?"
"They abandoned me first."
"No! They didn't Discord. They're still there for you. You just refuse to see that."
A haughty snort was Discord's only response.
Before he could stop himself Starswirl growled "Twilight was right, you are selfish."
Discord turned to look at him, a look of shock on his face, then his expression changed to that of resignation. Without even trying, Starswirl realized he had just vindicated some of Discord's fears.
Oh, bum.
"Fine," said Discord, rolling over again. "I'm selfish."
The tension in the room made Starswirl feel as if he had overstayed his welcome, but he decided to try once more.
"Discord...we..."
"Just go," came the snarl. "Before I do something I'll regret."
Starswirl shook his head. He was pretty sure Discord already had.
Starswirl arrived back at the castle at dusk. He walked up the stairs to the library with a heavy heart. Twilight and Spike were rearranging leatherbound tomes as he entered the room.
"Twilight, it's time I told you everything."
Agggh! I want to know what Starswirl means by "tell Twilight everything."
I have to wait several chapters for it! Oh well, I'm sure it will be worth it.
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Hopefully you'll find it is! I worry that my writing is getting stiff.
Digging it.
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Thanks. :)