"(The Cynical Brony would get arrested for) Complaining about other people's opinions in a coffee shop and ending up slapping the shit out of someone. 
" -The Hat Mann
A totally relavent review of a four year old laughing stock of a game after two years of no reviews from me. This'll go great.
Well, I'm about halfway through Unity's main questline, completed the DLC, and have reached the maximum level, so I think it's fair to give a review.
On the first day of Christmas,
I forgot to write the special! Fuck!
Well, that's my bad. I'll try to come up with something before the end of the day, but regardless, Merry Christmas!
Honor the tradition. Put a skeleton in your avatar for Halloween!
I remember when this story was brand new. I remember just how angry I was at the author for even thinking it was a good idea, even telling him to go to Hell for it. It's been a long time since I've thought about this story, and here it is again. I wasn't even looking for it! This was the first story I ever read on the site that I hated, and it's suddenly presented itself to me once more. Review coming soon.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Care for a collaboration? Or a cameo in the review?
3129897 Sure, I'm up for a collaboration.
3129901 Then let us lay waste to this story. Also...um...you do know about the big plot twist at the end of the "movie" right? Because that's basically impacted the show a lot...including this one.
3129903 Well, I need about an hour before we begin. Also, we need to decide what style this is going to be in. Riff or review?
3129921 Review. Last time we did it my way, now we do it your way.
3129921 I just read it. What was that!? Some sociopath's revision of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame!? No. No. It doesn't even deserve to be compared to Hunchback. It doesn't even deserve to be compared to Tommy Wissau's The Room!
3129935 Correction: That was some sociopath's version of My Little Dashie.
3129935 Also, considering how (mercifully) short the story is, I might have to review a couple other stories to make it a longer review.
3129950 I've got the first few lines down. Also...BEWARE SPOILERS!
Sorcerer: Hm...the world is mine. My plaything. I'm invincible! Pretty much. NOTHING CAN STOP M-
Nighty: Sorcerer, there's someone here to see you.
Sorcerer: Send him in. Can't be anyone important.
(Cynical barges in Wheatley Castle Throne Room guns blazing and points his guns at Sorcerer.)
Nighty: Actually, he's already here.
Sorcerer: Cynical!
Cynical: Sorcerer!
Sorcerer: Cynical!
Cynical: Sorcerer!
Sorcerer: Cynnniccalllllllll....
Cynical: Sorcererrrrrrrr....
Both: IT'S ON!
Sorcerer: ON TO DEATH!
Cynical: ON TO VICTORY!
Nighty: Would you two stop reenacting Kid Icarus and get to the battle part?
Sorcerer: Oh. So...whaddya want?
3129959 My lines:
Well, a few things. First off, congratulations on beating the four idiots. Second, if you're king of Equestria now, we're going to have to establish a few things. What's going to happen to the trade between the rulers and the mob?
3129966 Um...the economy is dead. Due to Sorcerer's ability to have a "Deadpool-like make things out of thin air," thing, he basically ended world hunger and does pretty much whatever the heck he wants. Celestia is dead, Luna is currently being possessed by Nightmare, Cadence is imprisioned and Twilight is being forced to read terrible fanfics. Sorcerer won. And that's precisely why Cynical came.
Just to clear that up!
3129966 My lines
Sorcerer: Don't you know? Economy is DEAD! I can create things out of thin air for free, there's no more use for currency or trade.
3129972 I know, which was leading me to the next line:
Oh that's right, you put me out of a job! If I don't have resources, I can't get my revenge on those who ruined my life! You of all people should know not to get between someone's plans for revenge! I honestly don't care what you do with the princesses, but DEMAND that you reinstate the economy! You're ruining everything I've spent the last 20 years of my life trying to achieve!
3129992 Okay. Moving to PM.
3129995 Okay!
I'm not sure which I hate more, that people have no justification for writing a fic like that, or that they try to come up with BS ones like "well it's not like I'm hiding what it is," "you don't have to read it if you don't want to," or "it's a free country, I can write what I want" (notice that none of those are actual justifications). The fact of the matter is just because something does exist, that doesn't mean it's justified to exist on account of its existence. Just because I know that Michael Bay is an idiotic manchild, it doesn't make it any easier for me to accept that the Transformers movies exist, because films that bad shouldn't be made in the first place.
3130155 Okay, guilty pleasure time. I like the first and fourth Transformer movies.
3130159
I haven't seen the fourth Transformers movie (though it did sound like it was quite fun in its insanity and lack of Shia Labeouf), but I actually do like the first Transformers movie too. It's... just kind of exactly what you would expect out of a Transformers movie at the very best, at least one directed by Michael Bay.
I'm afraid to even ask what this story was about
3130220 An abusive, sadistic asshole being that dad from My Little Dashie.
3130223 Was there any point to it? Did Dash get revenge or escape or something? Or is it basically like a snuff film?
3130248 Half way through, no signs of that so far. Just her getting the shit beat out of her.
3130248 I finished it. She doesn't escape. It shows an attempt that ends with her getting her legs and wings cut off, and implying that the guy is going to murder her at the end. FUCK. THIS. STORY.
3130311 Okay, I can deal with intense stuff in a story, hell I've even got an idea for a story about an abused foal whose been beaten, lied to, and hidden away his entire life, but only if it serves for a plot. This sounds like nothing more than a sadistic snuff film. Abuse and mutilation needs to be handled delicately and needs to serve a purpose. it needs to further the plot, not be the plot in and of itself.
3130329
When you make the Reek story-thread from A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones look like a vital component of its story in comparison to your own, then you done bucked up!
3130467 Good God, the last thing we need in the MLP fanfiction is a George R.R. Martin
3130579
Too late.
th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/341/1/c/game_of_thronies_comic_by_pixelkitties-d6x1wy3.png
3130787 Martin/Mareton: the killer of all our hopes and joys. Survives on the tears of of his readers and a tub of lard.
3130801
He ruins everything, including Christmas.
3130824 I'm making a prediction right now: the series will end with the White Walkers killing literally EVERYONE. No one survives, no one is happy. Except Martin.
But I swear, if Tyrion dies, I riot.