PLS HALP MEH

Semester exams are almost here, I have multiple assignments that are due on the same day simultaneously and I haven't even started on any of these. And what's worse?

MY COFFEE MACHINE'S BROKEN

PLEASE SEND HELP I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT MY CAFFEINE

(Translation: Won't be writing for a while. Might finally crawl out of this alive in 2-3 weeks.)

~ Wolfram Alpha

Comments

[Silver Chord]

Maybe I can help? Look, I know what it's like when you lose your daily dose of caffeine, and I know that the results aren't pretty. Give me a shout.

[Wolfram Alpha]

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A fellow user who sympathizes to my cause. If you can, please channel a portion your caffeine powers through the Internet so I can harvest some because it seems that I'm slowwiinggg doooowwwwww-

--Alert! Battery less than 2%. Initiating Rest Mode. Please charge your Wolfram Alpha for continued use--

[Silver Chord]

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Silver Chord: [Stares blankly at Wolfram before turning to Pinkie Pie.] Pinkie, it is time to commence... [Stares intensely at reader through computer screen.] Operation: Awaken!

Pinkie Pie: Okie dokie lokie! [Disappears in a pink cloud before reappearing with a pot of coffee. She is wearing a ninja outfit with Boneless as her 'sword.'] Ready for caffeine transfer!

Silver Chord: Okay... [Wears a white lab coat with safety goggles. He takes the pot of coffee from Pinkie's hooves before careful pouring it into a funnel, which is inserted into an open slot inWolfram's 'fuel tank.' He then throws the pot of coffee away once it's empty before zooming into a nuclear fallout shelter.] Stand back, everypony!

[Wolfram Alpha]

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--Alert! Battery less than 1%! Countdown to Shut Down mode initiated--

--Warning! Shut Down mode will result in the complete loss of Wolfram Alpha! Please charge your Wolfram Alpha to-

Charging...

Charging...

--Full charge! Please unplug Wolfram from fuel source now--

--Warning! Generators are overcharged. Please unplug Wolfram from fuel source now--

--Alert! System Overload imminent! Recommended course of action: redirect or cut off the energy source to-

--CODE RED. WOLFRAM HAS BEEN COMPROMISED. POWER LEVELS ARE ABOVE 9000. EVACUATE THE VICINITY. I REPEAT, EVACUATE THE-

Hello

[Silver Chord]

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Pinkie Pie: Hello!

Silver Chord: [Is still hiding in bunker.] Pinkie... Tread carefully.

[Wolfram Alpha]

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I AM WOLFRAM, DEVOURER OF SOULS. WHO DARES CHALLENGE MY NEWFOUND POWER?

Pinkie: Ooh, I didn't know it was Nightmare Night already!

WHAT?

Pinkie: Duh, isn't it obvious? You're all dressed up in a costume! Here, let me get some candy for you. You deserved it!

THIS IS NO COSTUME, YOU FOOL! FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, FEEL MY WRA- holy shit are those full sized Snickers? Nevermind Pinkie, we're good. NOW AS I GOBBLE ON THESE DELICACIES, PLEASE DIRECT ME TO THE NEAREST TOWN SO I CAN DEVOUR SOULS.

Pinkie: Well, there's this guy that's hiding out in a bunker just behind me.

UGH. HE REEKS OF AN UNKNOWN STENCH. VERY WELL, HE'LL DO.

Pinkie: Cool! Can I join?

I HAVEN'T KILLED YOU YET. WHY NOT?

Pinkie: Hooray!

[Silver Chord]

Silver Chord: [A bright light erupts from the bunker, leaving Silver Chord with a golden fiddle and the wings of an angel.] Try me! I beat the Devil, so I can beat you!

[Wolfram Alpha]

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YOU CHALLENGE *OM NOM NOM* ME, ANGEL WITH AN UNKNOWN SMELL? I WILL *OM NOM NOM* DEVOUR YOUR SOUL! *OM NOM NOM*. Aw jeez, these Snickers really get in your teeth. JUST HOLD ON A SEC, I'LL DEVOUR YOU AS SOON AS I'M DONE WITH MY CANDY.

Pinkie: Let me help!

GET YOUR UNSANITARY HOOVES OUT OF MY MOUTH YOU WENCH! I CAN PICK MY OWN TEETH!

What is even happening this started out as a post about lack of coffee and now we're having a full out battle that's being delayed by sweets.

[Silver Chord]

(I know, but it seems that Pinkie Pie is enjoying herself.)

Silver Chord: [Stares blankly at the spectacle.] Pinkie... Please keep him distracted while I jam out.

[Wolfram Alpha]

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*This post is the classic representation of the Internet*