Follower Reviews: chaotickindness' Brave · 12:31am May 22nd, 2015
I'm bored out of my cotton picking mind, so I'm going to do another review to preserve my sanity. Weeee!
This one is for a sister in the faith, chaotickindness (whose username I just adore btw). I've been meaning to read her stories for ages, but yeah, I'm lazy and forgot. It ends today, however! I sat down and read this and . . . it's soooo cute! 
You must read it and I will tell you why.
Let's start with mechanics again. Wowza, chaotickindness has some awesome mechanics! It's so beautiful, I want to cry. Take notes, because this is how mechanics ought to look. Clean, professional, punctuation in just the right places, and a natural flow that just makes me want to hug her. This is much better than any of the peer-written fics I had to read in my college level creative writing course. Good job, you've earned my vote of confidence!
The only thing that bugged me from a mechanics standpoint was the use of all caps sentences. It's not even "wrong" per-say, but I don't exactly enjoy that stylistic choice. I'd prefer to have just one word capitalized if there is capitalization. We get enough emphasis with the exclamation point that the capital letters seem a touch over-the-top. But yeah, a minor nitpick.
Er, other points that I think came down to the stupid internet formatting not the author. Places where an em dash (long dash) should be used were marked with a --. Because she did this, I know she understands the rule, but the formatting's making it tricky. The internet's a booger about that, and I myself had trouble with inserting them until my buddy showed me. To get an em dash you need to hold down the alt key while typing 0151 and releasing (release your right hand after each number but keep holding alt until you're done typing). That will summon our illusive friend from his hiding place.
So, in case you're wondering what an em dash is, it's this: —
"You're . . . a lot braver than you get credit for, Flutters," he said finally. "Any other pony would've ran away and hid before I could snap my fingers once—twice, tops."
Lands, that's such a minor nitpick, I'm embarrassing myself. 
Quit being so awesome, chaotickindness! It's hard to find anything to review . . .
All right, anywho, moving on to bigger and better things.
This story. No words, no words guys and gals. It's that cute. The story follows Discord as he runs into Fluttershy helping her bear friend out and tries to "save her." After a little while, he realizes not only to trust Fluttershy's abilities but to appreciate her in a new light. So . . . adorable. *Ahem* I digress.
Characterization was sooooo good for Fluttershy! Her dialogue, actions, and interactions felt right out of the show. Just amazing, chaotickindness! I'm taking notes. 
Discord, well, he was very close. Just, he seemed too nice. We've seen from the show that he's very selfish and that he can be a conversation hog to the extreme. So, when you got to the bit about Discord talking about why she should be afraid of him, well, I honestly expected he'd ramble on a bit more. But other than that, I can't really complain. I think you had a great take on him the whole way through. I suppose I'm used to a more serious/angry Discord as that's how I write him. Yours is much more innocent, and I can appreciate that a lot. ^_^
All right, I'll touch on one more writing point before I leave; the lack of sentence variation. It's not so noticeable with the amazing story but it's actually a rather major problem that I feel needs addressed. You're a good enough writer that I think you'd be more than capable of taking on a bit more of a challenge when it comes to sentence variation.
If you take a look at the sentences, I'd say almost all of them start with the NOUN + VERB format seen in so many authors' works. Especially CHARACTER NAME + ACTION, that seems to be popular. Again, as you've mastered this level of writing, I think it's time you level up and really work on varying that sentence structure, especially in dialogue. It's not easy, and that's one big aspect of writing I myself am struggling with. However, given how awesome all the other aspects of the story are, I know you can handle it.
Here's what I mean by sentence structure variation in dialogue. This is how I might re-write the portion to vary sentence structure,
'Like that.' An ominous, gut wrenching guilt gnawed at his heart at those simple words. She didn't mean it, Discord, she didn't mean it.
Apparently sensing his discomfort, Fluttershy added, "You're reformed now, and everything. You'd never hurt me at all. Why should I be afraid of you?"
This is a bit of an advanced technique, but I feel you can handle it. The more variation you add, the better the story will read, flow, and stand out. It's an important tool for any author, especially for a slice of life author.
Not much else to add. This was an incredible short! 
The storytelling, characterization, actions, and interactions were spot on the whole way through. Chaotickindness did an excellent job with this one and she deserves some more views. Go and check this one out, you won't be disappointed!
I'm sorry to be that guy, but imma be that guy.
It actually doesn't matter. Some people do it like this:
...And some like this:
... And some like this.
Just thought I'd let you know
Edit: still don't like being that guy.
3086879
No worries. I personally can't stand the non-spaced ellipses, so I kind of go Spanish inquisition on them. It is very much a stylistic choice, and any of those ways works just as well. XD I'll try to fix it so I'm not misleading. Thanks for pointing that out.
Oh my word you just did a blog post review of my story!
*happy freak out*
Seeing this made me unbelievably happy, especially since you're one of my favorite writers on the whole site! Thank you so much for reading my story, enjoying it, and for even going as far as to take time out to write such a detailed review as this! It means so much to me to see something like this! I feel like I just want to hug you too, hehe. And you're just so sweet, I really appreciate your flattery and kind words.
And constructive criticism!
I always want more of that! I know that I must be beginning to sound like a broken record at this point, but I appreciate so very much that you pointed all of those things out to me. I will try my best to take all of your suggestions into account and make use of them! 
And a million 'thank-yous' to you for teaching me how to make an em dash! I've always wondered how others did that.
And yes, I know that I write Discord too sweet, haha. I think that's just my own kind of personal wish fulfillment going on there (even though I absolutely love how Discord is in the show without changing it). I know he's usually seen as a lot moodier and has a tendency toward being slightly more rude and 'oblivious' in the show, but...like I said, wish fulfillment.
And the fact that I probably read too many Discord fluff stories. I'm a sucker for for sweet Discord. It's also a problem for me in general to make characters 'mean' without either making them too mean or too nice (if you know what I mean), or at least just feeling like I'm leaning too much toward one way and not the other.
I also have this headcanon that if Discord is alone with Fluttershy for a while, he kind of begins to let down his guard and act a lot more laidback and friendly than he usually would. But, yeah, more angsty/emotional Discord portrayals are awesome too! Maybe I should try more of that. (Unfortunately I'm not too familiar with how you write Discord beyond An Honest Life since I haven't read This Cruel and Random World, sorry. Love me some Twicord, though, and your concept for the story seems great! I'll put it on my reading list~)
So, yeah, I'm planning to write and post another fanfic soon if all goes as planned; the Discord/Celestia hints in the last episode really inspired me toward writing a fic. If Dislestia isn't your 'thing', though, I'm also planning on rewriting an old Cheese Sandwich/Pinkie Pie story of mine sometime soon, so look out for that.
And just...thank you thank you thank you! *spazzes happily*
And sorry for talking so much!
Nice!
Yeah... varying sentence structure can be a bit of a pain.
Sometimes, the complicated sentences flow very easily, other times I find that all of my sentences are in the exact same structure and I struggle to vary them up.
3086931 You're most welcome.
I had a lot of fun writing the review.
I always try to give constructive criticism when I can as I know how important it is for growing as an author.
Yeah, your Discord's kind of a cream puff compared to mine. You might have problems writing him too sweet, but I have major problems with writing him too serious and aggressive.
This Cruel and Random World isn't exactly the most happy fic in the world . . . My next Twicord novel will be more upbeat though.
Dislestia's sort of my backup Discord ship. I like it better than the other alternatives for sure. It'd be interesting to see what you'd do with a Dislestia fic. Still, Twicord will always be my OTP.
3086946 It definitely can! That's why it's been taking me so long to write chapters as of late.
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