Working As a Customer Service Representative

Yes, today was my last day as a customer service rep for Verizon Wireless and I thought I should share my thoughts on the job. Let me tell you, if you are interested in being a customer service representative, you need to be a people person. It helps so much on the job. Unfortunately for me, I am a desensitized hard ass who couldn't give two shits if your bill is over $300 or over $3000; you should have known the consequences of your actions before you did them. But if you are a hard ass like me, I guarantee you will learn how fake caring about the customer.

The job itself is not hard. There is no physical labor outside of moving your mouse around, clicking at the key board, and probably raising your hand for help. Really, what it comes down to is absolute knowledge about the products you are selling/providing care for. And with Verizon, it helps to have an interest in phones, tablets, etc...

The hardest part you will have is dealing with the actual customers. Some of the time you will get the really chill people who know what they want, know what they have, and just need some extra information to help make an educated decision. Those are the good calls. Everything else is not a good call. Lets start with the people who cant tell the difference between a shit phone and actual shit. These people are the ones who you will tell one thing, but will still believe their self-rightous belief that they should get what they want at a ridiculously under-cut price compared to everyone else because they have been with Verizon for X amount of years, or think that the world revolves around them, or think that everything wrong with their bill/phone/phone service needs to be fixed by Verizon or they will disconnect their service/leave for a different provider and try to make you feel guilty about it. These are the people I want to stab in the crotch, stab in the eye, then curb stomp their brains and guts out for their idiocy and stupidity. You will get people who want a new phone for free with no upgrade fee and with no extra cost to them. Sure, when Verizon become a charity service we will be happy to hand you a first gen flip phone that weighs as much as a brick.

Now lets talk about the ones who can't decide between the colors of human blood red and shit streak brown. They are the ones who will sit there on the phone with for days pausing for their tiny hamster wheels to turn fast enough to generate the next thought. They are the ones who will drive your call handle time through the roof. They're not terrible callers, its just that they take forever to make a decision, and when they finally do, its probably just a simple plan change.

Now we have our final group of callers. The screamers, ragers, and insistent folk. These are the calls I kind of started wishing for because they kept me interested and it provided a challenge to me. These are the people who come in like a bat out of hell and they are ready to throw down for a fist fight. They think that if they bitch hard enough and loud enough, they will get what they want; and the worst part is, its some times true. Because some reps out there are pussies and won't do their damn job and just want to be a people pleaser. And then you have me, who will tell all the options that we have available to you and say this is the most we can do for you, please pick one. OR! My favorite: All Charges Are Valid, The Bill Still Stands. I was only given the opportunity to say it once, but it was a good one. I can still hear this old man who sounded like an old lady still screaming, "I WENT TO THE DEALERSHIP AND PAID, IN CASH!!" And those credit fishers? Oh, I am a Credit Nazi when it comes to handing out credits. If it shows up in the account that the system or the rep before screwed up, then I will happily give a valid credit to you. But if you are one of those bastards who wants a credit because you had to go through this and it was big 'inconvenience' to you: you can take your request and shove it up your ass because you are not getting a hand out from me. And then you get the repeat callers who will call back over and over until they get a rep who will give them that credit! And they sometimes tell you, "Oh, I'll just call back then until I do get that credit." Those are the kind of people I want to commit genocide against; the stupid, the whiners, and the moochers.

I remember when I was growing up, I never got the opportunity to bitch as loud as I could until I got what I wanted. If I ever made a mistake, I had to suck it up and live with it and make sure it didn't happen again. Now I am speaking about larger issues outside of, "Mom? Can I have a new game?" and then go to Dad and say, "Dad, Mom said I could have the new game." No, I am talking about adult issues like not doing well in school and having to work all summer long digging a ditch for the home. You laugh, but I failed an English class once and I had to dig a ditch from the side of the house to the street to be filled with gravel all summer long. Yeah, I learned my lesson. But for some reason, we have people in this country who believe that the higher powers will fix every problem that comes their way as long as they complain loud enough; and we have a lot of those people. I can't wait to see their faces when they realize that those higher powers will no longer protect them like Papa Bear. Which leads me into my next point, the "sup'ers". [soo-per-z]

"Sup'ers" is the label I give people who try to get a supervisor to take the call to fix their problems because they think that the representative is too inept to handle their issue or because the rep will not give them their credit they are demanding. Listen well, because supervisors use the exact same system that the reps use, and once you go to a supervisor, all credits offered before are no longer available and negotiations begin all over again. I've had both good sups and bad sups. The good sups will back you up and stand by what you say as long as you have covered everything possible in the call and will not issue out the credit. Then you have the bad sups who will credit back the person anyways, even though you have had floor support, interns, and other supervisors say 'We are not issuing this credit'. And I wish a fiery death to those people who request a sup in that sickeningly calm tone of theirs.

This job is not a difficult one. But my work ethics is: when I come to work, I'm there to work. I'm there to solve problems, not idly chit chat there on the phone with you asking 'How your day was' and 'What are your weekend plans' and 'Talking about the weather'. Plus, I am too active to just sit there staring a stagnant screen and cubicle. Don't get me wrong, the people that I worked with are awesome people and are really friendly. But every time I got up and got ready for work, the only thing going through my mind was, "Uugh, I have to deal with people on the phone again." Like I said before, I just don't care enough about your bill nor do I know you personally for me to have any kind of investment in you. That's not to say that I'm not professional on the phone; I'm just not personal.

Alright, I've had my rant now about the truly stupid people that come through customer service. I could go even longer with particular examples of stupid that I have either heard about or have experienced myself. I'm moving on to bigger and better things with this automotive training I will be going to in about a week and a half. I hope you are enjoying the story so far because I can't wait share all the ideas and shenanigans I have come up with. I will see you all in the next chapter!