Review: Nomad_Sigma's Amelioration · 3:11am May 21st, 2015
A little break from the usual. Today I'm giving a shout out to a good buddy of mine, Nomad_Sigma and his book Amelioration. This isn't my usual cup of tea, but seeing as Nomad puts up with daily barrages of questions on my own stories, it's only fair that I take some time for his. ^.^
To start off, I have to say a little something about Nomad. Now, as many of you know, I'm exceptionally picky with my readings, heck, I hardly read any fanfics these days. Nomad is a one of the few authors whose work I will not only read, but learn from in terms of writing. This guy knows how to weave a cohesive story and has helped me immensely with my own work, largely This Cruel and Random World. If you saw the potential train wreck coming there and wondered why it stopped, that was his doing. He, he.
When I think about reviewing his story, I come to an impasse. Where to start? I've been helping him on and off with this fic for a few months (helping being a very generous term), but he's been working on this fanfiction for years now and it shows. If you want a complex, epic plot, he's your man. Summarizing and reviewing it thus proves more than a little challenging. 
This is his work as an author in a nutshell. Totally going to use memes in this review because I know he hates them. XP
You see my dilemma . . .
I'd start with mechanics as that's my usual deal, but, I'm going to be honest here, mechanics issues are almost non-existent. If there are any issues, I haven't noticed them yet and I've been working with him for months now. Take notes, guys and gals, this is how mechanics ought to go. On the whole, his is better than my own as he understands those subtle little grammar rules I admittedly bunny hop over. That's why he's the editor senpai and I'm the apprentice . . .
Someday I'll get there myself, some day.
Starting with style might be a better choice given the situation. If there is one word to summarize Nomad's style, it'd be dense. Think a literary pound cake and you'd be getting close. He's one of those authors I just have to admire because he asks the reader to come to his level, not the other way around. Nothing is ever dumbed down or over-simplified. This isn't one of those fics you pick up for a quick read. You have to go slow or you'll miss a lot of hints, foreshadowing, and wonderful descriptions.
As you probably have noticed, my style tends towards the informal, highly-subjective end of the spectrum. Nomad is close to the opposite. His is a professionally formal, rather more objective approach. This lends itself to an entirely different reading experience than you would get with my stories. It really enhances the mystery and suspense going on throughout, and makes you second guess what'll be coming around the next bend.
Long, intricate sentences are common in Ameiloration, and though it works well in the context, I am unsure of its other effects. I'd like to see more sentence variation, especially in the length of sentences. There's nothing wrong with long sentences, but having them one after the other after the other gets tiring to read. It also seems to lead to another problem with the structuring of sentences. Many of them start with the NOUN + VERB format I see so often in fictions. Coming from Nomad, I demand and expect better.
His scene setting and closing isn't as obvious as mine, but it is by no means insufficient. It works to tie up loose ends as well as sets the mood, so I can't complain too much. As this is a more objectively written story, I can't comment too much on the character's mood setting. To me, it feels lacking, but that's because mine is so heavily set with each section. For his style, it fits and works. No complaints here.
Now onto more fun bits. ^^
Characterization and pacing. A big deal for a slice of life author like myself. Nomad does't disappoint with pacing. It's spot on, and flows exceptionally well. I know from speaking with him that's he's actually written out a large portion of the end of the fic, and knows exactly what will be happening and when in each chapter. So, unlike my freestyle, he manages to mark his pace and reveal details in just the right amount and at the right time.
Now, at characterization I do have to draw the line. It's not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but . . . it could be better. I think having planned out as much as he has for this story, he kind of forgets that we the reader don't know much about these AU characters. The only reason I know is that I've been chatting with him for months now. It's not as though we can't catch a glimpse of their personalities, but he really fails to introduce them to us as characters. Kind of a "throw you in the ring and hope you catch on" approach.
Characterization is near and dear to my heart as that is what I focus on, and what I want to make my specialty. The best advice I'd have for this fic is to simply slow down and let the character's breath a little. Add in a few sections so we can get to know the characters a bit, especially his OC Ivory. It doesn't have to be long or involved, but I'd like some form of introduction, even if it's just a few sentences here and there.
This doesn't ruin the story for me, but it does make me groan a little. It's a mystery story written from a fairly objective perspective, I shouldn't be surprised. But, dang it, Nomad, I know you can do better than this!
Now at this point you might be wondering what this story is about. I'll try to explain, but as I said earlier, it's complicated and simultaneously fascinating. This is a mystery fic, though, as fimfiction still sucks with tags, Nomad was forced to tag it with his second choice. On the surface, if you just read the description, you might be inclined to think that it's an AU retelling of season one featuring Trixie as a protagonist instead of Twilight.
How wrong you would be.
This story is one giant web of mystery whose strings all run to the same end. You won't see the truth coming until it smacks you in the face. That's part of the fun with Nomad, especially as I know where the story's going. This is one mystery even the best sleuths could get stumped on.
I can't summarize the story well enough to do it justice, I really can't. Here's my best shot. Trixie is Celestia's student and has been experiencing vivid nightmares as of late. Celestia fears that these nightmares might be linked to a mysterious intruder that has been spying on her lately. Trixie is sent to Ponyville, but continues to have more nightmares and they're getting dangerous in more ways than one. Together with her acquaintance, Ivory, she works to help set up Ponvyille for the summer sun celebration. But, there's plenty of forces that want to stand in her way, and they aren't what they seem.
Then things go pear shaped as my Dad would say. XD You've got to read it and find out, 'cause it's waaay better than my pathetic description can manage. He's only got two of his chapters posted so far, but he's already written a large chunk of the ending chapters, and is working hard on the connecting ones.
Overall, there are little "quirks" and stylistic choices that I might wonder about, but on the whole, an excellent story. You need to give this one a read, if only to drool over the high quality writing. This is one story mystery lovers do not want to pass up, I'm telling you!
That's my review I suppose. Next time it'll be back to follower reviews. I have one story in mind, but I have to sit down and actually you know, review it. Soon my friends, soon . . .
Also, I have a very big treat for you tomorrow. Look forward to it ;)
how do you pick to fics you review?
3084657 Well, this one is sort of an outlier. I have no real method. I'll look through my follower list and read their stories' descriptions. If one catches my eye, I'll read it. I try to review fics that don't get a lot of publicity and those I personally find enjoyable.
3084669 well that is an method if i hear one
3084745
Suppose it is.
I wonder what the treat is. Will begin preparing pogo boots so I can jump up and down in delight.
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