So I got an idea...

I will continue to write a new chapter for this one. However this time I want to return something for you if you helped me to improve my writing skill in English. :D

Anyone who
* find errors in my paragraph/sentence.
* give me a suggestion to write a better sentence and I considered it helpful. Something like using a specific idiom to describe.
gets at least one free sketches picture, the number of sketches is depending on how helpful are they. I will upload it on my tumblr NSFW blog.

I'm not sure if I give a NSFW link here so please search hankofficernsfw on Google you will see my blog. :)

(Also valid in this blog post. :p)

EDIT: The sketch you requested shouldn't be too complicated, otherwise I will reject it.

EDIT2: Changed rules. ^^

EDIT3: No longer available.

Comments

[Dee Bee Doo-wop Cooper]

First line:

Chapter

Should be "chapters", or "a chapter".
In a lot of cases singular nouns that are the direct object of a sentence need an article like "a" or "the".

This is relevant I promise, is English your native language?

---

Bonus Points:
Your profile quote.

A life grows in pony's belly is most lovely thing in the world.

Should be, "A life growing in a pony's belly is the most lovely thing in the world"
this one is a bit tricky because you have "pony's", but you need to keep in mind that "pony's" is one one that possesses the following object.

[BumpyWish]

2986077 Thank you so much! And no, English is not my first language. Anyway, I will count that as two sketches. :)
Anypony you have in mind? Send me a private mail. :3

[Star-Killer89]

Now, I don't want to sound rude towards you, so, forgive me if this message may sound like it is.

I've read the first pharagraph of the first chapter of your story, and there are several errors, grammar ones to be specific. Now, you said English is not your native language (and it's not mine either), but what I actually think should be better for you is to find a proof-reader to whom you can send each chapter once you've finished it and they can send the corrected version back to you.

Otherwise, I believe you will end up with a lot of sketches to draw.
For istance, for the first paragraph, it should be: (bolded or stroked words are the corrections I did to the errors I've found)

A peaceful sunny day in the Ponyville. There is a pink mare named Love Nest who lives in the town. She is a pony with a rose red mane, wearing an unique pin on her hair. The pin is not a normal one but a magic accessory that displays her mood. When she is happy, the pin becomes a smiley, when she is sad, it becomes a sad face. You could just see her emotion(s) by observing her magical pin. She is a married mare, and her husband travelled to Las Pegasus for his business. Unfortunately, due to Love Nest's infertility, they have no kids. She was really upset when she heard the bad news from a/the doctor in a/the local Ponyville hospital. Having a child became an impossible dream for her, a wish that will never come true. When she walked in a park, she could only watch foals played playing and laughed laughing together in the park playground, and then walked away with in despair.

Again, this message is not meant to be rude towards you. It's just an advice of what I think would be better for you (in order to not have too many people getting advantage of your offer of a free sketch for any error or correction of your story)

[BumpyWish]

2986700 Thanks so much for the advice and correction! Maybe I was too eager to announce this idea without thinking. I changed rules a bit. :)
Well, I want to give myself a bit pressure to write better in English, mainly I want to share my idea and fetish stuffs without causing too much trouble to read. Hey I'd like to give you 3 sketches for this. Send me a private mail if you got any idea. ^^

[Shadynasty]

I could give it a shot. I'm no editor, but my main language is English and I could help smooth out some sentences a bit.

This is just a bit from Blue Drips chapter, I'll do the same thing that Star-Killer89 did and add bold to any corrections I make.

"P-Please halt! I'm fine now. Thanks for the help." She asked Blue Drip if she could stop rubbing her. "Name's Roseluck, who are you?"
"I'm Blue Drip. It seemsed you've have gained your energy back, but it's was temporary. We have to find another place to rest now, or royal guards willould findound us."
"Why? We should have head to the hospital! Just look at my awful, terrible stomach!"
"No, we can't. You will infest other innocent ponies. Especially because you're carryingied a valuable slime creature inside of you."
"W-what do you mean 'infest'? S-slime creature? ...Uh! I-I...I was attacked by something." She recalled the attack when she passed the abandoned house.
"That's right. It'd get worse if we did."
"B-but......" The situation left Roseluck in great confusion, she looked at her swollen belly. She had no choice. She gave the nodded to Blue Drip and followed her.

That's what I could find. I think the biggest problem is you're characters are speaking in past-tense when they should be speaking in present tense,

Like I said before, I'm no editor. But I'm really enjoying this story and would like to help if you need it.

[BumpyWish]

2989862 Thanks so much! Cannot believe I made so much obvious mistakes. You can get 2 sketches from me! Feel free to mail me about the character you want to be sketched. :D

[sectoid]

There is a pink mare named Love Nest lives in the town.

It should be "There is a pink mare named Love Nest that lives in the town."

[BumpyWish]

3007084 Thank you, I already know that but I haven't fix it yet. ^^;

[the Jabberwacky]

My immediate thoughts on the matter are to just compact your paragraph structure, maybe use a sentence type other than simple. The other thing I had in mind is that in the opening paragraph, I feel that it might run a bit smoother without an info dump, describing all these things as she gets ready in the morning or something like that.

[BumpyWish]

3042734 I noticed the problem as well. And I have figured out it's a result of my lack of reading. .-.

[the Jabberwacky]

It occurs to me now, looking though the comments of your erotica, that I was easily the least helpful person there. Though I will say I am very open to editing should you need it. Talk to you later.