The Deleted Story Review: Elements of The Seasons · 12:35am Mar 14th, 2015
So I started writing a review, and as I was trying to get to the second chapter of two, come to find out the story got taken down, presumably by the author. 
This is the worst thing to happen to me since I learned Flash Sentry was canon.
Story is Elements of The Seasons, by TheRealPonykun. Please worship him ceaselessly.
I always clear my mind before a review. That's the look on my face every time I start.
If they can get me to change my facial expression at any point, they're doing well. This one did, mostly for these kinds of expressions:
Those are good expressions, by the way. The way one looks on a masterpiece. Yeah.
Who's ready for a review? I'm ready for a review! Let's review your story! I hope you're excited to read a review of your story because I'm excited to read a review of your story!
Problem is, I gotta write a review before I can read it.
Elements of The Seasons
Not an inherently bad story, but it'd be far safer to do this as an Alternate Universe without Celestia/Luna dictatorship. There's no AU tag, so I have to assume this entire story falls within the realm of canon, and disappeared princesses under the noses of alicorn rulers of Equestria will be difficult.
I have faith that you, TheRealPonyKun, will make pure, concentrated amazing, though.
The journey of four Princesses of the seasons
I get the distinct feeling that most authors altogether forget that they have a short description upon posting their story. This is what all prospective readers see first on the front page of the site... and if it's vomit-inducing, chances are anyone who clicks the link anticipates vomit, like yours truly.
You see that picture?
Neither do I.
That's because there is no picture.
How difficult is it to find a picture of alicorns of seasons, anyway? Well, a quick google image search of "season alicorns" (in addition to a lot of Mane 6 as alicorns) were these:
Source.
Source.
Source.
Source. (And a redraw of that one here.)
If you decide to steal one of these for a cover picture, make sure you ask the author who created the picture for permission. That's the entire reason I included sources; you don't just take. Send them a quick note or whatever asking if it's okay for you to use their picture as a cover picture.
Of course, judging by the fact that there are already so many pictures for this exact concept, I can't imagine that it's an altogether original idea. Generally speaking, I have a lot of trouble finding cover art for my stories.
Long time ago
I think you're missing a word before "long" there.
there was four Princess
I'm getting too old for this shit.
each for the Season Spring,Summer,Fall, and Winter
Shit, those aren't the seasons I learned in primary. What kind of pagan propaganda smut are you trying to shove down our throats here?
they fought for balance and justice
I'd have fought for equal representation on the calendar. Fuck groundhogs, spring gets that extra week, amirite Spring alicorn?
... These are alicorns we're talking about, right? Otherwise it's just a single pony stomping down leaves, or wrapping up winter, or some other mundane task that ponies can already do.
Now that I think about it, why would Equestria need alicorns for the seasons if they're already taking care of it themselves? I get that they may have been relevant in creating the seasons to begin with, but the whole rebirth thing is a lot dumber when you consider the fact that ponies don't struggle to maintain the seasons to begin with.
See, this is why you should have just made it AU.
but one day they died
Fucking riveting. Thank you for that.
and they haven't been Reborn since...Until now.
Yay a new story enjoy
N-no. It's not like I'm reading this because I like you or anything.
B-baka.
"Ahh! Snake!"
AHAHA THIS IS A QUOTE OF AN EPISODE AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT INDIANA JONES HATES SNAKES THIS IS A TWO-IN-ONE JOKE OH AND THAT REFERENCED EPISODE IS ALSO WINTER WRAP-UP SO IT TIES INTO THE IDEA OF SEASONS THIS STORY IS SO PROMISING
Said Primavera hiding behind Verana she rolled her eyes and took the snake away.
So... Primavera is afraid of the snake, causing her to hide behind Verana, then, since there's no perspective shift due to this being in the same paragraph and no means of distinction as to who is taking the snake away, we're forced to accept that Primavera, who was just afraid of a snake, also rolled her eyes and took the snake away.
"When are you going to get over your fear of snakes Prima?"
How I feel over you abbreviating a character's name literally two sentences in.
She asked this was the third time this week she freaked out.
So, She spoke with Primavera, then asked This Was the Third Time This Week She Freaked Out. What did she ask This Was the Third Time This Week She Freaked Out? Was it something important? Why didn't you provide the dialogue? Who is She? Why have we had Primavera and Verana established, then you're randomly adding in She and This Was the Third Time This Week She Freaked Out all of a sudden? I think you should focus on your character development more than adding in two new characters per paragraph.
"When pigs fly!" She looks out the window and sees one
Primavera lived with Verana in a small house near sugarcube corner because she loves sweets and she likes to talk to Pinkie Pie about cakes.
Holy shit wat.
I thought you were, like... doing a prologue or whatever, explaining how they got pwn't. They're friggin' alicorns, so you just thrust us into a BS story with them at Sugarcube Corner making corny, senseless, pointless jokes?
No, no, I'm not insulting your story. I love it. No one has ever done this kind of thing with their story before. 
You're creating an entire new type of story, one that doesn't fall into standard rules of storywriting by not using punctuation, grammar, prose, plot, or setting. It's brilliant, you're far ahead of your time for these simpletons of FIMFiction to understand the genius you're manufacturing in this story.
Primavera pulls out her Axe.
I'm going to retcon a picture in here later. As soon as I've found out which fucking one Primavera is.
Retconned picture for you:
Verana likes animals but she gets hot temper a lot she likes to hangout with Rainbow Dash because they always have a score to settle it's been like that for years between them.
Sweet Celestia. Years?
I really need to catch up on the show. When did season 14 air with these characters again? I mean, we apparently all are supposed to know who they are; they've got to be in an episode.
"Fine no pigs..." Then they both get a vision
That was one of the most awful jokes you could have decided to drag out. I get the feeling you put more effort into that joke than you did the story. Time will tell if I was right.
(Vision)
Is that really your transition? Try a horizontal rule. It's the letters hr in brackets [ ]. It looks like this:
You must get the book of youth
I guess it's not important enough to be capitalized.
before Black Dawn
Dat name.
"Yes Princess Celestia and it's Invierna..."
Bitch, you did not just correct Princess Celestia.
Okay Verana,Primavera, Otoña, and Invierna
Okay, I'm guessing they're Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, in that order. Fingers crossed that my retcon picture won't be in vain.
"What the Luna was That!" Said Verana
What the fuck. They're alicorns and didn't think to go ask the princesses, "Who are we?" 
she made a cloud and made it rain
"Patience my dear friend if I can't find anything we will go and see Rarity."
The interaction with the Mane 6 is so casually forced it hurts.
Otoña who's friends with Twilight and Applejack.
...
I'm gonna need more.
she tried to bow but couldn't
INSOLENCE
Invierna you will be leading this group to retrieve the Book of Youth
Fucking liar, it was that winter pony or whatever.
"I agree but you didn't have to drag me out." She yelled when being pulled out.
She yelled... with a period at the end. While agreeing. This sentence...
The brown pony extended her hove.
H... hove? 
She said why did she look so familiar Verana thought.
OW.
Well we best be heading inside
Yeh, you best be.
This is where chapter 1 ended and I wasn't able to continue.
I ask you, my dear readers, to petition TheRealPonykun to revive his story in its entirety from the original run, restored straight to the Disney Remastered DVD before it goes back into the Disney Vault forever, so that I may finish my review on it.
Wait wait wait... That was an actual story?! The first chapter no less? What was it... a few hundred words maybe?
I couldn't stop laughing at your reactions. These must have been the best bits you found.
I can't wait for another review.
~Mr. Powell
P.S. Typing in complete sentences is rather difficult when your mind runs ahead, causing your fingers to fall behind.
Directly taken from the author's blog. He's a crappy OC factory!
2875282
This story was actually under the 1000-word limit for any published story at the time of review. I'm guessing the author had another chapter up, then took it away when the story pass moderation. It came in at about 970 words or so with chapters one and two, but I didn't get to chapter 2 in time for me to be able to finish my review.
This wasn't the best bits; I actually had to skip over quite a bit of good stuff because I don't want to be quoting literally every sentence.
2875690
This is one of the most promising authors I've found in quite a long time. I look forward to his eventual re-posting of this story.
2876900
That is a massive compliment, but I don't think I'm nearly that good.