If Only in my Dreams Recap · 4:40pm Jan 1st, 2015
This is just an extended author’s notes behind If Only in my Dreams. First off I would like to thank all of the people who helped with editing the story, Lightning Zepher, Leonz11, who both helped with the first written chapter, and finally Fillyphill, who edited the entire story.
The first thing I wanted to mention is that, while the reception to the story has been very good, at the same time I was very disappointed over its lack of comments and press at after being released, and when I think about it this is the third story in a row which has had less than 100 view and single digit votes after 24 hours of posting. While this did disappoint me at first, I figured out how to still make the story feel like a success:
Anyway, production of this story began last year, I wrote a blog post making it that I decided to start on June 6th, and would publish it about half a year later, and after much procrastinating later and brainstorming to edit out and make it coherent, I was finally able to get it complete on my deadline. It was so secret that I had it under a code name, Project Sinatra.
The story was actually thought up one year ago when it was snowing like a bitch and I was listening to Pandora radio, somehow the radio switched to Christmas music. I’ve heard it before, but at the same time I never listened to it, but at that moment I heard the song I’ll be home for Christmas by Frank Sinatra, and for the first time I realized that the song was actually really fucking depressing. After that, I started on the outline of the idea that on one of the holidays that Celestia was alone without Luna how she would feel incredibly lonely but when she happened to look outside into the night while it was snowing she would eventually see Luna’s engraving on the side of the moon. At that moment she would realize that she was not alone tonight, even if she had to lie to herself and dream that Luna was there with her (Hence If Only In my Dreams is about the singer pretending that they are home even if they aren’t.)
The next thing about this piece that I tried to do is to expand Celestia’s character while also trying to work on attempting to work on a setting. I think so far this has been my most complex writing on Celestia, even more so than Between Needles and Knives or Tailor (where she justifies that she has people to do her wetwork) because it is the first work of mine which shows how I see her as divinity and a goddess, yet at the same time wishes to be a normal person like you and I, that her conviction to her duty and maternal instinct is the only thing that keeps her as the princess.
Partly because she is so old, and also because she already has outgrown material things, but I think the contrast between the ponified Detroit and Celestia would explore how she would rule and treat her ponies. I partly picked Detroit because I live there and know what it looks like when it snows like a bitch and can reference my own town, but also because it is a really strange place. I really believe that Detroit is the epitome of capitalism and opportunity. Hardly anything was invented in Detroit, not the automobile, not the assembly line (contrary to popular belief) and not music, but what did happen here is that people took advantage of the opportunities that were present and became rich because of it, and with it, the bottom line also rose with them. Motown records, the automobile companies, the ambassador bridge to Canada, none of the things in the town was started by nobility or some previous millionaire, but normal people who wanted to live their lives instead of survive. Of course I also used the financial troubles of the city to spur the motivation of the Princess coming to the city as well as try to explain to the readers why real world Detroit was in such a shitty situation.
Also, besides that, Detroit has some really strange scenery to it as well, I could have gone into more detail, although it was largely superficial, but the city has some very different locales to it. One in particular I mentioned was the location of the city’s sports teams, Comerica Park, the home of the Tigers, is right across from Ford Field, which is going to be close to the future location of the new hockey arena. But around these possibly prime housing places, there are blocks upon blocks of abandoned houses with yards that are full of weeds that are six feet tall. The houses aren’t dumps by any means, but there’s seriously no one living there. (also, all of these houses are going to be torn down to make way for the new ice rink and its parking lot.) Also, who doesn’t think that the Detroit fans throw octopuses onto the ice during post season games is really fucked up?
Also, while the intercity areas are impoverished, it is really unsettling how less than a half an hour out of the city Bloomfield Hills is the highest per capita neighborhood in the entire country and all of this is because of the executives and people who designed a device or manufactures parts for the auto industry.
As for Celestia, I think this piece explains how I think of her in fiction, although she has to live in excess as would be fitting, she herself has outgrown and become bored by it all. After being in power for thousands of years she has lost all interest in things that we find desireable. The mansions in Bloomfield Hills are just big houses with a lot of shit in them to suit people with big egos, the holiday to her is just another day of the year, and sports are just adults being paid too much money to play a game. But, although she has outgrown these things, she is not arrogant, and is willing to sit through them so that others can enjoy the festivities.
As for her ruling, I write her in that she is experienced to know how to get her job done, but at the same time is too afraid to release the reigns because she is afraid of failure, so she is willing to put her job before herself and her loved ones…
Speaking of which, Prince Stargazer… Although I hinted about it in the epilogue of Between Needles and Knives, I finally have let the cat out of the bag. I have an OC which is possibly the most cardinal of all the sins in Fanfiction, but I don’t care, because if it were easy someone else would write it. Another reason why I wanted to write this story is because my first fanfiction, a 400K story which I haven’t posted, is Stargazer’s Story, his life struggles and death. I did not write him specifically for this story, and a reason why I included him in this smaller work is because I wanted to test the waters of the community of how people liked him and… well… yeah…. Remember how I was upset over the lack of reception?
Anyway, before I move on, a few things about Stargazer is that his story is somewhat similar to Buddha, besides talents being handed down from his mother, and that he is a little bit taller than normal, (a bit taller than Shining Armor) he has no other directly outstanding traits from a normal pony. Although his chemistry stronger than a normal pony, he is incredibly ordinary, which is a part of his lifelong struggle, of how he struggles to find a way to define himself by who he is instead of what he is and how his mother is. At the same time, Celestia, who is supposed to love all of her subjects, struggles to find a way to find a way to love Stargazer as her mortal son, and not her unnecessary heir (which, this is not a spoiler, he lives his whole life without ever having to assume the throne.) Also, my story is not an alternate universe, because although Stargazer is a prince, because he is so normal, doesn’t do anything outrageous and is a bit of a shut in, it stays within the canon of FIM because, although people know Stargazer exists in this story, they don’t ever think of him on a normal basis, so he is out of sight and out of mind. Many citizens think he may be gay, and others –like Rarity- are more interested in ponies such as Blueblood because he is a much more public figure as well as many assume Stargazer may be forced to have an arranged marriage eventually.
So, if you managed to slog through my self-congratulating dickpulling and bullshit, I would really appreciate anyone who is willing to share what they thought of Stargazer. Please, don’t be shy.
Moving on, the next character I want to bring up is Captain Shepherd. His name was not inspired by Mass Effect, but instead the Matt Damon movie about the formation of the CIA, “The Good Shepherd”. Shepherd was supposed to be the predecessor to Shining Armor, and whereas Shining Armor is a brother, Captain Shepherd was chosen for his job because of his paternal instinct. As I pointed out, Captain Shepherd was chosen to be a guard because he abandoned his post in order to be by his ailing wife when she went into labor, and although he didn’t know it, his superior resigned and appointed him to be the captain because Celestia had conceived a child.
Captain Shepherd is supposed to represent the father that Stargazer never had. Celestia did not become asexual or in vitro herself, or have an immaculate conception, but she did not need a man in her life, and although she is sewing the seeds of Stargazer’s future self deprication and feeling of neglect, the Captain was supposed to be his father figure to grow up to be. Also, as Stargazer learns in the future, Captain Shepherd acted as the bad guy in his childhood so that Stargazer would still think he had a relationship with his mother.
WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIT! If Captain Shepherd was supposed to be Stargazer’s father figure….. and this story takes place 14 years before FIM, then Shining Armor would have to be selected to be in the life of another charge… by why would Stargazer need an older brother? Wait! Back in Between Needles and Knives Epilogue, didn’t Rarity see two ponies in the mirror?
Oh my god…
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story. If you haven't please do, and I would be greatful. Finally, I’m sorry if these blogposts are a nuisance. IF they are then I'll kick myself in the balls for you. 
First off, I feel I should mention I have not yet read Between Needles and Knives or Tailor. (At least I'm assuming that's the story you meant by Tailor.)
Well, for what it's worth, here's my simple opinion: He seemed to come across as fairly cheerful, especially given how little time that Celestia seems to be able to devote to him. Not every child could take a lack of real interaction with their parent in stride, whether or not they are from nobility. I did like him enough to wonder about the implications of that one line from earlier in the story, at any rate...
To be honest, I assumed something different than either of those. Something that predates both of them by quite a bit...
Not to me, at least.
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Yes, that is correct. The joke is that in the final chapter of Between Needles and Knives, Rarity confronts Celestia about how she had been making suits for the guy who does Celestia's wetwork, and at the end of the argument, Celestia walks up to a mirror behind a curtain and asks it to show her what she loves the most. Celestia predicted that it would show Luna, but instead the first thing it shows is a black unicorn and a red Pegasus filly.
What was it? In short, although Good Shepherd was a bore to watch, it was kind of interesting because Matt Damon's character heard his dad kill himself and later found his journal. In the journal, he talked about how he whished that he had been a better family man and hoped that Matt Damon would be better than him, to be a good shepherd.
I practice what I preach, and I hate people who spam their blog or spam their popular stories in their blog to bitch about their life, so I only just post story recaps or important information relating to the story and occasionally if I have something on my mind I share it on the blog.
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I assumed that you chose that name from a biblical reference. The part in his backstory where he disobeyed orders just to be at his wife's side during labor somehow or other led my thoughts to a parable about the shepherd and a lost sheep, and there's also a passage that says "...the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep," which seems fitting for someone of his character in the Guard (taken out of context, anyway).
2696047 th matt damon movie was probably named after the passage (especiallh with the motto being "For you shall know the truth; and the truth will set you free".)