Z Reviews: A New World, A New Conflict · 10:01am Nov 30th, 2014
This time's review will be of A New World, A New Conflict , authored by Evowizard25, reviewed by me, TheifofZ. If you like this review, check my blog for other reviews, or follow this link to go to the post containing the mission statement and a list of all the stories I've reviewed so far.
As always, here's how I'll be doing this; First I'll cover the story idea, and writing style and quality of the story. Next, I'll look at the actual story itself, including character motivation, action (if the story has any), and the general plot. Finally, I'll throw down my egotistical and opinionated rating, declaring exactly how good, or bad, I thought this was. And yes, I will do my best to avoid spoilers for the plot IF POSSIBLE. If the spoiled events are integral to the story, I'll throw down spoiler warnings instead, and ask that you proceed with caution. Always remember, folks. This is all opinion. Disagree with me? Think I'm dead wrong, or spot on? Argue about it in the comments if you want. It's cool. Noone has a truly humble opinion, after all, but make sure you read the review first.
There are a few minor spoilers throughout this particular review, so if you haven't read the story yet, just don't mouse over the mysterious black bars. ... Or do, and spoil nothing very special, really. Oh, so naughty.
Now that I've gotten all that out of the way, here we go!
I'm going to be upfront with everyone about this; I haven't played Pokemon since Gold/Silver. The original GameBoy Colour version, mind you. So after I started reading this story, I spent about half an hour looking at alllll the new Pokemon and just thinking "What the buck is all this? Just what did I miss?" After all, it's a Pokemon/MLP crossover and new Mon's were getting tossed around everywhich way. Still, the idea was actually pretty interesting; A bunch of Pokemon and humans-turned-into-Pokemon suddenly are sent through space and time, and arrive on the planet of Equuis, in the middle of Zebrica. The writing itself is... decent. The writer makes plenty of minor spelling errors, grammatical inconsistencies, and generally seems to struggle sometimes. But, as I've said before, a good plot can do a lot to hold my interest, and the characters and plot were strong enough to actually get me to care about them, even just alittle. On the other hand, there were times when the text began to bog down with unnecessary extras, and I found myself scrolling through several paragraphs without meaning to, just to get to the next good bit. Several of the worst offenses occur when the scene shifts from villain or minor character to another minor character, and the writer struggles to develop the scene at first, so transitions are definitely a weak spot here.
The main character is Commander Sev (A Seviper. Haha, severe, viper, get it? It's a bad pun.), leader of an Anti-Human group of Pokemon, as he and his friends deal with this "strange new world" that they've found themselves in. Sev is, honestly, a bumbling, hammy, and amusing emotional wreck, as he inherited his hatred of humanity from his supremely strict and abusive father. Several other characters, such as the Zebrican King, Sev's adopted little sister (a young Kirlia...Some kinda... pyschic ballerina? I just don't knooooow..), and several other Mon all act as various types of Foils to Sev, which helps really develop and explore Sev's character. Of course, nothing good lasts, and the story shifts gears to a more dramatic tone as various ne'er-do-wells from Daring Do's past all show up, sans Miss Do, oddly, and begin machinations of some evil scheme or other. So far it seems like a fairly rote "Mind Control the super minions and use them to conquer the world" plan, but that's still up in the air. On the other hand, the primary villain so far just seems so blatantly evil, it's almost a let down. It's clear that she's being built up as a direct parallel of Sev, but it feels heavy handed and almost rushed, and Captain Exposition regularly pulls double duty with all the walls of text that characters routinely spout.
The regular problems throughout the story also plague the action sequences, as combat starts slowly and often is interspersed with more explanation and character thoughts, dragging down what could be quick and pulse pounding scenes of power and skill and turning them into a slow waltz instead. All of this comes together to make a story with high potential, but a moderately weak follow through, and as fun and interesting the story is, certain points are unpleasantly forced.
Overall, I give the story 5 out of 10 mustaches, and 4 out of 5 supremely confusing (and confused) flying-types.
Any opinions or major points you'd like to make go in the comments below. Advice, Major Corrections, story suggestions, and fan mail can be PM'd to me. ... if I ever get fans. HAH! 
Final Note: As I'm sure Oak would say, "Good, you're trying hard! Get an Itemfinder from my Aide" ... and while I'm not sure what an Itemfinder has to do with writing a Pokemon/MLP crossover, I like the effort put into this story. Really, I graded harshly because the characters (except the villain) stuck a lot more than the plot. Keep practicing those transitions, and try to keep Captain Exposition sidelined in the future.
I tried reading "A New World, A New Way" for quite a long time before eventually giving up on it. Even though, in the end, I didn't really like the story much, there's a weird feeling in me that's proud that it's inspired side stories.
As for "A New Conflict"...was this blog posted before you did your review, or after?
After. About 20 hours.
I'm going to say that on one hand, I'm glad the author is actively thinking about how to get better. On the other hand, as harsh as I was, I want to see how things turn out with the story. It's clunky and has it's faults, but the characters are really well built up, and I actually grew to like most of them.