Review: Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Dashite, Chapter 2

Welp, here I am again. Time to review Chapter 2 of Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Dashite by unspokenpaper.

So, delving right in, the first few paragraphs are him doing an internal monologue for a bit. He goes on to tell about how his father told him he can’t trust anyone in the Enclave, and that potential friends are just competitors. So, here is what I am assuming to be the buildup for his ‘learning about the magic of friendship’ part of the story that is inevitably coming up. The next few paragraphs tell about how he got top ranks in all his classes, and got into this really awesome academy and yada, yada, yada. You know the jist. He’s good. He knows how to… I dunno, military? Yeah. He knows how to military really well. Moving right along.

So after his monologue, it’s back to the real story. After getting his butt-tattoo semi-branded off, he decides to fly back to civilization. Civilization, meaning the military base he lives at. Good thinking, Bold. Our protagonist sure has a good head on his shoulders.

So, he heads back to his apartment, which has been ransacked. Apparently, they couldn’t find anything too incriminating about him. And hey, they didn’t even find his porno stash!

Clearly they still had not looked under the cushions though, because there was a treasure trove of evidence there. The past three months of my Wing Boner magazine collection were hidden there. If they were looking for anything incriminating then those magazines would probably be the best they could find.

Oh porn, at least you will never try to brand my cutie-mark off. *sniffles*

Captain Bold gets the bright idea to go back to his office in… the… Armory… Wow, I sure hope there won’t be active military who know who you are there. Gee wilikers.

So, he heads in, and turns out the place is empty. He snoops off to his office, and drinks a two-hundred year old potion he had in an old medicine box. K. Next he hears the Armory door open, and he gets spooked, going into his safe and…

Before leaving the office, I opened a small safe under my desk, and pulled out the last thing I ever thought I would need, an old .357 revolver. I slid the outdated firearm into a holster just under my left wing. The pistol had been father’s, and his father’s before him. A family heirloom that looked as if it had seen better days. I had no idea if it would still fire properly but the pistol would definitely help if I got caught in a hard place. And if it did fire, there was a box of fifty rounds next to it. And the weapon was fully loaded.

So… uhh… he has a fully loaded ancient firearm, plus fifty additional rounds just… sitting in his office? Is this a normal military thing to like… just have an unregistered gun, plus bonus ammo just… in your safe? I hope that’s not standard practice in the military.

Also, this:

My eyes practically exploded from my skull! How could I be so dumb to turn the lights on! I heard Merry's hoof steps coming closer to the door. It was time to act. In seconds they would be on me.

My eyes practically exploded from my skull!

So, the two ponies who came in totally have it out for our dashing hero. And apparently one of them is totally all strung-out on buck. So, she proceeds to start beating the living hell out of Bold. Then he blows her fucking head off.

Silence fell upon the room. I opened my eyes in time to see Raindrop and Star Dasher jumping back. Apparently no pony had the sense to notice the weapon on my side and had been equally surprised as I was when it had actually gone off.
The silence finally broke when Merry Weather slumped to the ground. Her eyes wer crossed and she had a confused look on her face. Worst of all, a hole in the back of her head leaked blood and bits of grey matter that had peppered the ceiling and floor behind her. For all the drugs in the world, there were none she could have taken to prevent that grievous and fatal blow.

Meh, 2/10 on the gore. When I read a Fallout: Equestria fic, I want some Kill Bill level gore. But hey, that’s just me.

So, after getting a sick headshot, he goes through the whole ‘oh no, i killt some 1 i f33l baaad!!1!!’ Yeah, it’s not the most elegantly written one of those scenes, but trust me, I have seen way worse.

The next few paragraphs are an inner monologue about killing her.

Yay for more perspective change. Again, I don’t know why the author included this. The narrator throughout this fic has been Bold, so does the story just get a new narrator when it switches to Morning Grace’s bits? Or does Bold just know what is going on. Or just made up what he thought happened for story purposes. Blehggard. This part can be summed up in a sentence: Morning Grace can’t track Bold’s pip buck.
Annnd done. Well… all in all, this chapter was pretty dull. In order for me to be REALLY invested in a FoE fic, as that It needs to be captivating, and this chapter didn’t have that quality. Besides that, it was good. The author certainly knows where he wants to go with this story, and I’m just going to sit back, and see where this ride takes me.

As always, keep writing.