LAE's Guide to Writing Horse Sex · 2:48pm Oct 13th, 2014
The other day, I got a PM from a reader, one Ipreferpl (I'll be honest, I have no real idea how to pronounce that). Anyway, this person asked me for guidance and/or advice on how to write clop. Specifically, on how to write more emotive clop.
It just so happens that that's my forte, so I'm more than happy to answer. If you're just into writing mindless Porn Without Plot, then by all means, disregard this blog in its entirety. Using a keyboard to digitally mash equine naughty bits together really isn't all that hard, once you get down to it. Distinguishing your work from those more mindless drafts, though, can take some practice. If you've done your job establishing characters and getting readers invested, then you're 90% of the way there. The big thing then is to not let your sex scenes detract or distract from the overall story.
When it comes to writing, there are almost no hard and fast rules. There are a TON of rules of writing fiction, but they're all optional once you've learned them, and sex is no different. You could easily take this entire list of ideas and do the exact opposite and still succeed. These are simply my pointers that I use in my own writing, both naughty and nice. There is, however, a "good news/bad news" portion to it.
The thing about sex is that it's both very easy and impossible to write well. The "bad news" portion of this letter is that writing sex is VERY difficult if you don't actually understand sex. For someone who has never even been in a significant relationship, much less gotten to the bed stage, writing sex is like trying to do calculus before you've even finished Intro to Trig. You can fake it and put some letters in the right places, but anyone who knows better will be able to spot a fake from a mile away. Yes, I've seen it happen, sadly. There's no shortage of people on FimFic who write beyond their depths. The old advice is to "write what you know", and I'm a bit blessed in that regard to have been married for several years now, so I'm no stranger to what I'm writing. This is also why I don't tend to stray into the wilder kinks of sexuality, because I can't fake that. I can't write what I don't feel for. Maybe that's a weak point to my writing, but I don't see it that way. My primary advice is to sit down, put away the keyboard for a while, and really think honestly about whether or not your story needs sex in it and if you have what it takes to write it. Be blunt with yourself. Accepting critique is one of the highest skills a writer can have, and critiquing yourself takes practice. Does it help the story along? Does it reveal aspects of a character or situation that otherwise would be difficult without it?
On the other hoof, it's all well and good to sit back and say "if you haven't experienced it, you can't write it!" but that's a cheap shot. None of us have ever had tails or moveable ears, either, but we can still write those motions into our work (and should!). So, I'll give you some of my best advice about writing emotive sex scenes.
1) Stop reading fanfics and browsing the internet for "inspiration"
I almost hate to put this one up because it seems backwards, but so much of what sex is and can be has been distorted by the internet age. One might make an argument for finding technique in other people's writing, but frankly, I don't buy it. It's unnecessary. If you know how to write, then you know how to write sex. One should not flow any different than the other. It all comes down to your characters being presented with a scene and reacting naturally. My writing comes from a very deep place to me, and sex is no different. If it doesn't mean something to you, it won't mean jack to a reader. Watching random people fuck on a screen might get you off, but no one has ever invested in the story of a skin flick (except maybe Jeffery Lebowski). It might help you write a mindless clopfic, but that's not why you're here. Rather than browsing through porn, sit back and think about your characters. Where is their relationship at? How did they get there? How long did it take? Has anticipation been building, or is the relationship a total surprise to both of them? Thoreau said "know yourself", and Sun Tsu said "know your enemy", but the writer's first goal is "know your characters". All actions should follow naturally for your characters, and everything they do (ESPECIALLY sex) should be a natural course of who they are and how they respond to situations. This is why I often comment while writing a story about how—at some point—the characters are really writing the story and I'm just along for the ride. Always put yourself, and your readers, into the shoes of your characters.
2) The five senses
If you're looking to write something more than a "ground-and-pound" sex scene, then think about what makes sex special. It's not the physicality (although I'm not going to lie, that part is pretty damn nice), it's the connection between two people. Or, in this case, ponies. What really makes sexuality special is knowing almost by instinct what makes your partner tick, and what they like. It's understanding them as deeply as you do yourself. It's not the feelings, it's the emotions. Emphasize that as much as you can. The things that should come to your mind as you write are the senses: what do you smell, taste, feel, etc? This is one of those places where experience pushes you the extra mile, because some sensations are VERY hard to imagine for yourself. Taste and smell, especially; but as humans, we're wired to respond to smell more deeply and emotionally than any other sense. I won't get into any sort of lurid details, but I can very strongly recognize my wife's scent, and sometimes I can even tell what her mood is based on how it's changed. The senses are EFFECTIVE. If you can work them into your writing, it will make a HUGE impact, even at an unconscious level, and the more the better.
3) Call and response
This is probably my best advice from a mechanics standpoint. Bounce between your characters as you write intimate scenes. If you're in a first-person POV (like I was with Dust), then alternate your paragraphs between your protagonist's actions/thoughts and your supporting character's actions and reactions. If you're writing in 3rd-person limited or omniscient (both character's thoughts are on the table), then use that. Show what each character is thinking, feeling, and doing, and then swap to the other character for the next paragraph as the pace builds. This is a fantastic way to show the relationship between two characters in shorthand, because it shows how deeply they're intertwined in the story. The actions of one character directly affect the other, and their response does the same to the first. This is probably the one thing I do the most often in my writing (at least consciously), and not just in sex scenes. It's useful anytime I want to show a deep connection between two characters. It even works for something as mundane as coffee shop talk!
4) Audiences remember failures as much, if not more, than successes
What's weirder, we generally respect and connect more with a character who doesn't do everything right. This is (oddly) why Mr. Bean is a more endearing character than Hercules. If your character is a virgin, make things awkward. Trust me when I say that sometimes, it is awkward. Sometimes things you try don't work. Sometimes the mood just isn't right. Sometimes the damned phone won't stop ringing. It's just life, man, so inject some of that into your work. If everything has to run smoothly for the scene to work right, then maybe it might help to insert scenes before that where things didn't go right, to show that the characters have overcome and grown as a couple. If we, as readers, didn't see your character scaling the side of the Matterhorn, then we won't care as much that he's on top of the mountain.
5) Remember your writing mechanics
Sex scenes are very involving for a reader. If you want top marks, you can't have errors lying around for someone to trip over, because it will remove a reader from your world like a henchman from Bond's ejector-seat-equipped Aston Martin. Get someone to clean up your work. It's also a great place to perfect your writing chops. Remember little writing tips and tricks—like how short, choppy sentences build heightened action, show quicker movements, and a more energetic pace. But starting off with long, slow, almost florid sentences keeps the pace low, shows how the two characters are taking their time and not rushing. As the pace builds, the very way you write your sentences can have an impact on the way a reader experiences it. Remember that every word in the dictionary has an ideal usage. Every word conjures an image into a reader's mind, and it's not always the one you want. Substituting "turgid" for "swollen" works perfectly well according to the thesaurus, but each of those words has a distinct impression that it can give the reader. Think about the words you're using and if, perhaps, a better word could be used for the impression you want to give.
6) Keep it real, bruh
One of Pixar's famous "rules of writing" says "If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations." And if we are honest, magical talking ponies having sex (or anything else) is pretty unbelievable. The way you get around that is by writing good characters. Straight up, we're not writing pony dramas here. We just aren't. None of us are ponies, so what would we know? What we do is write human dramas in a different skin. Make it real. Let us as your audience feel. Do your characters have hidden flaws? Do they have exposed ones? Do they hurt, and rejoice, and react? Does your scene follow naturally from the scenes before it? Don't just teleport your characters into a bed, they had to get there somehow (literally, yes, but mostly metaphorically). Even hookers get paid first.
I hope this has helped you out, Ipreferpl, and whoever has bothered to read it. Remember, you're not a fanfiction writer, you're a writer. Work to improve your craft, no matter whose characters you're using.
And happy writing.
-LAE
Thank you; a lot of people may be embarrassed to be thankful for breaking down formulas (pride tends to do that) and I'm no stranger to that. I just wanted to go out of my way and personally thank you for giving us some helpful advice.
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You're more than welcome, my friend. Honestly, I think I enjoy teaching and giving back to other writers even more than I do writing.
I think you and I have things to learn from each other. *begins to follow you* :D