Avast! · 5:21am Sep 8th, 2014
Greetings and salutations, followers!
So, you might have noticed I have changed my title from Commander. That is because I no longer serve in the royal navy. I officially cast away may colors and became my own master, a true pirate king. Allow me to explain.
For those of you who don't know, the man formerly known as Commander Fowler is quite fond of sword fighting, sailing, and rum, in ascending order of course. Well, my little brother in light of this said if he had to pick one exaggerated hero archetype to describe yours truly, it would be the scoundrel pirate. As you can guess, I was most pleased.
Fast forward to last night. Now, ye who saw my blog post from then likely know I hit a low point after a very rough argument with my best friend. However, before that point the night had been going amazing. You see, after my university was having our rosy cheeks spanked in half time of football, and already rather sloshed off of several rum and cokes, I decided to leave the stadium in search of one of my fraternity brothers. In looking for him, I quite literally stumbled into a party going on on the campus. I knew one of the people there, a friend from my first semester that I hadn't seen in some time, and decided to stay and mingle.
Now, here's the twist. Most of these folks were international students, and let me tell you that international students party pretty hard. So, I started drinking even more and halfway into a drinking contest with a stout german motherfucker I met, everything began to get really interesting. I wont say too much to preserve the innocence of you more sensitive readers, but it did involve yet more rum and a funnel. After ambiguously winning (I stopped early, but the german threw up, which according to the spectators meant I still won by default) and telling some of the students about my experience with sailing, I earned the nickname- I kid you not- "The Motherfucking Pirate King".
So now you're all caught up. I have embraced this new Chaotic Neutral persona and have become Pirate King Fowler! (The "Motherfucking" wouldn't fit) So, let us all set sail together, my crew. Drink up me hearties, yoho!
2437113
Aye! Full sail, ye scurvy bilge rats! Join me in a ditty, would you lad?
Capt'n! I spotted the deserter!
Open fire for Her Majesty!
*Ship fires on you*
2437121
Ah, ye royal bastards'll never catch the likes of me!
<Fires swivel cannon>
2437128
*Shot goes wide*
Fire the grapeshot! Hit them scurvys!
2437132
Fuck you and fuck your Deus Ex Machina.
2437138
Ready cannons! Take out their masts, boys!
Ready... Fire!
*Volley shreds the main sails and takes out your bow mast*
2437147
Well boys.Give her everything we've got. We've got a few sails left. We don;t give up because we lost a tiny main mast.
Everything she's got! Ram the bastard!
2437151
Aye, now you're talking my language, boyo!
*Grabs a line* Brace, boys, and prepare to board the imperialist bastards!
2437160
*Rams the ship as we both sink anti-climatically*
2437162
Damn. I guess we were going for the realistic naval combat there.
2437169
I'm sorry, but I can imagine a pirate captain actually saying that line:
"Get ready to kill the Imperialists, boys!"
And he's just idiotically standing near the side that's about to get rammed and he gets crushed.
I don't know why, but it's just absolutely hilarious!
2437173
I was kind of running out of pirate lines. I'll have to work on that.
2437180
It's fine, I didn't know what a mast was.
Question, do you EDC?
2437181
Do I what?
2437181
Electric dinosaur combat?
2437184
Every Day Carry.
I'll let this explain.
It's preety cool.
They've got forums dedicated to it.
This one I consider the best.
2437186
Oh, got you.
Yeah, I do. It was a necessity in the semirural outskirts of Fort Benning where I grew up. These days I don't carry too much, but I do still have my trusty Kabar Hook Series concealable.
2437189
I made a group for it, but it never got popular.
It would be awesome to have a FIMFic friend that's into it as well.
2437194
Well, I'm no MacGuyver, but Like I said, I do carry basic stuff like a knife, mini multitool, and lighter just about everywhere.
2437196
It's amazing what some people can carry.
I think I just like it because of the gear.
[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw]
You can thank me at a later date
2437306
2437207
Me pirate crew has such wonderful taste in music.
2437198
I like it because if you know how to act and the subtleties of body language, pulling a knife will get you out of many a scrape without ever having to draw blood.
2437742
Sing the shanties wit' us Cap'n!
2437890
Ho hey Sweet Lady of Wayrest!
Ho hey Sweet Lady of mine!
I'll see you again, yes I'll see you again,
Sweet Lady of Wayrest so fine!
2438134
*Stomps on deck in tandem with the rhythm