So, anyway... · 5:37pm Jul 29th, 2014
I need to get this off my chest. I've been terrible about not responding to people who've commented on and favourited my stories here. There's a reason for it, and while it doesn't excuse it, I do hope that if anyone was hurt or offended, knowing the reason might help make it better.
Three years ago my boyfriend Chris was just getting into 'My Little Pony'. I've been a fan (and had a Pony RP character) since G1. He'd known about this for years, but hadn't really been interested himself until FiM. He loved the fandom that surrounded the show as much as or better than the show itself, I think. He especially enjoyed the songs, and online roleplay with myself and others.
I didn't tell him I was writing 'Her Little Gryphon'. It was meant to be a surprise. On a personal level, the story dealt with an incident that had occurred between me and him and another one of his boyfriends some time before, and how he'd talked with me and gotten me to see that I was making my own problem. I was especially pleased with myself because I'd made it work on two levels at once - there were some personal things in there that I knew he'd pick up on, and also it worked just as a regular MLP story for the public at large. 'Three Haiku' just kind of popped up from the void as I was writing, and is no more than it appears on the surface.
Anyway, I submitted them both on Oct 2nd or 3rd of 2011, just after I joined the site. 'Her Little Gryphon' got approved right away, but 'Three Haiku' not until Oct 5th, I suspect because it was rather outside of the ordinary run of submissions. I didn't say anything until they were both up (I was fairly sure the haiku would be approved, but not surprised that it might take a bit), and that night I sent him an email with a link to my page here, just telling him that I'd gotten a couple submissions published, without much detail. Like I said, I wanted him to be surprised by 'Her Little Gryphon'.
He died unexpectedly two days later. I don't think he even got to read the story. Since then, I've been active on the site, reading other people's stuff, commenting and favouriting, but I've not been able to really deal with favourites and comments on my own stuff. I'm intensely glad that people have enjoyed it, but trying to actually reply to comments just emphasized to me that Chris' comments weren't there, and weren't going to be. It made everything very, very final. I know that sounds stupid as hell, but that's what was going on.
I'm dealing better with it now. I'm not sure exactly what changed inside me, and I'm not really sure that I'd be better off for understanding. I tend not to poke at things that are working for me. I've recently become interested in getting my stuff read more (I'm trying to get 'Her Little Gryphon' in Twilight's Library) and I'm actually writing again. My current project is a story about Rain, a gryphon OC of mine (she's one of my RP characters) who has some self-image issues. Hopefully I'll finish that soon.
So, I needed to say that, and thanks to anyone who stuck through it. Chris always wanted me to be more open about my feelings, and he was right. I need to write up some kind of an apology and send it to those who have favourited me as well.
Wow, that's rough dude. I'm sorry that happened, but glad you're starting to be able to not move on, per se, (He will always be a part of you) but rather keep going. Good luck!
2717473 Thank you very much. That's greatly appreciated.